Hello I’m new here so forgive me if I make any mistakes or grammar errors.
Me and my gf have been dating for over 2 years and recently our relationship has changed a lot. In a couple weeks we both head off to college. I’m staying at home and she is going to another city but I’ll still be able to visit her somewhat often.
Our relationship has been really strong always and I love her more than life. She’s everything to me but I’ve always been paranoid about losing her. Because of that I’ve always tried to keep my worried and anxiety to myself knowing it was irrational. I have often feared she was cheating or going to breakup with me even when I knew it wasn’t true.
This last year my gf was really struggling mentally and so like always I’ve taken the brunt of being there for her emotionally. It started to take a toll on me during the summer and my anxiety has been getting really bad. As the summer went on my girlfriend formed a really close friend group and has been doing wayyyy better.
She spends time with a guy I’ll call Dan. She met dan on a trip and they got really close fast. They have almost everything in common from music to hobbies. They even started working together. The past month or so they’ve started spending almost everyday together. They work together during the day and after work she drives him around for hours before hanging out at his house. Occasionally I’ll ask and she’ll invite me or bring him to my place. Over the summer she’s also spent less and less time with me especially one on one.
To clarify she is not cheating on me I am sure of that (at least not physically) because Dan also has a gf who is in our friend group (and ofc I do trust my gf) but it does affect me knowing that Dan is into everything my gf likes and is also exactly her type.
Over the past year my gf also developed a hate for phones due to her mental health issues and during the summer she’s been barely using her phone which I think is why her mood has improved. While I’m really happy for her I also lost that last bit of connection as now the only time we talk is when we are in a big group or for a few hours before bed when she sleeps over (which happens maybe 5-10 times a month).
I want to bring this and other concerns and worries I have up to my gf. Not because I think any of my concerns are valid but because I think my behavior has started to affect her and our friends. I’m going on a trip with her Dan and his gf soon and I won’t have the chance to sit down with her and talk before the trip and don’t wanna ruin her trip either. But I also don’t know if I wanna wait till we get back.
Does anyone have advice? Do you think It could be beneficial if I keep this to myself and just ask to spend more time with her? Do I open up after the trip? Or would it be a good idea to have this conversation over text?
TLDR my gf isn’t spending time with me and is choosing to spend time with a friend and I want to confront her even tho I know she isn’t cheating.
P.S. sorry if this is just me rambling I’m just really confused.
Comments
Oh honey. She spends hours of her day with another boy and barely speaks to you unless it’s in a group setting. Whilst I’m a huge advocate of trying to communicate before jumping straight to a break up, it sounds to me like this relationship has run its course. The phone thing also sounds like a really convenient excuse to limit contact with you.
Personally, it seems to me as though she’s trying to quietly push you away. She’s found a new friendship group, no longer needs you to be her free therapist, and doesn’t seem to show any interest in having you around anymore. The fact that you need to ask to be invited places is heartbreaking to read.
Have a conversation with her about it if you really want to try and salvage the relationship, but I can tell you for a fact your anxiety is not unfounded, and I don’t anticipate her behaviour changing.