EDIT: I forgot to mention I ACTUALLY live six hours away from my parents right now. Sorry about that.
Hi everyone. I’ve never posted to reddit before, but I feel the need for truly unbiased advice. I am F22 and have hit an awkward point in my life of being unsure what to do. My lease ends in July, and the big decision I have to make is to move far from family (Florida or somewhere warmer year round) or move to them (Delaware).
I have watched adults around me repeatedly regret never leaving and living in new places. It’s given me the itch to go see what’s out there in the world and to live somewhere I never have before. The only issue I face is I want both of those things. I want to be close but I also want to live somewhere new. It’s two sides of a coin where you aren’t fully happy either way.
Pros of being close:
-I’d live close to 3 out of my five siblings
-My parents are in their mid 60s and I’m unsure of what direction their health will go in the next ten years. I’d be around to enjoy that time with them.
-My sister has two children (my only nephews)
-My parents live on the bay with a dock and I’d have access to a boat all summer
-I grew up in Pennsylvania but spent all of my summers in Delaware, I know the area as well as my own hometown
-I would have more help fiscally
-It gives me access to luxuries like my fathers season tickets to ravens games (that I absolutely love going to)
-I truly adore my family and love to be around them. We all have a fantastic bond. I am my father’s little girl through and through and don’t want to break his heart.
Cons:
-Delaware is would be a slow comfortable life.
-It’s boring
-Dealing with the cold 8 months out of the year
-Regret when I get older
-Wasting my youthful years
-I do not have a degree. Delaware heavily lessens job opportunities for me.
There is obviously more pros and cons but that’s all I can think of right now. The only advice I have is from people who of course don’t want me to go. Also, despite my young age, I’m definitely a large factor in how well my family is held together. This is going to sound egotistical, but I am the best liked sibling and the closest to all of them. I keep everyone updated on everything and in the past year I’ve realized that my role in the family is much larger than I thought (despite being the youngest). I have agonized over this and need to make a decision. Just looking for people who have lived their lives to give me the honest truth. Thanks!
Comments
“There is obviously more pros and cons but that’s all I can think of right now”
What does that mean?
So go and have some adventures in a new place. If it doesn’t work out for you, go back home. 22 is a great age to do this kind of thing. In 20 years you probably won’t have this much freedom, what with career, spouse, kids, mortgage. So do it now while you can. You never know, you may love it.
My old people advice is to get a degree. This is going to open a wider array of places to move. If you make enough money, you can travel to scratch your itch. If you decide to move now, remember – you can always go home. Or not. But moving away from DE now is not necessarily forever.
This is not an either / or situation. You are 22 and your parents are still young. Go see the world. Travel outside the USA. Find your passion. Go to school if you want.
Reevaluate in another 3-5 years. Visit when you like. But go find yourself outside the identity of your family.
You have another option. You have more time than you think. I noticed in your bullet points you referred to not having a degree and needing fiscal help. You’re 22. Think on a larger scale. What if you do what’s necessary to be in a position at 28 years old where you’re financially independent, with a remote job that allows you to go wherever you choose to be in the world on any given day? It’s a sacrifice that will go by faster than you think. It will allow you the freedom to roam without having to make a choice that tethers you to one location. Something to consider.
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One thing to add about keeping the family together is that if you live somewhere nice, and have enough space, you can become the place where people holiday. Happened in my family when an aunt moved to the coast. Every year we stayed there with cousins we had rarely seen before Now, 50 years later, we have a really close family and I think a lot of it is because of our shared memories from childhood.
I say make the move. There are ways to stay close to your family and friends .
I relocated from Pennsylvania to Michigan last August . I left all of my family and friends behind . We do text messages or a phone call daily . And a video chat weekly. It helps to be able to see the face of the person you are talking to. It’s almost like seeing them in person .
There is nothing compared to being in a warm climate during the cold winter . It will be a little weird cause your body isn’t going to expect to be warm. It expects to be wearing mittens and scarves . But you will thoroughly enjoy it. I lived in San Diego for 3 years when I was much younger and I loved the winter there . The coldest it got was in the 50’s
This is the chance of a lifetime. You may never get this chance again. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you . Go to the far away place and enjoy summer during the winter months . Everybody should get to experience this during their life
I left my family in California and spent about a dozen years living in France, Poland, Italy, Washington DC and NYC. Great times and many adventures. At around 33, I moved back to California and have been here for decades. My parents were in their early 60s when I left but I visited home 2-3 times/year and they and various sibs visited me every so often. Our close bonds remained. I especially enjoyed having young siblings visit (and showing them cool places; I’m much older than the 2 youngest). When I returned, I still had many good years with my parents. I feel like I got the best of all worlds. Remember, you only go around once so don’t short change yourself. And if you get too homesick, you can always return.
Speaking as a mom of adult children, go follow your dreams. If thst means staying then stay. If you have to go then go. Do not stay and make me the reason.
Yes! Even if you regret it after a year, who cares, you’re so young! Spread your wings, little bird!
Don’t use your family as an excuse to not enjoy your freedom. Move home only if you want to, otherwise you might resent your family. Live! You could always go back when you’re actually needed.