Hello, I am currently pondering if I should seriously date this guy I have been going on dates with, and I got to know him on Bumble. I am 34F, a translator and a grad student, living in South Korea (I am Korean), and the guy is 35M(he is white American), in the US army. We started going on dates from 2 or 3 weeks ago. (Beginning of March) So far, I like that he is handsome, funny, and understanding. (I used to have really bad anxiety issues, and mild form of bipolar disorder, hypomania)
However, we come from vastly different socioeconomic background where my parents were diplomats and we come from upper middle income household. Meanwhile he comes from low-income family in the south side of Chicago, where his mom was pretty abusive. He told me he was also shot. (not by his mother though and have wounds from it) (Although he admitted to me that he misbehaved where he almost got felony charges for pranks when he was 12, so he was also the problem).
He has a kid from his marriage (he is divorced) and his kid is back in the US with his mom and grandma. The red flag I felt was after the first date he sort of acted in a way that seemed like he was love bombing me. He would say stuff like “I have not liked anyone like this in a long time” etc. After the second date (when we first hooked up) I told him I would be friends with him (because even though I liked him, I did not know if we would last due to our differences) and from then on he started to pull away cause he thought i rejected him. About a week later, he told me he was feeling unwell, went to doctor consultation and found like a lump in his stomach. He has to go into further doctors appointment to see if its cancerous or not. He was sobbing on our phone call. Naturally I wanted be a good friend and felt bad so I sent him some money (in Korean culture we send money for family and friends going through struggle).
Yesterday he asked me if I could come to his pinning ceremony for his promotion and possibly asked me to be his girlfriend but i feel conflicted. I do like him, but I do not know if i should date him, considering things in the long run. Also he seems to have a way with people, especially with the ladies and he did admit he was a player in the past. Also, I do not know if he means a lot of the things he says, although for the most part, it does seem to add up. What should I do because I seem to go back and forth with him?
TLDR: He is a single father, coming from not so good background, been through a lot, possibly have cancer, and I have really bad anxiety issues. He asked me to be his girlfriend but I do not think we will last due to differences.
Comments
Have you thought about the fact that he is in the army of a different country and he’s not gonna be there long term?
You’ve sent this man money and he accepted.
I think this relationship is a bad idea.
As a 41M with alot of baggage, it depends on what that baggage is and if you (honestly!) feel like you can manage his baggage along with your own. Be honest with yourself.
When you’re going into dating someone who is right for you, you’re usually excited and not questioning the entire thing. If you can’t live with it now, don’t move forward.
Edited: typo
This man’s problems are gonna become your problems, and it sounds like he has more than enough to go around.
This is just such an obvious “don’t do it” I am feeling a bit bad for you, you must really like him.
The main thing you mentioned was a red flag . Everything else you can work through , but there’s no reason to stay with someone that you found a red flag already