I (26M) have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months. Things started off great, but lately I feel like I’m the only one putting effort into the relationship. She’s always too busy to hang out, but then I see her posting stories with friends or going out to events. When I bring it up, she says I’m being insecure and that she just has a lot going on. I get that people are busy but it feels like she makes time for everyone except me. I really care about her, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m just wasting my time. Should I stick it out and hope things improve, or take the hint and walk away?
Should I break up with someone who doesn’t make time for me?
r/Advice
Comments
Its time to move on. She gaslights you with the whole ‘being insecure’ thing while she has time to spend with others without even inviting you from the sounds of things. You’re wasting your time.
If you’ve brought up wanting to spend more time with her and she brushed it off, I wouldn’t hold out hope on things improving.
If someone cares about you and wants to prioritize the relationship, they will. Or at the very least take your concerns seriously.
If she doesn’t make time for you and doesn’t invite you out with her friends then she’s obviously not feeling it any more, sorry bud. Time to move on.
ignore her for like 3 days she if she changes her tune
Yes, don’t matter what’s the situation, you will always make time for someone you wanna see
no one who really cares about you will make you feel like you’re waiting in line. what she’s probably doing is conditioning you to accept her breadcrumbs. she can think she cares about you, but this is not care i practice
It sounds like she’s just not that into you, OP. Absent partners aren’t much use, and if she’s happier going to events without you… call it a day.
what happens when you ask to join those plans?
Answer this question first: Do you have the ability to wind back the clock to the moment you met her and get that 8 months back?
if your answer is no, then the answer to your question is HELL YES.
Life’s too short to feel like you’re being put on the back burner. In a relationship you should be a priority, I’m not saying she can’t have her own hobbies and friends but she needs to make time for you also.
Yes. If you don’t it will get worse and you’ll start losing self respect. It’s tough bro.
Yeah what’s the point lol. Clout for saying “I’m dating so and so”? Just stop communicating for a week and see what happens. Doubt she will even notice you are gone. She isn’t into you, or doesn’t really want a relationship. Continuous ignoring of your ask to spend time together is the tell all. Find someone who will actually hang out and do things with you. ❤️
Yep this is how me prev relationship started to end. End it now yourself if you dont want to be dumped or continue a relationship that makes you anxious. It’s not worth it. So many people out there who would willingly do it for you
Life is wayyyy too short and too much fun in your 20s to deal w that
Edit: to —> too The shame I’m experiencing smdh
Yes It is a very sweeping generalization…I could say it CAN be fun but either way…it’s time to say bye bye
Absolutely! Your time is as valuable as theirs. If they’re not willing to give you theirs, they don’t deserve yours. Sounds like she’s moved on but hasn’t broken the news to you.
She already distancing herself from you. Take it for what it is: she’s done. Take the initiative and break up with her.
If she keeps avoiding you, then dump her over the phone or text. “Since I can’t seem to get a hold of you since you’re “so busy,” I’ll make this quick: we’re done. Have a good life.” Then block her on everything.
This has nothing to do with you being insecure. She’s throwing that word around to make you feel less than.
Yes. You should. I’ve been there. You’re not insecure. She’s not that into you
Only you know bro, but the fact you’ve asked here it would suggest you already know the answer. Respect yourself.
Action follows intent, OP.
I dated a younger woman when I was in my 30s. We both had busy schedules and she had some social time during the week with her friends. The weekends were for us and we had one date night during the week. Simple. I trusted her so there was no reason to be jealous.
From the sound of it, that’s not the kind of relationship you have. If your girlfriend is excluding you from her personal life and not making up for it by spending extra time with you, you don’t really have a girlfriend. You’re a convenient friend with benefits.
It’s possible that I have missed some context, so evaluate as objectively as you can and act accordingly. There is nothing wrong with having reasonalbe standards about how you want to be treated in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend having a social life provided that it’s not at the expense of your relationship.
it sounds like she’s already broken up with you, she just hasn’t told you yet. it sounds like she’s already broken up with you, she just hasn’t told you yet.
You’re not dating, she’s stringing you along. You should move on
Geez these comments are harsh. I wouldn’t say she’s not that into you , I would say she probably doesn’t realize how important you are —> I feel like that’s a bit nicer lol
I dated countless girls like this. Best to leave now because if she’s not making time for you during the honeymoon phase she never will. If she’s being defensive and saying you’re being insecure, she’s gaslighting. She won’t see the issue until you leave and bring this up as the reason, and even then she’ll think she didn’t do anything wrong. Leave now before it gets worse.
3 days is the perfect number of days too. just like jesus back then
Find someone who sees your bright light
Just leave. It’s not worth it.
Did this with a nine-month relationship. (Me, 19F and him, 21M at the time) Six months in, he started to hang out with his friends more, and in the sense of, literally every day and night. He lost his job later, and refused to find a new one. Started ignoring my texts weekly and when I asked to see him or hang out, he would just say he’s going to hang with his friends, again. Then ghost me for a week. I gave up after three months of anxiety and getting upset. Sent a long text saying it’s over and explaining what he did was wrong, and hoped he doesn’t do that to the next girl he gets with.
Left on read. Good riddance.
Yes, you’re wasting your time. If she’s too busy to spend time with you, but has plenty of time to go to events with friends, you’re last on her priority list.
Yes, you should take the hint and walk away.
Walk away. She’s going to crash out and try to get you to come back but don’t.
Woman here who used to have a nasty habit of doing this👋🏻 she’s lost interest and she’s probably waiting for you to just do it. If she puts in the effort to make time with her friends, she can do the same for you. If you stick it out, prepare for it to only get worse and your time be wasted even more.
If she’s putting out I’d probably give her another couple months to see what she wants but if she’s not I would definitely kick her to the curb. She doesn’t seem to interested but maybe there’s something else going on, hard to say
Yea. Because you value that. Maybe some people dont, but you do. Send er! You’re still young
Move on bro if you’re in a relationship with someone who loves you or is interested in loving you they will absolutely make time for you and that’s just the way it is. In the beginning of my relationship in the sweetheart phase my wife would always find things for us to do together and involve me in everything especially going out with her friends. She included me in everything even though I was still getting to know her. She was definitely my best friend and has always been very involving or will at least ask if I want to be involved with her day. But sounds like she doesn’t respect you or stringing you along because she knows she can. Nonetheless i wouldn’t put up with that shit.
The moment she calls you insecure for sharing your concerns, it’s over.
If someone likes you they’ll always make time for you
Yeah bro, time to ditch her for someone better.
You are completely valid in wanting to spend more time with your girlfriend and you are completely valid in feeling unfulfilled in the current situation. It sounds like she is perhaps not in the right phase of life for a relationship and that she needs to be single for a while, while her priorities are partying with her friends.
You should perhaps focus on finding someone else who is in a chapter of their own lives that matches yours and who is willing and able to reciprocate to the level that you feel good about.
At worst: she’s not that into you. At best: you’re not compatible because you want a partner who likes to be with their partner and she wants a partner who needs a lot of space.
You should probably sit her down, explain that you’re looking for more togetherness time, and that you’re going to start dating other people. You don’t need to break up, let her if that doesn’t work for her.
She’s ghosting you but in a way that she can’t be considered “the bad guy.” She wants you to be the one to officially end it. I’m not sure if it would be better for you to formally break up with her or just ghost her back though.
OP, I need to know how old your girlfriend is.
How often do you hang out? Once a week? More? Less?
I know it should be a different with you vs. her friends but it also kind of sucks when someone gets a bf/gf and basically just forgets anyone else exists.
Is it always the same group of friends? Or is she part of a few friend groups?
Maybe mention that you want to go with her to these events or outings?
Move on. You need to find someone that is more compatible with the relationship you are looking for.
You are wasting your time on someone who doesn’t have time for you. It doesn’t matter the reason she doesn’t have time for you. You are not a priority.
Are you ok having a relationship like that? If you are not, then break up. If you would like to hang out more and she doesn’t want to or apparently is too busy, then you’re not gonna be happy.
Yes, you are wasting your time. It seems like everyone else is the priority for her over you. When you are treated like second class, that is when you know you need to walk away.
Yes
she doesnt like you. when a girl likes you they will be almost annoying with how much time they want to spend with you
she’s just not that into you and is probably wondering why you don’t get the point.
like how many concerts do i have to go to without this guy for him to get the point.
if they’re NOT making time for you, they’ve already broken up with you, you just haven’t realized it yet.
Yes you should. Really, what is the point of the relationship if the other person will prioritize everything but time with you ?
She is not that into you, sorry.
She cheating. Move on buddy
Loll, dude a simple but guaranteed advice… If you have to ask reddit, it’s mostly over, time to move on:) Not to be so pessimistic but good luck on what is to come!
You’re being insecure because you want to spend more time with your girlfriend?…..As others said: she doesn’t like you. It’s as simple as that
Take the hint bro, she ain’t your girl.
G.A.S.lighting
Yes.
Time to leave bro. If youre asking/begging for attention 8 MONTHS IN, it will only get worse as she finds it to be acceptable behavior (you haven’t said no and you just allow her without raising a fuss).
Youre 28 and still super young as a man. Take this L, remember the signs, and next time be more vocal in your relationship. Even if you are a man, our emotions wants and desires matter too. Stand up for yourself. Leave her.
You deserve someone who puts in as much effort as you.
You say she is spending time with other friends and that it feels like she makes time for everyone except for you, but have you actually solidly quantified this to determine if that is true or not?
If she really isn’t spending enough time with you then yeah you need to look at what she is spending time on and determine if that’s worth it or not and it may not be. If it’s actually something serious that’s important to her like school, work, horseback riding etc then it may be okay, but if it’s just doing stuff with other people all the time then that doesn’t sound good.
You don’t really want to put her in an ultimatum and say you choose this other stuff or me because that’s not a right thing to do to somebody to try and make them choose, but you can explain that you need x amount of time each week from your girlfriend and since she doesn’t meet that need it can no longer work between you two and you are exiting the relationship.
Waste of time… Truly! Maybe she is simply implying she doesn’t want you anymore… Sorry, but the fact she said so much is going on? So much for her, and by the looks of it.. she doesn’t want you in it.
Does she even view you as a boyfriend anymore?
It would help to know how much time you guys actually spend together and the living situation. Are you guys separated by an hour drive or 15 minutes?
Yes. You care about her; she doesn’t care about you. If she did, she’d make time for you! Period!
She doesn’t even invite you to go with her??? Bro just let her go. If I were you in this situation I would just stop contacting her at all because she sounds like that she doesn’t even deserves a closure.
Forget her for a few days then observe yourself and her.
Don’t just wait around hoping things will improve. Try to have an honest conversation about how this is making you feel, if you haven’t already. Don’t take an accusatory tone, just state what your feelings are. If it doesn’t go anywhere, it’s probably time to end things.
Don’t stay moved on. You ended up cheating on her cus of this lack of respect and being with you. She sounds like a people pleaser . Respect yourself to walk away from a trash
Break up.
I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you care, you are probably a very nice and sweet person. Girlfriend’s spending time with their friends is a part of a normal healthy relationship. A girl who has her own life is healthy for her! So many people feel trapped by their partners. You two have may have a little bit of the opposite of that. Embrace it and make sure to put effort into making special moments for her. 8 months is where a relationship can start to fizzle out, and you kinda have to take it the next step. You know everything about this person basically. You share things. Now it’s time to put effort into coexisting in each other’s lives.
Good luck!
El amor es libertad. Mi peor experiencia de relación fue con un loco que no quería salir de casa. Y vivía en el ordenador. Agradece que esté vivo y normal.
Yes. Don’t give priority to those who treat you as an option.
Sounds like she got her eyes on someone else already and is just waiting for you to end it so she doesn’t have to be the “bad guy”.
If the new thing doesn’t pan out, she’ll probably contacts you again.
I’ve been there.
Don’t be a second choice.
Just use her like she is using you, and don’t miss any opportunities to upgrade.
Sounds like you want different things. In your shoes, I’d want someone who was on the same page as me and end things.
People either make time for you or they don’t. You don’t sound like a priority. If that isn’t good enough for you then don’t stay. It’s your choice
My advice? Focus on you. Put your energy into your health and well being. You will drain yourself putting energy into someone who isn’t reciprocating. Also, giving yourself that energy back with leave more room for someone nicer to come along and fill her spot.
Do you even need to? If they’re not putting in any effort, just stop putting in effort yourself and there will be no relationship to break up.
It sounds tough. After 8 months, both partners should make an effort. If you feel you’re the only one trying and she’s too busy for you, it might be worth a honest talk. Express how you feel and see if she’s willing to change. If not, walking away could be best for your peace of mind.
Break up, she sounds shitty.
DUH
How’s your sex life? If it’s worse than hers, dump her yesterday.
No , don’t breakup, meet girls and go oit with them and let her knows that
Yes.
I had this happen to me back in college. I thought it was going really well. The girl seemed really into me then out of nowhere she started becoming distant or always busy. I just broke it off with her and she was so angry. I found out later from her best friend that she had been planning to break up with me. She was only mad because I beat her to it and had been the only person in her entire life to break up with her. She had always been the dumper. She’s married now so I will always be the only person to ever have broke up with her. (Bar being divorced)
Sounds like she broke up with you already and you just haven’t figured it out yet. It is completely healthy for her to do things with friends but not to the level of it excluding you from her time as a result.
It sounds like she is blowing you off because she is too cowardly to break up with you. You should move on. I don’t believe in wasting time and putting in effort when you don’t receive any back. Respect yourself or nobody will.
Absolutely. Get rid of her
if she’s making time for everyone but you, that’s your answer. relationships aren’t about begging for scraps of attention. you deserve someone who actually wants to spend time with you, not someone who makes you feel like a burden. walking away might hurt now, but dragging it out will hurt way worse
Time to let her go before she damage you even more with her actions, dont wait that to happen. Be prepared for lies that she will change, just get rid of her
You can break up with someone for any reason that you want to. It doesn’t mean she is a bad person or you are a bad person for breaking up either. It just means you want different things and have different priorities. 8 months isn’t a very long time so best to explain that you are not getting what you need from the relationship and wish her well. It shouldn’t be this hard.
Honestly, is time for you to move your insecurity to someone who appreciates it.
The writing is on the wall. Time to move on and find someone who prioritizes you.
Not a priority, nobody is too busy for something they care about
You don’t mean much to her.
Be strong and move on
Yes.
Honestly, if someone keeps saying they are too busy for you but still finds time for everyone else, it clearly shows where their priorities are. A relationship can only work when both people put in equal effort, and right now it feels like you’re the only one trying. I get that people can be busy sometimes, but if she makes time for friends and events but not for you, then she’s just not valuing the relationship the same way you are. You’ve already communicated your feelings and instead of understanding, she calls you insecure, which is unfair. It’s good to give someone a chance, but if nothing changes even after being honest, then it’s better to walk away than keep wasting your time on someone who doesn’t respect your efforts. You honestly deserve someone who will give you the same energy and time you give to them.
As long as you aren’t being overly demanding of her time, it sounds like she doesn’t feel the same way about you. I would tell her how you feel one more time and then just tell her things not working for you and move on. Find someone that you are on the same page with. You deserve that!
People are not that hard to read and actions speak louder than words. I’m sorry but your guts are correct. She’s just not that into you. If she’s “too busy” then leave her be and move on. Making yourself anxious over a dead end relationship is the last thing you need.
If someone wants to see you they will make the time for you. It really is that simple.
She has someone else. You should leave.
Yes. I just went through this & I’m glad it’s over.
Yeah no she just isn’t that into you. Please go ahead and break it off. This isn’t a relationship. She is clearly making time for others so honestly she already had you in her back burner.
Always always ALWAYS date someone expecting that they will never change. If you’re okay living like this for the rest of your life then stay. If you would like things to be different, leave. Expecting change from someone else is not fair for YOU or THEM.
It would be one thing if she was legit busy…like going to law school or medical school or working a gazillion hours because she’s just starting her career…but not making time for you because she’s busy going to concerts or whatever with her friends means you’re just kind of a side thing.
From the sound of it I would agree with what everyone else has said, end it. You are not her priority. You didn’t give much detail about how much you two see each other though, so it’s hard to say whether or not you are over reacting. Some people need to see each other 2-3 times a week, some almost daily, some hardly at all. But if you aren’t seeing her for weeks at a time or once a week at most, I’d say she definitely lost interest or her priorities are elsewhere
Yes, I think so.
I’ve even walked away from a couple “friendships” when I got tired of putting in all the work while they hung out with others instead. 🤷 It’s enough of a hint to me.
How often do you see her these days?
Yes.
Don’t waste another minute. There are people who will want to make time for you.
You’re young.
Just text her a goodbye.
“Since you really don’t make time to see me, it’s best we just call it quits and you be on your way … and I’ll do the same. Best of everything. -Op”
You are suddenly single and ready to mingle.
I’ve been with my partner for just over four years, and today some issues that have been swirling around for a little bit came to a head and we had a 90 minute discussion about what was happening. We both agreed that we needed to reprioritize one another.
You’ve been with her for 8 months and it seems like you feel like you don’t matter to her. Having a significant other is a lot more involved than having friends, and it sounds like she’s simply not ready for that level of commitment.
100%
Yes
Sorry to say this but it doesn’t get better. Ppl make time for who they want to make time for!!! No matter how busy they are.
You spoke about it and it was turned around on you being insecure. Take your non-insecurities ass into a better relationship.
You’re not insecure bro, she is gaslighting you.
MOVE ON…. find someone that will be willing to make you apart of her life….
Move on set a goal one year no contact. Trust me after a year no contact you will forget her. Don’t waste your time
Yeah move to greener pastures , stop asking her if she like you and respects you she will reach out . Just live your life
Leave asap. She probably won’t even notice lol.
Yes
You’re clearly not a priority just fun to have when bored
Trust your instincts! If her actions don’t align with her words, that can be a red flag. It’s important to feel appreciated in a relationship, so take some time to reflect on whether this dynamic is serving you well.
Move on… sorry… you deserve someone who puts you first… my sr yr in college… I was crazy busy… I had this boyfriend who was a wanderer… he’d disappear and then just show up again… I decided that … well, I was always glad to see him…. But also… I considered him an important part of my future and I wanted to invest myself in that relationship… even if it meant staying up until 4 the next morning to finish my project… never regretted the time I spent with him… sometimes, he would help me study…or he’d sit and read while I finished some homework…I was never too busy for him because I loved him and wanted him with me….
Went through this just last week with my now ex, people make time for people they care about, she is creating distance and the truth is it will make you overthink and feel shit. Have another convo with her and if she is not willing to put in the time then end things. I’m a week on and feel so much better!
yes your needs also matter
Sorry to hear this. Id move on though. It usually just gets worse.
YES
Anybody who writes off concerns as being insecure is gaslighting
I see most people saying time to move on. While this definitely could be the case in your situation, I can share my experience that ended well. I was in a similar circumstance with my then girlfriend(now fiancée). I felt like I was the only one putting in time and effort for us to hang out. I felt this way for a few months, and when I brought it up I was told that she was just busy. Turns out she was just really busy at that time of life, and after a little bit she started being able to hang out with me more. We’re now engaged and things are going great. So, there could be hope yet. 🙂
Break up and move on. You are more into her than she is into you. You are wasting your time and energy on her. Dump her and move on.
Honestly this is mostly terrible advice, whats up with reddit always suggesting to just run, so much social incompetence the flight response is always triggered or what.
Plus relationship advice is almost always the same in the end, fucking talk to her about what you need, what she needs and if you can and want to make it work. If she talks about you just being insecure change the topic back to the actual problem of different expectations of time spent together. And maybe find compromises e.g. every Sunday you have a date with her
This was a problem with me and my ex. I worked two jobs and went to school full time. He got injured at work so there was an imbalance time wise. I was also always tired (like falling asleep in random places) and towards the end of our relationship constantly sick. We would text everyday, and fall asleep on the phone pretty often. I would get off a 10hr shift and uncontrolably pass out. Like if I sat down anywhere I was done for the night. Our last weekend together we got into a fight because I worked everyday that previous week and he asked me shouldn’t I tell him if I won’t be able to see him that weekend. I remember being so upset. I just worked all week and I just wanted to sleep in mt freetime. I told him it should be a given since I worked overtime that week, that he never told me when he was hanging out with that he “wasn’t going to see me” just what he was doing I naturally assumed from that I wouldn’t see him. That was the final straw for him. I gave him the time I could. To be fair though, I barely hung out with friends. Whenever I did he would kinda freak out and overtime it made me anxious. I just sleep or do homework in my free time.