Hey everyone,
I (25M) recently left my job where I worked for over a year. During that time, I developed a good connection with a female coworker (27F). We had many personal, respectful, deep conversations and shared values.
Toward the end of my time there, I felt like I wanted to get to know her more seriously – not just as a colleague. I didn’t directly say that I liked her, but I gave her my number and suggested we stay in contact. She told me her Instagram was deactivated (which it was), but she’d be open to exchanging numbers – so I sent mine.
Before my final day, I wrote her a message through our work chat where I expressed that I admired her values, her character, and would be interested in getting to know her beyond the work context.
After that, she didn’t reply. My work account was deactivated a few hours later, so I don’t know for sure if she ever read the message. A few days later, I noticed that she reactivated her Instagram – she doesn’t know that I found her account
So now I’m wondering:
Would it be weird or inappropriate to send her a follow request or a message on Instagram?
Would it feel invasive since she doesn’t know I have her handle? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.
At the same time, I’d like to respectfully clarify if she saw the message or not. If she’s not interested, I’ll accept that – but it feels like things were left open without closure.
Would really appreciate your thoughts. Thanks
Comments
Do you and her have mutual followers?
I don’t think it would be weird to reach out and just explain the situation. If she tells you she’s not interested then question answered. This way at least you’ll know.
Just let it be.
Bro if you ain’t gotten a text message from her you got your answer. No reply or text message is a message
She’s not interested.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but does Instagram suggest friends based on your phone’s contact list? That could be your alibi as to how you managed to come across her Instagram.
Go for it. You have nothing to lose
Your work account was closed after messaging her?
Unfortunately it sound slike your using it for personal reasons was noticed or reported.
I would let it be.
Message her ffs!
You probably blew it but it can’t hurt to reach out one more time
You could just straight up say you looked her up by her name bc you’d like to get together as you e joked your working relationship. You can also express that you totally understand if she isnt comfortable with that and wish her well.
Take a chance man. Like worst thing that could happen? Don’t be creepy. But send her a message
You’re torn. Sending a follow request might feel invasive since she didn’t explicitly share her Instagram with you. Consider waiting or sending a casual message if you decide to reach out. Keep it light and friendly, and be prepared for any response or none at all.
Wait a few days, CALL her with your VOICE and chat to see how it goes. Ask for a drink. If she says no, you have your closure.
EDIT: my bad. Ask for her number over IG, and then do this. I missed that step. If you don’t get a response, then you have your closure.
She isn’t interested… but you never said why you left.
Maybe I’m cynical, did you get fired for harassment of a Co-worker? If so, it could of been your message
Woman here. You made your feelings known. Pushing it any further will have no benefit. Quit stalking her. The ball is in her court. She has your number and will use it if she wants to.
Reach out to her on IG. See what happens.
You already exchanged phone numbers. If she were interested she would have already messaged you even if to just say something funny about work. Leave her be. She probably did get the message you sent her. At my place of employment the messages remain even if the profile was deactivated.
Just send a “hey it’s been a while….howve you been?” Type message. Dont be weird just send that and leave the ball in her court. Dont send follow up messages or anything too intense. Worst case nothing happens. Dont overthink it.
Feel free to send her a message that is innocuous. Like, “how are you doing?”. You’ll now if she responds or not. Could other people see your work chat with her? If so, that was unwise as it might have embarrassed her.
Just DM her and be real.
“Hey I think you’re really great. I feel like we had some romantic spark and I’d love to take you on a date some time if you’re interested. No worries if not, I just didn’t want to leave my feelings unspoken.”
There’s nothing wrong with saying your feelings out loud, you just also have to accept it with grace if she says no.
Look at it this way – the sooner you rip the bandaid and talk to her honestly, the sooner you can start dating, or the sooner you can start moving on. Sitting around wondering isn’t going to change the outcome for the better, so get it over with.
If you exchanged numbers just text her? But honestly is she hasn’t texted you at all then thats not a great sign.
She’s not interested. Don’t be a creep.
She’s not interested. She has your private phone number and did not reach out to you. If she read your work message or not has no impact, she knows your number and that you don’t have hers. She did not reach out – Case closed.
What chat system did you have that you think your messages disappeared? When my colleagues have moved on, their chat thread just sits there— it doesn’t disappear.
Honestly she has your number. If she wanted to talk with you, she would. Even if she didn’t see your message, it doesn’t matter— you can’t write a persuasive essay and will someone to be interested. Let it go
follow her on insta and see if she follows back
if she follows back, dm something friendly. Not all dramatic. Now is not the time to be bursting with inappropriate over sharing based on the thoughts in your head.
if she responds, chat normally and see how it goes.
if is goes well and there is a lot of back and forth, see if she wants to do something some time.
It sounds like you went all DOOR IN THE FACE when this situation calls for FOOT IN THE DOOR, especially since you work together and may work together again.