My girlfriend (22f) and I (22m) both recently graduated college. We have been dating for over 3 years. She got a job in June, while I have been completing an internship and a couple classes needed for my degree. In June she was offered a job an hour away from where she lives. She makes around 40k, but is not working in her degree field. I live at home with my parents about 20 minutes from her work. (Her staying with us is not an option). I have just started looking for jobs because my internship is coming to an end. She wants us to move into an apartment together closer to her work. We both have no savings and I have not yet found a job. She also has student loan payments and a car that is not super reliable. Before she got her job we had both agreed on living at home for a year while working to save and then move into a place together. I feel like her finding this job sped up the process a lot. I love her and I do want to move in with her eventually. But I also want to do what I believe is right financially for me and us. I have spoken to my family and friends and they believe I am smart for thinking this way. I decided to come here for more perspective or to see if I am wrong.
Should I move in with my girlfriend?
r/Advice
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Honestly have you asked the hard questions surrounding what chores will look like or bills being split? Have you asked whether she will need space or need a hug after a disagreement? Do you or her have habits like leaving clothes on the floor that the other may find annoying? Sometimes its not just about financial its about emotional as well. Would you guys handle a stressful time being on top of each other in a small enclosed area? What happens if one decides to break up? How will you handle friends coming over? There is a list I can continue with but these were major things to consider before moving in. How will you handle disrespect from guest in your shared home?
These are things I wish I had thought of before moving in and before facing the issues i did wuth my partner.
I don’t recommend moving out until you’ve found a job.
How is she planning on paying for the apartment? Presumably, she’ll have to shell out first and last month’s rent, plus a security deposit.
Does she have a budget? She’ll be making $40K/year, has student loan debt, no savings, and drives a vehicle that’s a time bomb.
None of this sounds well thought out on her part.
Stay at home and save for as long as your parents will let you. I got married when I was in college (decades ago). Yes there was a lot of love and great times together and everything that goes along with it, but we had absolutely no money for a long time. I worked two jobs and went to school full time, and she also worked full-time while she was finishing school. But back then, no one expected to pay entry-level workers anything other than entry-level pay so there was no way to save until years later but by that point kids came along, etc.
My father had a sign on our fridge growing up it said “move out now while you still know everything”.. it was his way of saying “the grass is always greener” I suppose.
Please do not move out ahead of your financial timetable. If you cannot afford an apt on your own, what happens if say, you wind up hating living with her or she you.
You have a plan to save for a year once you get a job. You need the cushion as no one ever knows what is around the corner.
Your gf does not make enough to support you both, what happens if it take four months to find a job, longer? It will lead to hard feelings, arguments, etc.
Let your parents provide that safety for you so that you can make wise financial choices. When you are older you will appreciate that for what it is hopefully.
Kind of sounds like she’s in a rush because she doesn’t like the commute she has now and that’s not a good reason to jump into a financially risky situation.
Not till you are certain.
No savings, one new job at 40k, and one no job. That’s a recipe for a failed relationship if you sign a lease and just one unexpected financial event happens.
Do it, the greatest adventures in life are surrounded by uncertainty and doubt. Have faith in her, and have faith in yourself, there is nothing to be afraid of.
I say wait. You are not working, and everything falling on her will ruin your relationship quickly. You will be much happier and more secure when you find a job and have a little money saved up.
You need to be entirely financially responsible for yourself, before taking the next step.
Easier to knock her up if you live with her. What the heck have TWO kids!!