TL;DR – I caught my boyfriend watching porn a second time after making him aware I’m uncomfortable about it, and him lying to me. Should I leave him?
Me (17 F) and my partner (17 M) have been together for about 2 and a half years now. Very early in our relationship, I made him aware that watching porn whilst in a relationship is not something I am okay with. At the time, he told me he agreed with this and that he thinks the same. OK cool.
About a year later, I’m starting to get suspicious that this is too good to be true and look through his phone. I find out he has been watching it the whole time and lied to me for the first year of our relationship. This breaks my heart, I’m unable to eat, sleep and consider leaving. But I love him so I don’t because he tells me he’ll stop after seeing how much it affected me. I believed him that after seeing my pain he would change. I told him that If I found out again, I would leave.
Now fast forward to last week, I found out he was STILL doing it, but this time he confessed to me during a conversation about the topic. He seemed extremely scared to tell me considering i had said that I would leave him. Once again, I am left in the state I was last year.
I haven’t left him because I love him and want to believe he will change, I have no other friends and my life will become so much more dull without him. But, I don’t want to keep finding out he’s still doing it every time he tells me he’ll stop. I don’t want to keep getting sick.
I’ve started to set up an album for him with intimate pictures of myself which he seemed happy about when I showed him. I told him I am not going to judge him for doing it when it is over me, but it is other girls I have a problem with. He told me he understood.
I’m happy with the situation above and am completely happy to provide pictures of myself for his use, however I don’t want to find out in a few months time or a year that he was using porn again, especially when I have provided pictures of myself meaning he chose another girl over me. I know this will make me sick.
I have vowed to myself that if I find out one more time I will leave, but I’m wondering if I should even let it get that far.
Will he do it again?
Do I leave now before it happens?
Comments
If porn is a true dealbreaker for you, yeah. If you can learn to accept it, then no but tell him he has to earn your trust back if you’re bent on staying together.
How many times do you want to allow yourself to catch him? If this isn’t something you can get over then it’s probably best you do yourself a favor and leave. You WILL catch him again, you already have even after he said he stopped. He’s either going to become good at hiding it or you’ll become to paranoid and anxious if he’s doing it or not. That doesn’t seem fun for either of you. He should respect you enough to stop even if others don’t see porn as a big deal in their relationship. If he’s getting his needs met by you then I don’t know why he needs to watch it anyway.
y’all doing too much at 17. there’s no stakes here go find somebody who doesn’t want to watch porn. it might take you a little while but thats just my opinion.
Unpopular opinion here.
Guys – and many women – will sometimes masturbate – even when they are in a relationship. And they will watch porn, look at pictures, read erotica or simply fantasize.
If you try to stop your lover from doing this, in most cases, he will simply hide it from you. What you are actually doing is teaching him to hide part of his life from you – just because you want to be the only person he fantasizes about – and that is simply not going to happen.
I’ve been married for years. I love my wife and I would never cheat on her. But, like many men, if I don’t have an O before I go to bed, I’ll wake in the middle of the night with a hard on – and won’t be able to get back to sleep. Do my wife and I have sex every night? No. But she understands that I masturbate – and that I use erotica while I do so.
Better still, sometimes, when she’s not in the mood to play, she lies next to me and runs her hands over me and bites my ear while I get off. Sometimes she will suggest fantasies like that a hot neighbor was riding me. It’s a great way to share – I love it.
Honestly, sometimes she’s in the mood and I’m not, and she plays next to me – and I try to make it better.
IMHO, this is way healthier than hiding our fantasy life from each other.
If it’s a dealbreaker for you, then leave. But the fact that it affects you so much that you can’t eat or sleep is an issue you need to sort out, ideally with therapy.
Imo, porn (unless it’s an addiction) is really no big deal. We all take a peek every now and then 🤷🏽♀️