I (18 F) and my bf (18m) have been together for 5 years and have a kid together, it's how life is now i love my son and yes we have the means to support him. My bf lives at my place and hadn't worked in 7 months which is extremely frustrating as I cannot go through college, raise a newborn, and do work while being expected to single handedly pay for everything.
We fight often, sometimes over actual issues but more recently over stupid little things, I often get frustrated because he doesn't really try to do well with anything; its almost as if just doing the task is good enough for him.
Im tired of feeling angry, sad, and more exhausted than I should. More often than not after bad fights I find myself debating on ending it and sometimes I even tell him that I would like a break or to fully break up but he begs me not to and promises to change and that we can make things better but he hasn't changed and things havent been better. Im also nervous because I grew up with split parents and never wanted my child to grow up like that.
So my only question is, Should I break up with him?
Comments
what is that font. tbh, if you haven’t had many other relationships, you provably don’t have a good reference to judge this dynamic. break up and explore more. nobody ends up w the first one.
If having a child wasn’t enough of a wake up call to get his act together, you begging him to step up isn’t going to do it either. You’ve seen what kind of partner and parent he is. You and your child deserve better.
It’s going to be very hard as the average 30 year old is as mature as an 18 year old should be these days.
It’s not gonna be Impossible for you to stay together, but difficult without a support system around you guys to make it work. All couples argue, you magically aren’t going to quit this relationship and move onto one that’s drama free , in fact could end up being worse. Work things out for the good of your child, get through it. Lean on supportive people.
You guys are still kids and have a lot of growing to do, but you have a child as well.
Hi, as someone who is in her 30’s let me tell you some things I’ve learned along the way. Though take it how you will. Not every relationship works out. If you feel this way now, get out and you will thank yourself down the line. He will be in your life forever so please remember to bring up the topic with love and respect and make sure he knows you expect the same from him. You have one life, if you aren’t happy, only you can change the outcome. That baby of yours would learn and love better in a home or homes that was built from love and understanding vs a home of bickering and frustration.
You both have a lot of growing and maturing to do. I’m sure having a kid has certainly accelerated that for the both of you which I’m sure you’ve recognized but you’ll both grow and change in your own ways and at your own pace. I don’t have children but I’m a product of young parents (m17/d19) who split and the kid in me wished they would’ve put aside differences but the adult in me understands my dad didn’t reach a maturity level to be a good parent until almost 30. Good Male role models are so crucial for boys especially so I’d ask yourself if you think he’s willing to grow up and be all in for you and the kid, not in 5 years or 10 years, wasting some of the best years of you and that kids life.
He doesn’t want to break up because he’s getting a free ride. Do you want this for the rest of your life? Do you want this role for your child?
You should you have a lot on your shoulders
I think, you’ve answered your own question.
You’re simply wanting the okay to leave.
If you need someone to tell you to leave, yes please, leave.
But I’m not telling you that because that’s what you want to hear, I’m telling you that because your whole life or ahead of you, and that a long time to be tethered to someone who brings you down, and does not help you in any way.
The boy is useless. Arguing with you, the only one paying the bills.
Please, yes, you can do this on your own, you have been all this time.
You are wildly capable. You are 18, with your own place and a baby. Girl, you got this!
I got pregnant at 18, had my son one month and a day after my 19th birthday. I moved back home to be able to take care of him.
And here you are, killing it, on your own.
You don’t need him. He’s dead weight.
He will very unlikely change, or sounds like he wants a mom more than partner.
That’s what my ex wanted. You cannot make a life with someone like that. They will strain the life out of you.
I was stuck for almost 22 years, tied to a man child like that. He never grew up. He stayed like that. Actually may have gotten worse.
You can do the hard things. You’ve been doing the hard things. 🫶
WHELP I am going to tell you the shittiest way to end this but it’s blunt and it’s the best way to deal with whom live with you and are the following
A. Beg and promise change constantly
B. Threaten self harm. These people you call the cops and tell them they are an immediate danger to themselves you NEVER give in to this.
You gotta either have your LL change the lock and put his stuff in the hallway or you gotta find a way to move when he’s not there and find somewhere else to live.
In my personal experience having both Male and Female friends EVEN older parents I’ve been friends with. This is the most effective way to end it without the crap.
I broke up with my son’s father while I was pregnant. Put myself through school and raised him alone. I used to be angry that his father was so useless and uninvolved but I finally realized I was extremely lucky because so many women I know had to actually deal with a horrible or useless partner on top of everything else. He WILL NOT change until he does YEARS of work in himself. Not because he is inherently bad. It’s because rewiring your brain to behave differently takes A LOT of conscious effort and help from professionals. Please leave and figure out a cadence that works for you and your son and doesn’t rely on your boyfriend. No need to be angry about it, it’s his loss and could be just what he needs to turn his life around.
And the less you blame or resent him and instead just move on from circumstances that do not work for you, the more likely your son won’t be too affected by negativity (coming from your side, anyway). I was 19 when I did it. It definitely feels hard at first but my son is now 26 years old and an amazing human. He loves his deadbeat dad and vice versa- we just never expect anything from him and I almost never have to see or speak to him so it worked out well in the long run.