Just got out of an 11 years relationship, thought it would be so hard and my first week was cruelsome. but it started getting so much better, my past relationship might have been over since 2 years ago, but we just couldn’t end it.
I’m a 29 yo male. 1 month later i met a girl (25 yo), bff of my brother’s girlfriend. The 4 of us hung out twice last week. friday we had a meal together (the 4 of us) and drank some beers at her place, saturday we partied until 7 am at my apartment (the 4 of us). since then it’s been a week and can’t stop thinking about her. don’t have her number or anything, but i know her instagram account (ofc could also ask my brother’s girlfriend for her number). my question is, is it too quick for me to write her? again, can’t stop thinking about her despite being in an 11 years relationship a month ago. the thought of her is really giving me sleep trouble and I have no idea if she even likes me or not (she’s also out of a relationship). sounds crazy but I’m a bit desperate, and I don’t even think about sex, just want to get to know her better. would really love some advice.
TL:DR : after an 11 years relationship, me, 29 male, just met another girl. is it too quick for me to contact her, even though I have no idea if she likes me?
Comments
It’s not too quick to contact her but it is too quick to be up all night obsessing. Take a breath. You may get to know her better and like what you see or not.
Be open to possibilities but if you’re getting too attached to early then consider you just want to be in ANY relationship and your ability to pick a good partner isn’t so great in that situation and you might benefit from being single for a bit longer.
Dude. You know it’s too soon. One month? Even if your last relationship was already “dead” for a while. Even if your last relationship was a 3mo relationship. Too soon.
Part of the positivity that you’re feeling is just the glow of hope that you can be with somebody again and feel good about it. That feeling is probably more about the general situation and the prospect of meeting a person, but not necessarily about meeting this person. I would not get overly swept up in this feeling, and I would force yourself to be single for at least 6 months (or even a year) just to make sure you’ve found your footing as a single adult for the first time.
I am sure you are wondering if maybe she could be the perfect person for you and you don’t want to miss your chance. But if you’re able to find the perfect person in just 4 weeks after dating somebody for 11 years, then I promise you can find another perfect person 6 months from now.
It’s not too soon to contact her but you might want to hit the breaks on obsessing about her. Honestly, 11 years is a LONG time with someone. The worry here isn’t that you HAVE to wait to get to know someone better, it’s that you probably need some time to heal from the grief of that relationship you ended. There’s no actual time frame for what that looks like though. For some people it might only take a month because maybe the last two years of your 11 year relationship were dead in the water anyway, but for others…it could months or even a year or two to make sure they aren’t bringing the emotional baggage from their past relationship into the beginning of a new one.
If you feel like contacting her and asking her to hang one on one…Why not? Life is short. Just be mindful of the kind of baggage you might be bringing into it.
Get her number and call her. She isn’t your girlfriend right now and if she’s not interested or it’s not my the right time, she still won’t be your girlfriend. It literally costs you nothing. Give it a shot and see what happens. Nearly every regret people have is because of things they didn’t do, not because of times they tried something and it didn’t work.