I (23f) just found out someone I used to be close friends (24f) with recently lost her father. We were once extremely close, however we havnt spoken in years (3) and honestly she wasn’t a very good friend to me back then. The friendship ended due to her actions towards me, ultimately it became clear the relationship was no longer healthy and the issue would not be resolved on her end, instead of a meaningful conversation I was ghosted. Since then we are not connected in any meaningful way anymore, infact I have not seen her once since our friendship ended.
ButThat said, morally would it be kind and appropriate to reach out? Just a short message expressing my condolence. I don’t have any interest to reopen anything or reconnect, would that be the right thing to do? Or would it be better to stay silent and keep the chapter closed? I’m very conflicted on what to do!
TL;DR:
An old friend who ended on bad terms just lost her dad. We haven’t spoken in years. Should I send her a brief condolence message or just stay silent?
Comments
No. What in the world are you looking to gain?
I might mention it if you run into her in person, but I wouldn’t try to make contact over this.
No, Ive been here before. It isn’t necessary. But if you are single and things ended decent with you both, i guess you can. But again, not necessary.
I would keep it short and simple. Maybe more than “sorry for your loss” but less than 5 sentences.
Just because you don’t know if she thinks negatively towards you and you don’t want to add to her stress. But a simple message goes a long way sometimes. It warms you a bit to know that others care, even people from your past.
Nope. The door is closed. Unless you have intention for it to be open again keep it closed.
I would focus on your relationship with the deceased. Did you know her father? Were you close to the family? If so, a short message such as, “I was saddened to hear of the passing of your father. I remember him as a (funny/interesting/some memory shared). Grieve well and I will pray/hope/send healing vibes for your strength during this difficult time”. If not, then I would leave it alone. This is about you and the deceased; not the relationship you once knew.
No just move on if your close to her mom at one point say something to her but I wouldn’t the ex friend
First. How recent are we talking, here? Week? Month? Multiple months?
Don’t reach out if it’s more than a month. Just makes things awkward and performative.
Second. If it’s within a month, is there a postal address you can use? If so, send a card. Just sign it with your name, no return address.
If not, don’t sms, text or otherwise send anything digital. Digital leaves you open to replies. Leading to awkwardness.
maybe i would send a card, that way there wouldn’t really be any conversation, just a short message.
Send her a card. It’s not open ended like a text or an email. Just send your condolences and leave it at that.