What would you do in my shoes?
Hi, im 24F currently living with my bf, 24M and we have been together for 4 years. We have a 4 month old son. My boyfriend has a porn addiction, he has thousands of women’s nudes in his phone, multiple hour long bathroom trips a day, it’s a whole thing.
Last week we got into an argument because I had told him so many times how his porn addiction impacts not only and my self worth, but our relationship, and I had enough and told him I am leaving. I took my son and left to my parents house for about a week. When I came back for my things, he cried to me that he doesn’t want to lose his family and he will delete everything. I think it’s worth nothing that he is NOT a crier nor someone who would ever “chase” or beg. So I took this seriously and it felt very genuine.
Later that night when we were about to go through his phone together to delete things he looked me dead in the face and said, “I have a question, but you can’t be mad. Would you be down to have a 3some?” I was so hurt by this question (and the timing of it..wtf??) that I blew up on him, said things like “how about you watch another guy f*** me from the back. Is that hot? I took my son and slept in the car. I just feel like I am never enough for him..Today I have been looking for shelters because I have nowhere to go long term with a baby. My question is, Should I sit him down and have a conversation about this? What do I even say? Or is there not even a point In talking about it.. I dont want to lose him. But I dont know if I can get past this. I would want to..I know this post makes him look like a bad guy but he’s not. In all other aspects he is good to us. Looking for advice or what you would do in these shoes. Thanks.
TL;DR been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have a 4-month-old. He has a porn addiction that’s hurt me deeply. After I left with our baby, he begged me to stay and promised to change—but that same night, he asked if I’d have a threesome. I was heartbroken and slept in the car. I feel like I’ll never be enough for him, and now I’m looking into shelters. I don’t know if I should try to work through this or leave for good.
Comments
You absolutely leave and don’t look back.
This dude, in the midst of LOSING his gf and son, had the mutherflucking AUDACITY to suggest a threesome.
Absolutely-fucking-not.
Love, you are 24. So young. So much life and happiness to live. You will forfeit all of that the longer you stay with this loser.
Tell him that real action over a sustained period of time is the only way back to his family. Until then, you’ll do you.
My suggestion is to let him keep the photos and applications for now. Because cold-quitting anything when you have a serious addiction will always lead to withdrawal symptoms. What your husband needs to do is get therapy and counselling for his porn addiction. See if there’s any progress after a year. If not, then I suggest you get a divorce because you don’t want your son to get affected by this as well.
Also the fact that he suggested a threesome is a sign that he low-key wants to cheat (my ex said the same thing but I handled it calmly and asked why).
All the best and stay safe.
Ok so let’s look at it this way. A person who is genuinely sorry and wants to change/recover from addiction, will do this by taking active steps to changing the situation.
This would include going to therapy to figure out why the addiction is happening, removing any access to apps/subscriptions/photos In FRONT Of YOU for accountability’s sake, and most likely, joins some type of support group for addicts so that he can stay accountable to them (because you aren’t his mother and shouldnt have to check his phone for porn like he’s a naughty child).
Instead, what your bf has done, is none of that but rather asked you if you’d have a threesome with him.
It would be comical if it wasn’t so fucked up.
This man is too immature and selfish to do any type of recovery from his addiction. You will be dealing with this for years if you don’t leave now. Are you prepared to have this battle over and over? You shouldn’t, for your own sanity.