TL;DR me (M17) and this girl (F16) called every day for like 20 days and had been getting along really well. Then she had to go to church camp for a week, when she came back I had to go to Georgia for almost a week. Suddenly she seemed a lot less engaging and responsive. I would ask if she were free and if she’d wanna call and Id get one of 2 responses. Either I’d learn that she was busy that whole day or was grounded. After almost 2 weeks of this I asked if she were still interested and she said no because there’s a lot going on in her life and the hour long distance between us is too much for her. Even tho the hour distance wasn’t a problem before. I told her that I get it, and that i understand that the distance between us is pretty long, then that was pretty much it. But this whole thing has been bugging me lately because I really started to like her and she HAD liked me a lot too, but then suddenly she doesn’t think we’d work. I’m thinking about saying something along the lines of “hey I know you already said you don’t think we’d work but I had started liking you a lot and wanted to say that I would love to make it work, if you still like me. Just think about it.” I guess I already know the answer to this question, and I’m just looking for a reality check. But I really did start to like her and it bugs me that the special connection me and her had is now being dropped because we’re not even going to try and make it work.
A more detailed explanation below and context:
So me (m17) and this girl (f16) had a really nice night at prom a couple months ago, we texted for a lil bit until I asked her if she’d be interested in going out and she said she was soooo interested. We were both sortve busy at this time so after a couple weeks or so we finally ended up calling. Then we called everyday for I think 20 straight days. We were both having a blast. We’d both tell each other what we had to do that day so that we’d know when we could call later that day. Then at some point she had to go to church camp for a week. She wouldn’t have her phone and we wouldn’t be able to talk.
After that week goes by, she comes back and we call that day, but only for a half hour, she said she had to go watch a movie with her family, but if she had time she’d come back and call again. Turns out she fell asleep during the movie and never got back to me. I had told her that the next day I was going to Georgia with my family, so that was our 1 day to call, and then we really wouldn’t have been able to call for another 5 days. Something to note is that that half hour call felt dull compared to our past calls. Granted we hadn’t talked in a week, and she was feeling sad because she had to leave her friends at church camp and they all live several hours away.
So on my trip to Georgia I would still snap and text her but she didn’t feel as expressive or engaging as before. I come back from Georgia, same thing. Less engaging and stuff. Over the course of a week I’d ask if she was free or if she’d wanna call later and she’d tell me she was busy the whole day or sometimes she wouldn’t respond at all. (Due to being grounded, her mother often grounded her for no reason.) So at this point I’m feeling pretty bad about the whole thing. Sometimes we’d be snapping each other, and then she’d just leave me on deliver when I had just sent a snap a couple mins after she did.
Finally I sent a message that was something like, “Hey so I just wanted to be straight forward and ask if you were still interested. Ik you’ve been busy and grounded a lot lately but was just wondering.” She responded with, “NAME idk there’s a lot going on right now and I’m not into long distance and I don’t think this will work.” The long distance is an hour drive, which hadn’t ever been an issue before so idk. Plus I had outright stated before how I’d gladly drive that any day. I said something like “Thats totally understandable and I get the whole distance thing, an hour is probably the longest I’d drive for a date. I’m sorry the distance won’t work I had a lot of fun talking to you.” She said “hahaha I had fun too.”
And that was it. It’s been 2 days now. And I keep thinking about it. Idk y the distance was suddenly a problem, and I know a lot was going on in her life, but she was talking to me about it and I thought i was kind of a person she could talk to about it or something. So it’s been bugging me a lot recently and a part of me really wants to send her a message like, “Hey Ik you already said you don’t think that we could work but I just wanted to say that I like you a lot and would absolutely love to try and make it work anyways. Ik you’ve made your decision already but if you still like me enough just think about it idk.”
I’m completely aware that it is most likely a bad idea for me to send that. Like I KNOW. But i genuinely had so much fun talking to her and I thought she was having a lot of fun talking to me as well. We had both been aware of the hour long distance and I thought we were both okay with it. Especially since I’d probably be doing most of the driving which I was fine with. Idk. Maybe she didn’t like me as much as I thought she did? Or maybe her week away at church camp made her realize that she really wouldn’t like the hour distance. Idk. But I really don’t like the idea that this is it between me and her. It feels like we both had a special connection and we’re not even going to try and see if it could work. Ig I’m just looking for a reality check