I am 27 female and my boyfriend is 25 male, I am a doctor and he is an engineer, We have been dating for 1.5 years, It is a bit long distance but we meet every two months, When we first met I was doing my internship, Our bond has always been good with understanding and support, This year I did not get into PG, When I told my parents they said it is okay beta try again next year and study properly this time, Then I sent my result to my boyfriend, He did not call or even send a message, I was already depressed about not getting selected and his silence hurt me more, I was expecting emotional support from him, I called him myself and he just said he was working,
Later at night when we were on a video call he felt very different, He was not looking at me and his responses were dry, I asked him to say something and then he said that he had thought I would get selected and that we would grow together, He said I had category quota and I could have done it but I took it lightly, I told him that he had seen how hard I worked, It was my mistake that I attempted too many questions, Every morning I used to go to the hospital, return by 2 pm, cook, rest a little, still give him time and also study, He said he had told me many times that I should only attempt the questions I was sure of,
I asked him if he wanted to break up, He said that thought was going on in the back of his mind and now after seeing this result it feels stronger, I said are you really thinking of breaking up just because of my result, He said there are many things I take lightly and he always has to push me, I told him that I take care of my health, go to work, and manage myself, Yes sometimes he has to remind me but that does not mean he should think of breakup, Then he said long distance makes it harder since we do not meet often, I reminded him that he was the one who initiated this relationship, I had told him I did not want long distance but he insisted and said if someone wants to make it work they do,
He told me he wants his life partner to go to the gym with him, to have goals, and to think about improving in life, I said okay then let us break up, I did not cry or create drama, I told him next year I will get selected and he could at least give me a chance, He replied that one year is a long time and in that time he could improve and maybe find someone else, Then he said let us see for 4 or 5 months, If he does not see any improvement in me then we will break up, Later he started crying saying that no one has ever loved him as much as I do,
I was very angry and I scolded him, For two days I did not respond properly, Now he is trying to put in effort himself,
i want to break up with him but emotionally not prepared yet , and mentally I’m already.
See I already know the answer but I also want to know people’s opinion. Just don’t say you’re 27 and you are asking this.
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You are 27 and asking this?
Only you know the answer
Not random Redditors
He sounds like an unsupportive arsehole. You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to be loved. Dump him first and find someone who is actually worth your time
Its a little worrying youre even needing to ask.
He’s got you on a performance improvement plan. In a relationship.
Quit before you’re fired. And if mentions a notice period you need to ‘work’, tell him to do one.
This guy does not sound like a loving and supportive partner. Yes, this is a red flag and he is waiving it furiously. When someone shows you who they are you should believe them. Go take care of yourself, work on yourself, set your goals, and go meet them. This guy seems as if he is is a little too analytical and has too little heart.
Idk what’s more concerning what he said or the fact you asked
wait? so are you two actually breaking up because you failed at something? this is not the last time you will fail and he’s being really weird about it. framing it as “not growing together” is just strange. this doesn’t sound like love at all, he sounds more like a bossy life coach. your partner is supposed to encourage you to do better next time if you want to try again, not say “i told you so”. he honestly sounds quite shallow and image obsessed. i don’t think he wants you, he wants to date that doctor that makes him look good and even smarter by proxy. what does he like about YOU aside from your career prospects?
OP, you deserve better, someone who cheers you on when you’re down. don’t beg for his approval, find someone who is already in awe of you. you should be so proud of yourself! you’ve already made it this far!
bot account
As a doctor myself, I would suggest asking this question in r/Medspuses . The reason he gave you was an indirect way of saying he feels like as a couple, the cycle of being long distance is not changing and you not getting into your rotation is an indicator of that, ie there is no progression on the horizon for you, and by proxy, your relationship.
It takes a lot to put up with doctors in relationships, ask my wife. We are not able to invest the same commitment often that some need in a relationship, due to exams, call or long in-house hours. And then there sre fellowships. It is not for everyone. Just keep this in mind when you talk again.
Warning. Reddit will always tell you to break up. No exception.
That said, meeting once every two months isn’t a relationship.
Looks like more than him liking you. He liked the idea of what you were trying to attain when you began dating and since you couldnt get it somethimg in him switched off. You need someome to be with you during your setbacks not just during your good times. Ask yourself do you really want to lower your self esteem and force a relationship with someome who begin to think less of you because you couldnt get your PG done?
He’s dangling your worth on your exam results and “improvements,” which is manipulative and conditional love. If his first instinct during your lowest point was to criticize and consider leaving, he’s not a supportive partner. You already know you’re done mentally. Don’t drag your heart behind. Break clean now, so you can heal and focus on your goals without him weighing you down.
You don’t need permission from other people to leave a bad unhealthy relationship. If that is what you’re looking for then here it is from me.
Block him and go your own way, girl.
Thus relationship is over. It’s been over. Yall both just too scared to be the bad guy.
But he’s an asshole, leave him, that is, he was leaving you in a moment of difficulty instead of supporting you, it’s absurd, you seem like a strong woman who knows what she wants, in my opinion you deserve better, you deserve someone who would never leave you at the first difficulty also because the future is full of difficulties, how can you rely on a person like that?
Definitely break up with him now. Your boyfriend doesn’t care about you. All he cares about is himself. This guy sounds like a narcissist. He should’ve given you A LOT more emotional support. You deserve way better. There’s a lot more guys out there that will treat you right.
Maybe you should both grow up? It feels like you should focus on your future and he needs to figure out what he wants.
Hes obviously an asshole but why are you wasting time on this.
Focus on your career instead of this bozo. The last thing a young doctor in training needs is dead weight making their life more stressful and difficult. He should be trying to help make your life easier.
Good luck on your doctor journey.
Yes you should dump his ass. Work hard, get a seat and maybe a real man too. Then throw all of these together in his face one day so that he realises how small as a person he was with you. How in the world he’s dumping a DOCTOR for not becoming a specialist in the first attempt. Wtf man
Your BF did not offer support and care when you needed it. “When people tell you who they are, believe them.”