I (32F) have a close friend (36M) of 8 years. We used to be inseparable — talked for hours, went out all the time, shared everything. After I got married, I was open about him to my husband (36M), and there were never any issues. My husband and him even got along.
But over the years, the friendship started fading. Calls went from daily → monthly → once every few months. After I got pregnant and moved farther away, we barely met. And honestly, I started feeling like he doesn’t “get” me anymore. I’d ignore his calls, pick up only sometimes.
5 months ago I shifted to another city. Last month he called when I was upset and I told him I’ll share when we meet (I meant next time I visit my hometown). But 2 days ago, he suddenly flew down just to see me. He spent 20k on a flight.
The problem? I wasn’t happy. It felt like a burden. My husband told me I should still meet him, so I did. But the whole time I had nothing to say, no excitement. That night I couldn’t sleep and realized I don’t want this friendship anymore.
For context: he’s married but his wife doesn’t know about our friendship. Also, in the past, there were moments when I was upset and he laughed at my feelings — maybe not intentionally, but it hurt. Over time, I’ve just detached.
My husband thinks I shouldn’t say anything because it’ll hurt him. But I feel like I can’t continue something that feels forced.
So… should I be honest with him and tell him I can’t continue this friendship? Or should I just slowly fade away?
TL;DR: My once-inseparable friend of 8 years flew in to meet me, but I realized I no longer feel connected or happy around him. Should I tell him directly I can’t continue this friendship, or just let it fade?
Comments
I would just be honest and tell him. You have your reasons why you want to end it and that’s all that matters.
If you let it fade, you run the risk of what just happened, which is him just showing up.