This is a throwaway account. I’m (21 F) planning on moving out within the next few months alongside my boyfriend (23 M) of 3 years. This has been in the talks since we live with his single mother (56 F) and we need our own space since our relationship is getting more serious but I am a bit worried for his mom. I wouldn’t mind living alongside his mom but we do not get along and my patience is growing thin with her. Every day, I have to sneak out in order to make sure I don’t run into her. Whenever my boyfriend is at work, his mom will sometimes clean the house and loudly yell out the snarkiest and ugliest comments about me making sure that I hear it. I have to wear my noise canceling headphones because embarrassingly enough it brings me to tears since I am very sensitive and can’t tolerate hearing those comments. His mom wouldn’t dare say those things in her son’s presence, only when she knows I’m alone. It is the strangest living situation. We used to get along but she changed and hated that I was “taking away” her only son’s attention. Apparently she even told her friend I wasn’t good enough for him and it made me feel terrible about myself. At this time, I was also taking a gap year from college and she would make unnecessary comments about that to her friend as well.
Things really took a turn when my bfs mom decided to try and “hunt” down my parents( she had never met them) on Facebook in order to text them and make stuff about me so I could get into trouble. She couldn’t find them so the next best thing was to POST these crazy rumors about me (apparently I’m a gold digger, slut and a bum because i was taking a gap year etc) in order for all her friends to see which eventually reached my entire family’s timeline and was then sent to my parents. How humiliating! My boyfriend was furious when he found out and demanded she apologize to me. His mom took her posts down but laughed at the fact I cried over the situation and never offered me an apology. Fortunately for me, my parents did not believe a single word and sided with me. I ended up moving out since sneaking out was too childish at my age and I wanted to be petty by letting her know her childish plan backfired. My bfs mom is Colombian and she told my boyfriend she was moving back to Colombia because of me. I knew her plan was to make my boyfriend feel bad because she never ended up moving out. His mom was crazy enough to make multiple fake boxes and leave them in the living room to make it seem like she was moving out. INSANE!?
Ever since that incident, my boyfriend refuses to speak to his mom which for some reason makes me feel bad since she raised him as a single mother. I feel the need to clarify why I’m worried for her. His mom is so dependent of my boyfriend to the point he used to drive her everywhere she wanted including her job since she does not have a car nor knows how to drive. Not only that but my boyfriend provides a lot for her by paying majority of the household bills such as the rent (we all split), the electric bill, and water bill. His mom takes advantage of this and recently became petty by leaving the lights and heater on in her room on ALL DAY even after he told her to use them less. We do the opposite in order to save money but she is inconsiderate. Since we are moving out, she will be left alone with those bills and for some reason I’m worried she won’t be able to handle it all on her own. My boyfriend says it’s her problem and she is old enough to know what to do. I don’t think she even has a savings account. We told her we are moving out but she doesn’t believe us and continues to stay home all day instead of looking to make more money. His mom only works three days a week (18-24 hours max) and has five days off where she doesn’t do anything productive. I HATE that I feel bad for her but I couldn’t imagine doing this to my own mother. Has anyone else dealt with a mil similar to her? Do we move out and let her figure it out? Should I ever reconcile with her? Do we even keep in contact with her after we move out? My boyfriend is the type to go no contact but I fear he will regret it in the long run and I don’t want that for him.
Thanks for reading this long post, I apologize for any typos I’m running on 5 hours of sleep! I appreciate ANY type of advice! 🙂
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She’s guilt tripping you and it’s working.
Your boyfriend clearly knows what she’s up to so let him deal with her
If ever you’re alone with her, set your phone to record.
Why are you trying to stop her from drowning herself when her own son can tell she is kneeling in shallow water?
“my bfs mom decided to try and “hunt” down my parents( she had never met them) on Facebook in order to text them and make stuff about me so I could get into trouble.She couldn’t find them so the next best thing was to POST these crazy rumors about me (apparently I’m a gold digger, slut and a bum because i was taking a gap year etc) “
—BINGO!!!! That forfeits having any relationship forever. It also extends to any future children since she might try to report you to authorities for no valid reason and tell lies to kids as they grow and other undermining acts.
“My boyfriend was furious when he found out and demanded she apologize to me. His mom took her posts down but laughed at the fact I cried over the situation and never offered me an apology.”
—This only reinforces such a decision to cut her off.
“Ever since that incident, my boyfriend refuses to speak to his mom which for some reason makes me feel bad since she raised him as a single mother. I feel the need to clarify why I’m worried for her. His mom is so dependent of my boyfriend”
—Being single is irrelevant. As far as dependency goes, she’s an adult and needs to re-learn to be independent. Also, as an adult, she needs to learn not to bite the hand that feeds her.
“my boyfriend provides a lot for her by paying majority of the household bills such as the rent (we all split), the electric bill, and water bill. His mom takes advantage of this and recently became petty by leaving the lights and heater on in her room on ALL DAY”
—That’s biting the hand that feeds her. She needs conseqeunces. Not just for her cruelty and false accusations, but to become able to fend for herself. If she was a single mother, she is capable of doing so already. She needs the nudge to do it again.
Do you realize how many victimized DILs’ that would be so relieved to have an SO like yours? Remember, attacks on you are also attacks on him and vice versa. Will you have HIS back?