Should I help my parents around the house even if they don’t approve of the way I do things?

r/

My parents (late 50s) are getting on in years and if I (late 20s) don’t help around the house things tend to get out of hand. Due to chronic abuse from my dad, my mom has become incapable of keeping up with the house work to the point that the house ends up looking like a hoarder house. Which leads to more abuse from my father towards my mother about not being able to keep up with the house work. I’m the oldest and have younger siblings still in school and college and the mess affects them too. Recently I started helping around the house and my parents don’t approve of the way I do things and say they prefer the way things were before cause they knew where everything was in the mess but now since everything is organised and has a place it takes longer to get to (for example clothes had a permanent place on the floor to the point that there was no room to walk rather then being folded and put away into the cupboard… and now that they are in the cupboard they still usually yank things out leading to unfolding all the clothes again on the floor). They do get the bare minimum done… clothes eventually get washed, dishes eventually get done and they seem to be fine living that way… so should I keep helping around the house or am I being an asshole by interfering in their lives? Because if I think about it from another perspective, if someone rearranged my things i would be pissed too, albeit i do keep my place clean and organised so i dont see the point of rearrangement since everything is already in its proper place… but they probably also feel like their things are in there proper place on the floor too. Please help. Constructive criticism is welcome. Thank you

Comments

  1. OodlesofCanoodles Avatar

    You are being an asshole to yourself a little bit but not to them. 

    I would take your mom out and let her know that you would emotionally support her if she formally files from divorce and gets out of the abuse but that you will not be talking more about it so she doesn’t isolate.

    Go live your life!