Hey! I’ve tried thinking about what I’m going to ask you guys for a few months now and can’t seem to get an answer out of myself so I figures I should get an outside perspective.
Just to give a context, this is us and how we met. I 21M and my boyfriend 19M started dating 3 years ago when we met on a summer camp for a couple of months. I went back to where I live and he went back to where he lives which is 2 hours away from eachother and costs a kidney to travel since both of us still study and can’t afford the money to buy tickets.
Later this year I’m moving out to go abroad to continue my studies for the next 2 years and he is staying where he lives for the next 4 years to finish her college degree.
We see eachother every 2 months and stay together for 1 week while we’re with eachother and then go back to where we live. The thing is, I’ve started to think about whether if it’s worth continuing our relationship because I truly do not see a future where we are together in the next 4/5 years and it just gets tiring the long distance… I am a very physical person and it just kills me to not be able to be with the person that I love. The other part of the question is that our relationship is really really good, he’s just great with me, we almost never fight, and when we do it’s we talk it out 10 minutes after. His family is great with me too and very supportive, i’ve met everyone and developed a close friendship with her siblings.
And here is where the problems start… if he was a jerk or there was something wrong with our relationship I would not hesitate to end things, but things are just great, the only thing that’s missing is physical contact and that’s something really hard for me… and have started to think about other people to get the physical stuff I’m not getting and I hate that about myself as I’ve always been loyal and honest in my relationships.
I’ve tried to talk with him about the future and my concerns but he doesn’t really like to talk about it and gets really upset…
I’m meeting him next week, what do you think I should do?
If you guys have any insights or similar past experiences, I would highly appreciate them! Feel free to reach out in dm’s as well if you wich.
Thank you for taking the time to read this out.
TL;DR: Going on 3 years long distance, don’t see a close future where we’re together. He’s great tho and so is his family.
Comments
In my opinion, long distance only works out when:
There is a realistic end point in sight
Both people are so “HELL YES” for one another that they are willing to deal with the hardships
Both people are the type who are able to have their needs met even with long distance (so for example in terms of sexual things they are able to feel fulfilled through phone sex, sexting, sending each other nudes, using toys controlled by the other person or whatever else).
It sounds like you find the “end point” too far away, are not totally “Hell Yes!” anymore and your needs are not fulfilled. As such, I would say it’s probably better to end it – but you could also say that it doesn’t hurt to try. It’s a bit of a fine line between not wanting to call it quits yet because you want to believe in the relationship despite knowing better and starting to string the other person along.
Thank you for your comment. I mean I do believe in the relationship and I know that if we were to be together at some point in time, it would be great so that’s why I want to believe that it will work out. Plus, and I forgot to mention, this is our first real relationship for the both of us, so I figure ir would be harder to just call it quits…
If you don’t see a future together, it seems you already made up your mind about the situation. And yes, it’ll hurt, especially since no one is doing anything wrong, but it’s better to end it now then to wait until after you’re abroad, or it’s been another 4-5 years invested. You can do this ❤️