Hey everyone,
So me (22M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been in a long-distance relationship for about 5–6 months. Honestly, these past months have been amazing—probably better than some longer relationships I’ve been in before. She made me feel cared for, wanted, and it felt like we were really connected despite the distance.
But recently… things have changed. She’s started ignoring me in small ways. Like, she would text, then disappear for 1–2 hours, then come back, reply once, and then again vanish for some time. When I ask what’s going on, she just says things like “oh I was sleeping”, “doing laundry”, or “I was out with friends”.
I’m the kind of boyfriend who gets anxious when I don’t get a reply within 1–2 hours, but I don’t complain anymore because I’m honestly tired of explaining how it makes me feel. I just quietly feel sad now. Even when I tell her I’m feeling lonely and would love if she could call me, she still doesn’t. She doesn’t really make an effort to reassure me or give me the same energy she used to.
I’ve also straight-up asked her, “Is anything wrong? Do you not feel the same anymore? Do you not like me anymore?” But every time, she just says “No, nothing’s wrong.”
I feel like I’m slowly becoming the only one trying here. And it sucks because this relationship really was special to me.
So… what should I do? Should I break up? Or should I wait it out and see if she’s just going through a phase?
TL;DR: Long-distance relationship (both 22) was amazing for 5–6 months, but lately she’s distant, slow to reply, and doesn’t call even when I say I’m lonely. I’ve asked if anything is wrong, she says no, but I feel like I’m the only one putting effort now. Should I break up or wait it out?
Comments
Wait it out and see if you can see her in person to gauge the vibe soon. If you still think it’s off, break up. Communication is key and can’t be one-sided.
Long distance just doesn’t work if it isn’t temporary and there’s already. Good foundation. both from personal and anecdotal experience.
She’s moving on to someone else and so should you.
You’re young, find someone to love you that you can be with.
Does the LDR have a time limit?
Like when you will actually start dating each other in person?
My guess she just got bored of LDR. 6 months no sex, no intimacy, just texting is not a relationship anyone should be in.
So the thing is: she has a life beyond you. And this is, I think, they key point:
>I’m the kind of boyfriend who gets anxious when I don’t get a reply within 1–2 hours,
This will kill every single relationship you ever have. Her phone is not a leash, and placing her under an obligation to respond to you promptly every time you text turns the relationship into a chore. She (reasonably!) doesn’t want to have to interrupt her life to constantly reassure you. It’s not an enjoyable way to live to be in the moment with doing other things and to constantly have to stop and text to assuage someone’s insecurities.
You have a responsibility to yourself to be able to handle the fact that she’s not going to constantly interrupt her life to send you a text. And sure, you can say, “it’s only 20 seconds” but the thing is, she does that, then you text back, and so she has to text again, and it’s constant – and a lot of people try to not be on their phones constantly.
And when somebody already feels a ton of pressure to interrupt her life to coddle you, “I’m feeling lonely, please call” just feels like a guilt trip. Like, “Oh, she’s not responding, here, let me crank up the pressure.” Even if that’s not what you’re doing consciously, in the context of you being someone who has repeatedly told her that not being responded to for an hour is a problem, that’s how it’s going to feel. It’s very different from when there’s more balanced texting relationship and somebody is feeling lonely and needs attention.
And you know, if you need a level of attention that she’s not interested in giving, yeah, that’s a good reason to break up. But I think for your own good you need to figure out how to address your larger neediness here, because very few people are going to have a lot of patience for somebody for whom every text requires a response within an hour otherwise they’re getting talked to about how they’re “ignoring” their partner.
If you get anxious when she doesn’t respond in an hour or two, that sounds like an anxious attachment style and is something you should work on in therapy. It sounds like you’re asking a for a lot of energy and time, which can become demanding after a while. People have lives and 1-2 hours to respond is very normal, if not a great response time for your average adult…
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