English is my second language so I apologize or any mistake
I’m (22 yo female) plan to marry my boyfriend (25yo male). He proposed to me after 2 years of dating. Our family liked each other and we have the appropriate income to take care for a family of our own. We don’t plan kids in the next 4 years because we’re both young but if things go out of plan I know that we both have the emotional and financial ability to take care of a baby, thus we’re South East Asian so our parents help with the kids has been the norms.
So seems like there’s no other reason to have a second thought except over the past 6 months I’ve been doubting if he still love me anymore because he’s been acting quite distance. I can’t go into the details because it’d be long but those little things told me that something is off.
I told him my doubs but he denied, stating that he still love me just the same and if I don’t trust him then I have his consent to check his phone, account and messages,..anything that I want to check.
I didn’t have the intention to do that until yesterday when he forgot his phone at my house, I got curious so I decided to scroll his facebook messenger a little (it is one of the most common social media used in my country) and I found out he has been texting this girl since 2022. Base on their texts I know that she’s a year or 2 younger than my fiance but they took a same class in 2022. They don’t talk much, it’s not like they’re best friends or sth but they catched up once in a while and had conversations about career, interview, hobbies and their career struggles.
I’m certain that he used to be attracted to her cause he asked her to the movie one time in 2023 and he didn’t even like those kind of movies cause I know he mostly just into anime. Also later yesterday when I confronted him about this and asked him if she Still like her. He said no but when I told him that’s okay do you Used To like her? Cause if you did like her I wouldn’t see it as a problem. Then he said nothing at all. She said she watched that movie before so they didn’t go, and she also showed no romantic interest towards him (I guess).
Those things are normal until I found some strange signs. First is that he initiated a text with her 1 month after we’ve already dated (but not official yet). He asked her if she’s interested in a job vacancy at his company, if she did he’d help her to get in.
The second sign was that he proposed to me in March 29 2025. Before that we’ve been talking about marry each other all the time. But later I was having second thoughts cause I doubted his love for me. So I said I wasn’t sure, should I marry you? He then said nothing, he didn’t try to say anything to convince me. We proceeded on the relationship as usual (I reconsidered and said yes in May).
In April 27 (1 month after he proposed), he sent her a Hi! sticker to that girl so she replied and asked how he’s been doing. When I confronted him about this, he said I swear that I didn’t send that sticker, it was facebook automatically sent it. He seemed scared when he said so and tried to get his phone back from my hand.
The last sign was that in April 27 (1 month after propsed but I hadn’t said yes yet) when they were talking the conversation shifted to the subject of working hard and he told her as a man he has to work hard to save money for marriage (it’s a thing in my country). So she asked her: “You’re gonna get marriage soon, right?”. Then he replied with laugh icon: “Me? No, maybe a long time more”. Then she asked him: “I thought you dated a girl last year?”(that’s me). He replied: “yeah that’s true but I haven’t thought about marrying yet, maybe in a few more years”
When I asked him why he said those things. He said it because he’s been used to his way of talking when he was still a student, he didn’t realize that when he’s no longer single he shouldn’t talk like that. He just choosing the wrong words to say and he just need to make adjustment to his way of talking. And also he said I didn’t said yes in March 29 so he shouldn’t be so sure of saying he’s gonna get marry. He apologized to me and ask for my forgiveness
And But I keep feeling like there’s more into this considering the thing about that sticker, and the fact that he said that girl was nothing but a stranger to him, not even a friend. But when I pointed out why did he asked her to see a movie he didn’t even like, he said nothing.
I’ve been confused guys, maybe he doesn’t love me anymore and I should let go or maybe I was overreacting. Please tell me
Comments
You’re not overreacting your instincts and feelings matter. It’s okay to pause and take a step back before making a lifelong commitment. Love should come with honesty, consistency, and clarity if you feel unsure, listen to that. You deserve someone who chooses you fully and makes you feel secure.
If he loved you fully, you wouldn’t feel like a backup plan. Pause the wedding because trust isn’t built on half truths, weak excuses, and secret stickers.
You’re not overreacting. His words and actions don’t match. If you feel in your gut he’s hiding stuff, trust that. You don’t have to cancel the wedding today, but don’t rush it either. Take your time, watch his actions, and see if he earns your trust back before making a big move.
Trust your gut. Talk openly. Don’t rush if unsure. Your peace matters
I think a better question is, do you want to marry him?
I was immediately suspicious when you said you asked him why he felt distant, and his reaction was to tell you he had nothing to hide. Not a normal response unless you really do have something to hide.
Then you found what he was hiding. He can try to explain it all away as much as he wants, but no one conveniently forgets they just proposed to someone. If he was really just friends with this woman, wouldn’t he have shared this important piece of information? But he didn’t. He acted like he wasn’t in a serious relationship. In fact, he tried to deny he even texted her a hello.
Trust yourself!
Trust your gut.
I think you have many doubts and don’t trust your partner. Those are reasons to cancel/ postpone wedding.
Postpone the wedding at the very least. Actions speak louder than words.
This feels like it can lead to emotional cheating in the future. Your instincts are correct. Don’t go through the wedding. If he loved you, like he said he did, he’d be sure about you even before he proposed. Don’t do this.
I think you not saying yes right away on the day he asked was a big sign that you knew/felt something was off.
This ship is already sinking, get out before you drown
Never enter a marriage with doubts, that is all I can say, the rest is really up to you.
I honestly thought you were being paranoid and insufferable until the last text you saw about him talking about marriage. You’re both young and he enjoys the attention of this young girl and clearly wants something whether it’s just more attention, sex, or to date her. He’s hiding the fact that he’s marrying you. Normal platonic friends don’t do that. She might not want anything more from him but he’s leaving open the option if she does. Don’t marry him he’s not ready.
When people are getting married they should be over the moon, and extremely excited at the idea, not second guessing or doubting. Imagine yourself in 5 years. Ask if it’s right or not. You’ll know the answer
I’m a filipina living in Australia,dont worry about your english westeners are nice ,you ask our opinions here, please dont gamble your heart his not the only guy in the world ,marry a person who feels right like I did ,I once have a friend same as what you felt and describe it didn’t work they end up separated the most horrible thing is kids will suffer.
Neither one of you is remotely mature enough to marry. It sounds like he is just barely friends with that girl, it’s not jealousy territory. You are really jealous over nothing. He is distant because he is not ready to get married. You are clearly not ready. Just put this whole plan on hold, and grow up for a few years. You don’t mention loving each other. Being a good couple on paper is not enough to commit for life.