Hi, I need some advice on an important decision. Please bear with me—English is not my first language.
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now. I’m not religious, although I used to be a born-again Christian. On the other hand, he and his family are very religious. He was disfellowshipped from their church before, but after almost two years and many Bible studies, he was allowed back into the congregation.
The reason for his disfellowship was having a non-Jehovah’s Witness (JW) girlfriend—me. His family knows I’m not a JW, and they are constantly pressuring me to convert so that he won’t be disfellowshipped again.
This situation has made me strongly disagree with their beliefs, especially the way they treated him during his disfellowship. He was ignored by fellow members, kicked out of his family’s home, excluded from family trips, and not allowed to go where other JWs go. They told him he cannot marry me, and if he does, his family will not attend our wedding or support our marriage. If they do attend, they risk being shunned by their congregation. Now, I don’t like his family, I don’t want to see them or talk to them, I also hate it when my boyfriend talk about his family because I remember this problem. I told my boyfriend I don’t want to be a JW because of what they did.
It feels like I have no choice but to become a JW against my will, just to be accepted. But I’m really struggling with that idea. His family’s approval means a lot to him, and this issue is holding us back from getting married.
What should I do? Should I convert and suck it up, or should we get married without his parents’ approval? Can you give me a plan on how to do this? 🙁
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No. Search “let the Bible speak” on YouTube and check that out first
No. It wouldn’t be honest and it’s also very pointless to join a cult.
No. You should only be baptised into a faith if you believe it in your heart.
Edit: Just to be clear, I am one of Jehovahs witnesses. The Bible makes it clear that everyone has free will and should make their own choices. I doubt very much that the local congregation would accept anyone who is ambivalent about joining. And it is pointless in Gods eyes to claim you are something when you are not, as he sees into our hearts.
Your partners parents – and your partner – are not being honest with you, themselves, or God.
Didn’t read your whole post, only the title and as an ex Jw – absolutely the F**K not!!! It’s not a little commitment, it’s a whole life and lifestyle! Massive mistake- go as the exJW subreddit
Run!
Having had two of my brother’s exes head off and join the JWs, bringing up my niblings within the faith- they are all horribly traumatised by it for various reasons. Don’t do it to yourself.
Run the f away. Do not convert to anything for a man.
No.
As a person who once fell head over heels stupidly in love with a JW, I say no. It’s gutting to walk away from, but they’re a cult and their mind-fuckery runs deep in the people who are a part of it. I did a ton of research into JW at the time because I swore that this guy was my soulmate and wanted to make it work.
But you converting isn’t just a temporary fix to an issue… if you guys have kids, this is also how you will be expected to raise your kids. And not to be overly dramatic, but in the future if you decided to leave, your kids could possibly DF you.
It’s not a good thing to be a part of as a non-believer.
I honestly think you’re best to walk away from this relationship.
Didn’t even need to make it past the title. No, absolutely not. JW is a cult.
no
No. You convert because a religion aligns with your beliefs. You don’t convert for somebody else.
Don’t do it if you enjoy Christmas but also probably don’t do it
Absolutely not.
I would NOT convert to anything unless I seriously believed and wanted to be part of said community/religion. Marrying into a family with such strong beliefs that you do not agree with will only turn into heartbreak and most likely divorced.
oh my goodness don’t do this. I dated an ex JW and it was horrible what he went through. His baby brother died because the church wouldn’t let them give him a blood transfusion, and his father blamed his mother, because her “faith wasn’t strong enough” to save him. It’s too much.
Yuck. Why would you join this toxic, awful cult? Do you plan to have children? You’d be bringing them into the cult too.
Why are you still with this weirdo?
Even if you become a JW, there is still a huge possibility they will still never accept you.
Jehovahs Witnesses have a bad reputation for because of the reasons you touched on: shunning, rules, restrictions, and control over people in the religion. They are frequently considered a cult. If you don’t like it now, being a member of the church will only make you more unhappy.
Personally, I want nothing to do with JW. If I were you, I’d put my foot down and say no to converting.
Don’t join a cult for your boyfriend.
Absolutely not
No!
No.
Honestly if your not religious do not do this and end the relationship. This won’t work long term
No you should not convert. It is the most personally intrusive movement of the Neo American movements. You are either one of them or you are set to burn in hell fire. They assign you a “female friend” (rat) and everyone is up in everyone’s business all the time. Oral sex is disallowed. The church handles friction by tribunals. A woman or girl cannot bring a complaint without two male witnesses. They do a horrendous job of protecting children from abusers and regularly avoid involving the law in anyway. You are provided with pressured visitations a month and conversions per month with strong quotas. Many pros define it as a cult. Your world will become smaller, isolated, regulated, and managed. They will attempt to pull you away from your family. The best thing is for him to make a choice between the church and his family or you and the new life you two will build. Don’t step off the cliff into that mess. Don’t fall down. You may never get up.
Do NOT become a JW. Anti-science, anti-celebration, cruel cult.
NO. You should not do what you don’t want to just to be accepted by people that would kick their own child out of their house. If he is so devout, he needs to find a religious partner. Would you want to raise your children in a family like this. Please consider if this is worth it. I see no upside for you.
Leave this relatively.
That sounds awful!
Absolutely do not convert. You not only do not follow the faith, but you likely will never truly be welcomed even if you convert. It’s better to leave now and understand that this is a difference of fundamentals beliefs and lifestyle between the two of you.
No, it’s a cult. 💯 (Stay away from any high-control group, of which JW certainly applies)
Do you hate having joy in your life and not being able to celebrate any holidays or birthdays?
WHY would you put yourself through that?! Is he really worth it?
He can leave the church why do you have to join or breakup
You will be miserable if you go along with this. Do you want to raise children in this environment?! Either your boyfriend needs to stand up for himself or you need to maintain your peace.
I hope he learns from this that their love is very conditional. He should join you or you should leave him.
Either he leaves entirely or it’s over.
You will never have their approval: convert will just be the first demand.
JW is a high control religion: think about how they’ll treat you if you want to make a decision against them.
They’ll shun you and use your husband against you.
There’s no salvaging this as long as your bf values connection to his family.
Girl. Run tf far away from that cult. You do realize if you do marry him, any children you have will have next to no contact with your family and you too will be forced to give them up bc they’re not members of the cult? Are you really willing to give up everything to marry a guy that is part of a cult like that?
Updateme
No. Also look into JWs and what they stand for. If your boyfriend or yourself were ever to need a blood transfusion due to matters of life or death, you can not get one. So basically they’d rather you die. If you get one, you’re shunned from the congregation. You can’t have tats, you can’t have friends that are homosexual. You can’t do a lot of things. You can’t celebrate birthdays, Christmas, thanksgiving….you can’t do anything. I would weigh the pros and cons between their beliefs and yours….unless your ideals don’t matchup….you’re wasting your time.
no
No. Absolutely not. You need to run far, far away from this guy and his family.
NO. That is a huge mistake. You should only adhere to a religion if it brings you peace and happiness. You shouldn’t convert unless that’s what you want for yourself…and I suggest you do a ton of research first.
Noooooo!!!
Absolutely not. If love isn’t enough, cosplaying as something you’re not will never help.
Do not enter this religion for someone else. Especially one that shuns people you love – good people.
Either he accepts that he needs to get married without his family’s approval and leave his religion, or he lets you off the hook so you can be with someone more available.
It really is a cult. Joining just gives them permission to force you into more changes. It’s the beginning of oppression, not the end.
I hope you find your way.
Don’t join that cult! It’s not worth all the BS! The amount of pressure being put on you should be all the red flag you need. Either he puts his foot down and defends you not joining, or you need to run.
I’m married to a woman who never got baptized into the cult. We have set boundaries with her relatives that try to pressure her/us to join, and she let’s me handle them, lol. Even after 20 years, they still try, and I shut that shit down every time.
If you do this, his family will control every aspect of your life…and any children you have with him.
Im going to be quite blunt here. You shouldn’t convert or make big changes to who you are just to please someone else. He’s a JV and you’re not, that makes you incompatible. You should have broken up with him a long time ago. Its not just his family treating you badly, JVs dont spend time with people who dont belong to their religion. So if you convert, you will automatically lose all your friends and family. Also, if you convert, that doesn’t mean his family will suddenly treat you better.
JW are awful. Like child rapist awful. They abuse children and excuse it. Your children will suffer harm. If his parent’s loved him they wouldn’t act this way. Why would you want to be a part of this. Run.
Have you looked at all the rules, only interacting with other JW, that means separation from your own family and friends, no celebration of Xmas, birthday, holidays, no politics, strict guidelines of modesty dress for women, head coverings for women, bible study constantly.
If you don’t believe in a religion you don’t get Baptized into it, if you don’t adhere to those rules, you and your family are punished. God’s will is not a cultish religions will. Everything about this religion is not about the Bible , it’s about some long ago man’s interpretation of it.
Is your partner only following their doctrines to be included and being allowed to see his family. If he doesn’t really believe in the teachings, but only wants inclusivity. I personally would walk away. I am an ordained minister, and religious group has the right to take away the free will God gave every individual, to believe or not to believe. Every person has the right to choose their own religion and beliefs.
He knew what would happen when he started dating you, and they followed through and he crawled back to be included. If if you do join and convert you will be constantly watched , judged and punished and you will constantly be seen as an outsider. I have seen few religions more focused on the obedience and suppression of women. Think hard
Absolutely not, and I’m surprised your relationship has gone this far without having that conversation.
I’m non denominational Christian, my husband is Mormon. I asked on our second date if he had dreams of getting married in the temple, because that won’t happen with me. He nor his family have ever expected me to join the church and they welcomed me with open arms to the family.
You should foster your own relationship with your own faith however you decide, not because you feel pressured to. This is a serious conversation you need to have with your boyfriend before you waste any more of your time; either he is 100% okay with you not converting and willing to lose his family to pursue your relationship/marriage, or you need to let each other go. It will be an uncomfortable convo but a necessary one.
I’m sorry you’re in this position, OP!
DON’T CONVERT! Any religion that punishes their followers is not worth your time! JWs are the worst
You and your boyfriend are in a crappy situation, but the solution is definitely not for you to join a cult in order to please people you do not like or respect. That is a huge, serious decision that you are very likely to regret every day for the rest of your life, especially if you have children.
I would recommend pumping the brakes on marriage talk with your boyfriend and seeing if he’s open to permanently leaving the cult before proceeding. Therapy would be really helpful for him with processing the emotional abuse and manipulation he’s experienced likely for his whole life.
Don’t do it. You don’t join a religion for a person. You join because you believe. How un-Godly to disavow someone because they are with someone who doesn’t believe the same ?? Most are encouraged (because it tells you in the Bible) to spread Gods word to those who don’t believe or don’t know it. I had joined the Mormon church many many yrs ago, when I had doubts- I was told they were taking back my baptism & my blessings. I wasn’t baptized into a church & “the church” didn’t give me any blessings. They came from God. I was baptized because I accepted JESUS into my life- not the church. But really rubs me wrong when anyone would try to justify that as a Christian thing to do. Because I wish good things on everyone- not just those who think like me. JWs are very strict & set in their ways, as are Mormons. Make sure you really look behind the curtain (they tend to only show what they want you to see). You shouldn’t have to change to be accepted. And think ahead to if you have children- will you be free to raise them the way you see fit. Will your kids have to worry about being disowned? That’s insane to me. Gods love isn’t spiteful. Theirs seems to be
No. JW IS A CULT – and if you do not believe it do not join for anyone. ESP a man….
30 years ago I lost a classmate because her Jehova witness parents refused her to get a blood transfusion.
Since then the laws in my country changed and doctors can now override such decision, but regardless to it, do you want to be associated with people who would endanger a life just for their belief?
No. Didn’t even have to read it. Flat out, fuck no
No, you should break up with your bf. Becoming a JW isn’t just getting baptized, there’s a ton of Bible study, you’ll be expected to go out into the neighborhood and try to convert others. There’s no celebrations for birthdays or Christmas. You aren’t allowed to step inside other churches. It’s a huge commitment.
It’s a cult. Every year I get a doomsday letter from a random JW lady in my town. What’s next? Raising your kids in a faith you don’t believe in just to please your spouse?
I beg you to watch the ex JW videos online. There are millions to choose from. It’s 100% a cult. You’re not allowed to celebrate any holidays or birthdays, and this is an isolation tactic to ensure you have nothing in common with coworkers or other friends, until your whole life is just this church. Then if you step out of line, they shun you and you’re isolated from everything.
No. This is coercion. Don’t give into this cultist behavior.
As a former JW, no. Don’t join if you don’t believe. It’s a cult. TBH, because he’s worked his way back in, despite you two loving each other, you aren’t compatible.
If you join, you absolutely will be expected to witness, meaning proselytize to others. You absolutely will be expected to raise any children in the faith and you also will be expected to have little to no contact with people who aren’t JW’s. Having a job may be fine, but you really aren’t supposed to develop any sort of friendship with coworkers unless they’re JW’s. Your children will be expected to not have anything to do with kids who aren’t JW’s outside of school.
I wouldn’t do it. It’s disingenuous to join a religion just to satisfy someone else’s beliefs. Recognize you will also be expected to cut out anyone in your life who was a JW who is disfellowshipped as your boyfriend was. Could you really do that to someone you care about? Including your own child?
OK so lets break this down……
He chose to start a relationship with you KNOWING you’re not a JW. He CHOSE to be in a relationship, with long term goals KNOWING you’re not JW and had no intentions to become one. You weren’t discussing converting when you first met. So he knew the situation when he first started dating you, and for the following years you’ve been together.
If being with you caused him to be disowned from his church and his family early on in your relationship, but he wanted to get back into the church and have a relationship with his mum and dad, why did he choose to continue the relationship with you KNOWING you had no intentions of becoming a JW? What did he think would happen when talks of marriage came up?
He and his family have NO right to demand you convert to JW just so they will accept their own son, he be accepted to stay in his church, and your marriage be accepted so he’s not shunned again.
His family have already proven to him that their religion is more important to them than a relationship with their own son. They chose to shun him and exclude him simply for being with someone who isn’t the same faith as them. Personally, that doesn’t sound like a welcoming, all loving all accepting religion if they are so quick to disown and shun their own family members and church goers for simply loving someone who isn’t part of their faith.
They feel forcing people to convert/ commit to being JW is the only way they will accept them as a person or as their son or as a member of the church. They believe excluding people and cutting them off for simply loving someone who isn’t JW is the right thing to do? Do they really think their God would approve of their selfish and horrible behaviour? That he would agree with cutting off their own son? Doesn’t sound like a very supportive/ accepting or caring or welcoming religion to me. It’s more about excluding people.
Do you think your partner would convert to your religion in order to get married? What makes your religion less important and less value than his? Or even choosing not to follow a religion. Why is HIS religion the only one allowed to be believed in and follow etc? Why can’t you/ he/ his family/ church, accept that you each have your own beliefs, some things over lap and are mutual beliefs but some things differ, but it doesn’t make you less of a person.
And why should it have to be you that converts? His church and family were already quick to disown him once before, so why sacrifice more for them when they were so quick to cast him out?
And what if he breaks another rule again and he’s cast out again? What will he have to sacrifice next time to be allowed back to church or be a member of his family again? What will he make you sacrifice next? Or what actions will he expect of you?
It’s also clear that his family are trying to control and manipulate him by threatening to not come to your wedding and cutting him off again if you don’t convert and he marries you anyway.
They’d rather disown their son than see him happy with someone he loves.
But what will they try and control next? What happens if you have children? They will be expected and forced to follow his religion whether you want them to or not. They won’t be allowed to learn about your religion or simply choose what they want to believe in. My parents didn’t christen or baptise me as they said it was my choice if I wanted to be part of a certain religion, and I could choose to do it when I was oldenough to make my decision myself, rather than have it chosen for me.
His parents already don’t like or approve of you. Even if you ‘pretended to convert’ for the sake of getting married, they would assume that you’re not really committed. And even if you convert because you actually wanted to, i doubt they will approve or be happy because they’ve been against you for so long, and won’t believe you’re good enough for their son. You don’t like them either due to them disowning their son. So your whole marriage you’ll have contact with his parents where you don’t like each other and it will be a constant tension and strain on the marriage, arguments about when to visit them or how often to see them, possibly rude remarks from them, issues with how you raise your children etc. It will always be an issue within your marriage if he wants a relationship with them.
Personally I can’t see how this relationship would work or last. You shouldnt really have started the relationship knowing this would be a huge barrier between you both in the long run, and it definitely should have ended when he was shunned from his church and parents for being with you, and he was trying to earn his way back in. Like why stay together if he was trying to get allowed back in, knowing you’re still together and nothing had changed?
I think you need to see the big picture here and that his family and religion will always be a huge barrier between you that will cause big problems all the time. I’d walk away now and meet someone who respects you for who you are and doesn’t expect you to change a huge part of who you are and what you believe just to be accepted by them and the family etc.
Many of my relatives are JW. They are all so judgmental. One of the newer pushes is to wear very drab color clothing. It reminds me of the walking dead. You will hate their attitude. I find that they appeal to the lower educated class. They DO NOT want you to think for yourself. Run away!
Religions like JW aren’t just church for an hour on Sunday. It’s an entire lifestyle. Do you like holidays? Celebrating birthdays? Those are out. You can have Easter but their version of it, and you can celebrate your wedding anniversary. Anyone in your life outside of JW? You’ll be pressured to keep them at an arms length if they don’t convert. How do you feel about knocking in strangers doors to try to convince them to join your church? Because that’s what you’ll be asked to do on a regular basis. They also have these big annual conferences that are like multiple days long. It is not worth changing everything about your life for a religion you do not believe in. If you join, chances are you’ll either be miserable or you’ll be brainwashed. If you don’t join, chances are he’ll be resentful or always pressure you to change your mind. And you will always be chasing the approval of your in-laws regardless of what you choose.
If all of that sounds good to you, then I say go for it.
But I feel like you already know that you don’t want to give up your whole life for a man.
It sounds like you’re being pressured and bullied. This won’t get better if you cave to their demands. This is a toxic situation. I’m sure you must be in love with the guy, but you’ll be better off without him.
Short answer. No. Long answer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
JW is a cult that protects people that SA kids. Why would you ever join a cult like that? No man is worth that shit.
“Should I become brainwashed to marry my brainwashed boyfriend” No!
NO! Run for the hills as fast as you can. Do not join that cult.
Run
My mum is a JW and she was disfellowshipped for a bit. Made to sit at the back of the Kingdom Hall. Can’t remember why. I think she stepped away for a bit.
Within that same congregation was a family with a daughter a few years older than me. Girl got hit by a van. Parents were told we need to give her a blood transfusion. Parents said nope. Doctors said again, your daughter needs a blood transfusion. Parents said nope. Doctors said alright then, we’ll get social workers involved. They did. Girl gets her transfusion. Parents managed to dodge disfellowship by saying well it was kind of out of our hands.
And for mum? Well she was married to my dad and he wasn’t very nice to her. She asked for permission to divorce him. Elders said nope- not unless he’s been unfaithful. Thankfully he was unfaithful eventually and she got permission to divorce.
Do not convert.
His religion is incredibly important to him, this is not something he is going to drop or forget about and no amount of planning is going to make him change his religion. You need to make a choice, either leave him to find another JW lady to marry, or you are going to have to convert.
I am also previously apart of the JW congregation and honestly, if his family are deep into it or he was brought up in this religion then you have no hope of changing him.
Freaking run. Jw are insanely controlling.
No. If someone has a condition on a relationship, especially involving imaginary friends, run. Run far, run fast.
Do not join a religion for any other reason than you truly believe in it 100%. If you do, and you marry this guy, your life will be completely miserable for as long as you are married.
I know a guy who had a firework blow up in his face and because the family refused to operate they left him down the end of a ward on his own with a disfigured face and neck and terrible injuries to fend for himself. You don’t want that for yourself do you?
No, absolutely not. You’ll never be able to v celebrate another holiday, birthday, anniversary, the wedding itself will be a sad affair, not like your typical wedding, you and your kids won’t be able to receive anyone’s blood in a medical emergency or donate yourself if you like to do that. You won’t be able to vote in any elections and your future children won’t be allowed to join any police or military if that’s what they want to do. There are so many unnecessary things that JW do that don’t make sense to anything. I dated a guy who grew up JW (he was no longer part of it but his dad was heavily involved) and his dad wouldn’t even say Christmas when trying ask if there was anything I was hoping to get as I am of a different religion and celebrate Christmas. It was so awkward and I didn’t understand what he was talking about until the guy I dated told me he was talking about Christmas. I say run far away from that relationship and settle down with someone who you align with better.
It’s a CULT , they will use you like breeding stock . Run far and fast . Omg read up on this grab .
Why is this a question? Cut your losses and leave. If they’re all pressuring you to change, he’s clearly chosen his religion and family over you. You’ll never be priority and if you have children they’ll guilt-trip you into their version of medical care & raising the kids in their religion.
Never become a religious convert against your will especially for a boyfriend.
There is a long history of coerced conversions and it never turned out well.
Spanish Jewish conversos, the Crusades, the Mamluk slave trade..
No. It’s a cult and one that causes real harm to it’s members. I have several friends who grew up in the “word” and they’ll be in therapy the rest of their lives. He won’t be allowed to marry you if he’s really in and will likely be disfellowshipped if he marries you outside the cult.
No. Nobody should ever be or become a JW. One of the worst and most oppressive cults in the world, right up there with Scientology. Bunch of doomsday nutters that any sane person should stay as far away from as possible.
One of the most important attributes to a cult is absolute loyalty. The best religions allow their believers to come and go freely.
Run girl! I don’t recommend anyone become apart of a religion if they aren’t fully committed to it. Also if you don’t have a good relationship with the family now, that dislike will grow into resentment. Save your sanity.
No. Do not join the JW cult.
Have been married to a former JW they often need a lot of therapy. If you are lucky they will get that therapy. Their lives in the JW culture were full of control and abuse, they know no other way. If lucky they are “only” traumatized, worse is they continue the controlling and abusive ways they were raised.
Even if they choose to be excommunicated often they still have some weird beliefs about holidays, higher education, and medical treatments. Even if he should leave the cult again you would be in for struggles over these topics.
Divorcing my ex was much like escaping a cult, as he never truly left despite his hatred for all things JW. He didn’t believe, but still followed some of their strict ways.
Run. Find someone who will treat you as an equal and not his servant.
The Jehovah’s Witness is a high-control group who practice excommunication. That alone labels them as a cult. They are widely known for enabling sex abusers and covering it up. Did you know that if you go to the hospital and need a blood transfusion, that JW doctrine states that you can’t have one? You will be excommunicated if you try to save your life.
Please leave this man, love will not protect you from the damage his religion (cult) and his abusive family will do to you. He will always choose his religion (cult) over you. No relationship is worth the sacrifice of your personal freedom. The JWs strip that from you.
It is a cult. Don’t do it please 🫠
Raised Mormon. JW, like Mormonism, is like a cult. I did not say that it is a cult but it is most definitely cult-like. Odd behaviors, manipulative control of the congregation, especially of women and children. Run away now while you still can.
Ex JW here…. DO NOT DO IT! It’s a cult. It’s a life of absolute behavior, information, thinking, and emotional control. It’s miserable. Stay away at all costs even if that means breaking up with your partner. Please check out r/ exjw for help & insights.
Really consider what your life will get like if you convert to JW. As a woman, you will be told what to wear, who and when you can talk, where you can work. You will be under their control. If you really see a future like that then go for it, if you are having concerns or doubts then don’t do it.
JW is an abusive cult. You’ve seen it. Run away from it. Take him with you if you can and if he is willing to go (he WILL lose his family).
Run – it’s a cult. Do you want kids to grow up like that? Or if you want to be child free, have you considered how they will pressure you to have kids?
Absolutely NOT.
Run far away.
“Should I marry into a cult” isn’t really the tough question you think it is. JW is insane, you aren’t even allowed to vote, or celebrate your birthday … RUN
I was born into this cult. I left at 35, just three months ago. NEVER join this cult. Please, I beg you — run away!!!
As a former JW, leave. Do not look back. Trust me.