I (35f) have been actively dating for a while. I’m a single mom and so dating has been hard and I’ve run into some pretty bad situations with some horrible monsters.
Yesterday, I was on a dating app and matched with a really cute guy around my same age. He was a single dad of 2 young kids.
We spent all day texting each other via the app, making each other laugh, etc.
We never exchanged numbers. I never sent him a photo of me that wasn’t on the app or vise versa.
I don’t use my real name on dating apps. But the photos are of me. I’m a plus sized girls. But people have Asked me if the photos are really me or not before.
Towards the end of the day he sent me two pictures of his young kids. The following was the conversation (more or less) :
Me: you probably shouldn’t send pictures of your kids to random people on the internet. But they are cute.
Him: I wouldn’t have sent them to you if I thought you were dangerous.
Me: you don’t know me. I could be literally anyone. I’ve run into some serious creeps on these apps. You gotta be careful out here.
And then be blocked me.
Was I wrong for saying that? Should I not have warned him?
Comments
Shelaboration strikes again.
You did the right thing warning him but he probably didn’t like being told what to do. Idk. Good riddance.
Me: you don’t know me. I could be literally anyone. I’ve run into some serious creeps on these apps. You gotta be careful out here.
It seems he thought you were telling on yourself, so he blocked you.
My first thought is that you hit a nerve and he thought you were calling him out. You may have dodged a bullet
If i was single and the person i was talking to tried to shame me for sharing a pic of my kid. Then that person tells them me that they might be catfishing me. This chain of events would lead to me blocking them also.
Yea, you’re wrong to presume he’s endangering his children by sharing a picture of them with you. WTF?
He was trying to hook you in with his kids. This dude is looking for a mommy. He expected you to start fawning, not check him. Bullet dodged.
You were right to warn him 1st about the dangers of posting his children’s photos anywhere on the internet regardless of which apps is for.
Particularly of child porn predators would download the original image then proceed to photoshopping & altering features to suit an agenda.
I agree with you OP.
We haven’t even met and person and you want to lecture me…..I’ll would pass also.
I have a Facebook that has photos of my kids. I’d bet so do billions of other people……if a woman was like hey you shouldn’t have sent me these photos of your kids, I’d be weirded out too.
It’s very telling that he so carelessly shows pictures of his children to a literal stranger online. I wouldn’t want to date him because that’s just too weird.
He probably had flashbacks to his first marriage and his ex telling him what he should and shouldn’t do.
Hes a grown up. He’s probably looking for a partner, not a mother.
You should lose weight. There are all kinds of health risks associated with being overweight.
See how shitty that feels?
I would have blocked you too.
Maybe it felt.too judges for his liking? He was, after all, trying to make a connection with you. I see your point but I can also how it turned him off. As a single parent myself, I can often get tired of unsolicited advice. I know you meant well. In the future, you might tell people you’re chatting with on these apps that you don’t want to exchange any pics of each other kids since this is something you take so seriously. Good luck! It’s so hard to meet people these days.
If he is that “unpredictable” would you really be wanting that,a few years of ‘eggshell’ treading?
You weren’t wrong. That’s weird.
Yea, lecturing a guy you don’t know isn’t how you build rapport.
If anything, this comes across as him expecting you to constantly talk down to him.
You were right to warn him, and there’s no loss on him blocking you. He’s careless with his kids and looking for a new caretaker. You’re dodging a bullet.
I don’t think you did anything wrong, especially since it sounds like you are speaking from bad experiences. However I think the whole "I could be anyone" thing is super creepy regardless of context. Not sure if he disagrees with not sharing photos of his kids or if he thought you were genuinely creepy. Either way, you knew he existed for 8 hours and you told him what he is doing is dangerous, you don’t know each other and can both move along. I do hope he listened and considers holding off on sending photos to unknown internet people
I think he doesn’t understand the reality of the internet.
Any of the guys here saying you’re lecturing this guy, OP, have no idea how to take accountability nor are they responsible parents. Or it could be that they’re pedophiles themselves and want careless irresponsible parents to give pictures of their children to strangers to further their own agenda.
You’re overthinking this whole situation. He was wrong to give a stranger pictures of his kids. You were not wrong to warn him. He was overreacting when blocking you. He either assumed you were the creep or he cannot take accountability for his fucks up and would rather blame/leave the situation. We can hope he doesn’t try this shit again, but in my experience he wants a bang maid and that’s why he showed you his kids so fast. Most Superdad’s I know take a while to show pictures of their kids but will nonstop talk about them.
I don’t think you should tell others on dating apps how to act. If he wants to be foolish, that’s his choice.
He blocked you because he didn’t like being told what to do or he thought you were telling on yourself.
But I don’t think it’s a big loss. If hes using his children as a way to hook women into seeing him, that raises flags.
Not necessarily wrong but sometimes brains can read “you don’t know me. I could be anyone.” As “oh this person must not be who i am thinking they are.”
He may have felt the parenting styles weren’t going to be a match and that’s a difficult thing to work through, even when you are parenting your own kids and not theirs.
I don’t think you were in the wrong. I also don’t think he was for blocking you. After all you said “I could be anyone”
You are not wrong. I think he over reacted
Well, I’m gonna be honest, I feel like you didn’t know that guy well enough to be giving him advice? You weren’t malicious or anything but that would turn me off too. Gives off a bit of a buzzkill vibe.
Are you wrong? No.
Are you two compatible? Also no.
It’s never wrong to be safe. There is the possibility that this guy felt like you caught him and called him out. He probably realized that you wouldn’t be an easy mark to reel in. If that is the case, the next step would be to block you and move on to the next potential mark. Good on you.
Regardless of what you said I’d be wary of a guy sending pictures of his kids the day he met me. What was it even for? He shouldn’t be so quick to do that and how soon would he introduce you in real life? It’s a little weird.
Clearly you had good intentions in writing that message, but it is a little creepy nonetheless how you worded it. Ultimately that guy is a grown adult, so it’s not really your place/responsibility to be telling him how to raise his children, especially on the fist day of meeting him, even if it’s coming from a good place.
You just killed the whole vibe. Some statements make it hard to move forward with the conversation, especially with someone you’ve only known for hours.
I think you probably just scared him. You weren’t wrong for saying it.
he probably felt like someone he had just met, gave him unsolicited advice about his children and could only imagine how worse that would get if you were together. blocking you may have been extreme, but it is a turn off.
It shouldn’t be hard at the beginning. If you aren’t on the same page when everything is new and all the crazy new relationship brain chemicals are active, it’s going to be really bad later.
If you find yourself criticizing someone within the first few months, much less before a first date, or being criticized by the other person, just move on.
And yes, giving unasked for advice to someone about how they should do things differently is criticism.
You basically told him he was a bad dad. Or at least a careless one. Why would he want to date you? If someone criticized your parenting before even meeting you, you would bow out also.
I don’t think you were wrong to tell him, nor was he wrong for blocking you. A lot of people saying “oh he can’t handle criticism”, hmmm perhaps but that’s also a reach. More than likely the emphasis on not sharing his children’s picture with someone he’s getting to know was probably off putting. The lack of communication is a red flag, but so is the emphasis on you possibly being a creep. But I’d say don’t change a thing and keep doing you.
In general, unsolicited advice will usually be seen as rude and come off as unwelcomed criticism. Doesn’t matter if it’s out of good will or whatever, don’t assume people are stupid or unaware. It’s a fast way to get someone to dislike you or at least lose rapport points when you’re still not that close with someone.
He’s probably one of the creeps on there. "Oh, shit! She knows."
I think he was hoping you’d send photos of your kid(s). As you said, people aren’t always who they seem to be.
My panicking thought is he was testing you in the worst way. Either he sends pics in hopes of getting some back, or to see if you’re “like him.” I really really REALLY hope I’m just overreacting. Stay safe mama.
He may have been nagged at a lot by the ex and thought that a first day "talking to" about being a safe dad was too much. You aren’t wrong by any means, but he wasn’t into it.
Maybe his pics are fake and he is the creep you were warning him about.
No wrong. But good call, you should have been the one to block.
You are watching out for every kid. He should be thanking you.
It’s the tone for sure. To me, it comes across as chastisement rather than genuine concern. I think if you approached it more gently, it might have produced different results. Maybe something like:
"Oh wow, I’m kinda surprised you sent me pics of them so soon, tbh, as I’m still a stranger, but they’re adorable!"
He’d have said the same about not thinking of you as dangerous. And you coulda followed it up with:
"Well I’m flattered and appreciate that! Though I’m most definitely not dangerous, I always try to look out for folks and their kids when I can. I of course mean no offense."
Mind you, these are just examples. To me, this approach woulda better conveyed not only caring for his children’s ‘ wellbeing, but also a less "aggressive" (for lack of a better word) critique of his parenting.
NTA. I was thinking the exact same thing as you while reading it.
Hopefully dude got scared. REAL scared with an "Oh Shit, what did I do" topping.
Not wrong. He could have been a freak trying to get pics of your kids for like purposes.
Not at all. Your kids are first. ALWAYS.
He prob thought he messed up with you and got embarrassed bc you "corrected" him so early on
He was probly disappointed you were thinking negatively about his judgement after he put his trust in you.
He won’t listen but you are a great lesson for him. If he is that sensitive you consider yourself lucky!
Man here. Absolutely true. The internet is a dangerous place.
Pictures of your kids can end up putting them at risk
Your advice was solid, and for the right reasons. He blocking you was doing YOU a favor.
NW. He’s just weak.
If I had kids, I’d be upset if my ex was showing off pics of our children to unvetted people. I see it as a red flag that he lacks such discretion, so no loss on your part that he moved on. I feel bad for the children he’s not careful to protect. You were right in being uncomfortable with how quickly he showed them to you.
He’s the creep you were talking about 😳. You dodged a bullet Hun
Good luck with the next one 🥰
You aren’t wrong. He has poor judgement and apparently thin skin; he did you a favor by blocking you.
YNW
This is cyber security 101.
We also don’t know if he was a creep using the kids as bait
You didn’t do anything wrong. You probably prevented him from being an idiot later on.
In my opinion, the kids of single parents should not meet their parent’s ‘dates’, or the kids of those dates, until the relationship has progressed to a serious state, which might be 3 months in or even longer. Kids should not have to worry about their life being turned upside down, if the relationship is fleeting.
The guy shouldn’t have shared a picture of his kids at this early stage. Maybe it would be okay to share one with their faces blocked, so the potential date sees their sizes and that the kids are ‘real’. But not an identifiable picture. Kids’ pictures shouldn’t be shared with strangers.
If I were speaking with a man and, for any reason, he told me to be careful and that I don’t know who I am talking to and they might be a creep – I’d be done. It comes off as weird and potentially creepy.
I guess its the same for a man speaking with a woman.
I think him blocking you was a good thing FOR YOU
No not wrong. He maybe got embarrassed.
Agree with those who say you two aren’t compatible.
I get what you were saying, and you’re not wrong. But, maybe hold off on "scolding" him till you know him better. But what the other person said may be true. Maybe you two aren’t a match if he were bothered by your correction.
You aren’t wrong. I don’t have kids but am close to my niblings and I would never send a pic that includes them that quick. You hope people are trustworthy but they aren’t always.
You were not wrong
That guy is messed up
He could have been catfishing you & split bc you’re a bit too alert. It is odd to send a stranger pics of yr kids.
Eh, I dont think you’re wrong per say. But if we’re being honest, I could see why he’d see this as a creepy response.
"You probably shouldn’t send pictures of your kids to random people on the internet.
You don’t know me. I could be literally anyone. I’ve run into some serious creeps on these apps. You gotta be careful out here."
I mean, you are painting yourself as a bit of a potential creep/catfish here. It definitely comes off that way.
Telling a dude how to parent right off-gate isn’t a good look.
You’re not wrong in what you said, but people often get really defensive when you tell them what they should and shouldn’t do.
No biggie.
Girl you and I are of the same mind never out pics of your family especially the young ones for these asshole traffickers it’s like an advertisement” these beautiful children are here waiting for you to come and nap them away because as you can clearly see I’m a parent who’s dumb enough to do this maybe I’m dumb enough to for you to snake them right out from under my nose” for there to be some woke culture I keep hearing about seems like society has been lulled back to sleep. You aren’t wrong and usually I’d say don’t worry you’ll find another one but another what? I mean I’m doing these apps after 27yrs with the same woman and I’m becoming aware that the women are just as frighteningly absent whether it’s emotional,mental or spiritual to the point that I’m thinking robots might be the answer. lol
He isn’t being safe with his children. He won’t be safe with yours.
You are safer staying away
Maybe he already has an ex that criticizes every move he makes. Don’t need two.
He wasn’t being safe about his kids but he probably blocked you because yall had a sort of argument before yall even met and he couldnt handle being wrong, or he might have thought you were hinting that you were in fact, not who you said you were. What’s done is done, I wouldn’t put too much thought into it. He wasn’t the one and that’s that! Keep fishin!
Giving advice on how to parent to someone tou just met is rude. Probably why he blocked you. Also it’s just an odd thing to say in general, if he wants to share pictures of his kids it’s his decision
Dodged a huge bullet. His toxic decision making skills are red flag city.
I’m also a parent, and I’m occasionally taken aback when someone I’m not well acquainted with steps in with some kind of warning about what the world is like and how to protect my kids, as if I haven’t been at this a while.
I’m not saying that’s what happened, but, given how long social media and dating apps have been around, he’s probably got his own set of standards regarding the photos he shares of his kids.
If he had told you that you were making unsafe choices because you send your kid(s) to church/school/daycare, his warning would be statistically more reliable than yours, but, more pertinent to your post, it would be a good sign that you aren’t a match.
You’re not wrong. This guy needs to learn the term catfishing.