so i’m talking with a guy.. i’m fresh out of a long term relationship, so im taking it VERY slow. he’s a friend of a friend, and everyone wants us to just try out casually seeing each other.
i’m giving him a chance, and he’s really nice!
but… i big reason why my last relationship ended was because my partner was doing shady shit behind my back (onlyfans) and i am just choosing not to date men who watch porn.
nothing against sex work. i just am choosing not to date someone who watches porn. at least like excessively to where its borderline an addiction (my past relationships).
is it weird for me to just ask “do you watch porn?” and just have a conversation about it? lol
help 🤪 i’m also just awkward with dating in general because of being in a long term relationship.. but having fun!
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You can ask whatever you want of course, but realistically a lot of people will find that direct of a question off-putting. Plus, if you make it clear that you are anti-porn, an unscrupulous person can simply lie about it.
Good luck finding a man who doesn’t watch.
Yah I’d ask. I wouldn’t tell him your stance first or 99.9% he will lie about it. I also wouldn’t want to be with a guy who watches porn
Almost every guy has watched it at least a little, you might be narrowing your dating pool down to almost nothing.
Setting boundaries with porn once you’ve established a relationship is normal, but asking if he ever watches it this early on, and taking that as a dealbreaker, is setting you up to only be able to date liars.
You can ask “What kind of porn do you like?” and see what he says. Some will still lie, though, so you can be on the lookout for other signs.
Also, you don’t have to date someone because “everyone” wants you too. Even if he is “nice” (and unless they were in a relationship and breakup with him, their perspective on him is limited).
We all watch porn. We feel terrible afterwards, and we still love you very much.
Sincerely, a man.
You should absolutely ask the question directly. Be honest about that being a deal breaker for you. Let him know you think he’s nice, you enjoy your time with him, and want to know him more but that you don’t want to waste his time if you two aren’t on the same page. Don’t waste time falling for him more only to be shocked that he possibly watches it. Mention that it might be a weird question but that you have to ask. If he takes offense he needs to grow up.
Instead of being categorically against dating men who watch porn, you should process this trauma from your ex relationship. Basically everyone watches porn at one point and there is nothing wrong about it. Not everyone who watches it behaves like your ex and you should work on accepting this, instead of refusing to date every man who watches porn. You might miss out on really nice guys who, yeah, sometimes watch porn.
someone asked if i did but only cause she watched it too and wanted to know so both watch it with no problems, but not stuff like of paying for it and stuff
Just fvking ask. That’s what I do and I don’t mind it if they do it occassionally. I just don’t want to deal with addictions. I do ask how often and when they say every day, I’m gone.
You are allowed to date whomever you want. I would not ask just say directly, “I know this is awkward to bring up, I just wanted you to know early on I don’t date people who watch pornography.”
I’m going to add here – a man was doing shady things behind your back, was consuming pornography in a weird way – and so you’re banning pornography. It doesn’t seem like pornography is the problem here, it’s the correlation. The problem here is someone doing shady shit behind your back.
If you date someone who doesn’t watch porn, you’re not necessarily avoiding someone who does shady things. I would ask yourself, “Is someone who consumes arousing content for sexual gratification the problem – or are there other tertiary things around that are negative?”
Don’t ask if they do, because 99% chance they do. But ask what kind, how often. Even lie and say you do and what you like to get them to open up
If it’s a deal breaker, it needs to be addressed early and very clearly.
Ask it in an open ended way, without telling him your opinion first. “What’s your take on porn in a relationship?” It’s no guarantee, but it’s somewhat more likely to get an honest answer.
Ultimately, you’re just going to have to be prepared to leave if they initially say they don’t watch it but turn out to be lying. Some people simply don’t show their true colors until you’re invested in the relationship.
My personal preference is no porn. But I knew it would be hard to find someone who didn’t. So I decided on the policy of “If you use porn, I don’t want to know. If you’re blatant about it, or if it affects our relationship in any way, we’re done.” I can deal with casual and occasional use. If a partner quit engaging with me intimately, or started trying to incorporate porno garbage into our sex life, or started wanting me to change myself to look more like porn actors, that would be an immediate end to the relationship.
I happen to have found a man who doesn’t like porn for personal and ethical reasons so it’s a moot point. But if he started using that same policy would apply.