Me and my husband are getting divorced. I am not handling it well but that’s a story for another day but I just need unbiased advice. He told me we can stay living in our house and he’ll continue to pay for everything until I can figure things out. I just want to do what’s best for my son
With husband
Pros: he has his own room, we have a backyard, he has a ton of space and toys to run around with and enjoy. I have my own space to cook and clean and keep the schedule that we’ve always had.
Cons: I’ve always been the only one actively taking care of him. I don’t know how to drive so I can’t take him to socialize or do anything unless my husband takes us.
With family
Pros: My family helps me with him. He has been talking a lot more since it isn’t just me and my husband. I can move around and take him places whenever I please.
Cons: we’ll be sleeping on couches in my mom and sister’s apartments. I’ll have to pay for daycare (which is so expensive it’s ridiculous). I’ll have to get rid of all of our things. He has so much toys and stuff that I just won’t be able to take back home.
I just don’t know what to do
Comments
I’d stay & figure out the future, quickly.
Also learn how to Drive
What’s the timeline you have in your head?
If it’s a couple of weeks and you’ll just get working on getting back on your feet, solo, I’d stay at your current house.
If there’s lingering feelings and a small voice in the back of your head that this might be a way to get back together, I’d move to my family.
Either way, best of luck with your situation. This is never easy.
Think about what will bring your son the most stability and happiness in the long run. If having more help with him and your mental space feels right, leaning toward your family might be worth considering-even with the sacrifices. But if your son benefits from the stability of staying in his familiar environment, staying in the house might feel better.
Simple….experiment with ‘husband Pros’ for a set time if it’s successful continue, if it fails go to ‘family pros’ good luck.
Stay at the matrimonial home. Can you go to your family every second weekend and leave your son with dad? So that father can start to acclimatize to caring for baby boy? This would also give you a break. It’s a slow entry into co-parenting. You can try to get the positives of both worlds while you figure things out. Good luck. It’s going to be okay. ♥️
For now I guess I’d stay with the soon-to-be ex. So whose house is it? Why do you have to be the one to leave? Why can’t he leave?. If he leaves it’s just him. Have you spoken to a lawyer?. If you leave and move in with your mother and sister he has to pay you child support so that should help with daycare. Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Also go out and get your license.
Does “Husband Pros” include you having your own bedroom too? Staying seems like the best option for now; use the time to learn to drive and find daycare and a good job.
Is your family also in NYC? There are less expensive places to live.
Kids are resilient. I would move out and be with family. You can rebound. Get your bearings and plot a path forward
OP, I am truly sorry you’re going through this.
If I were you, I’d stay living with your husband. Learn to drive and perhaps start looking for a part-time job like evenings. Your stbx can stay home with your son. Every other weekend, leave your son with his dad and go visit family. Get your son and his dad used to a possible visitation schedule.
Once some money is saved up, look for a possible roommate situation, perhaps with another single parent.
Good luck, OP. Stay safe and keep us updated.
If you can coexist with your soon-to-be ex, you might consider staying but put an exit plan in place. For the sake of your child, will your husband do things like teach you to drive or pay for you to learn to drive. Do you have a job? Can you get a job or go to school so that you can get a decent job to help support your child?
Child support is never enough to cover the expenses of raising children so the better prepared you are the better it will be for everyone involved, including your ex. If everything you both do is focused on coparenting and making sure your child has the best possible life then stay. Good luck.