I, 25F don’t think I’m in love with 27M partner anymore. We have been together almost 10 years. Long story short, we are just not compatible. He’s quiet, I’m outgoing. I like to go out, have drinks, meet new people. He’d rather be on the couch. I need sparks, he enjoys comfort. I never felt like I truly “fell in love with him” in the first place. We never had that honeymoon phase, or at least I didn’t. We have lived together for the last 4 years. Even before we moved in, there were conversations about how unhappy I was. Since then, so much resentment from my side has built. I feel like he does nothing, truly nothing, and I have lost all sex drive for him because of this. The thought of sex truly disgusts me. I feel used, and feel like he only shows me intimacy when he wants the end goal. He is taken care of in many other ways though, because I have so much guilt about it. I feel like his mother, and it does not make me want to do any of those things. At times he has a temper, and can be pretty mean. A lot of times I’m not even sure he likes me anymore. But, we have good times too, and we are great roommates lol. I feel that he is the type to settle, and even though I know I’m great and give him everything, in a lot of ways he is settling in terms of compatibility with me too. But he doesn’t see that. In many attempts to talk about things, he has always told me that for him, love is enough. As long as he loves someone he would stay. Of course I love him deeply, but to me I need more than just love. I think comfort and length of relationship is keeping us together, and he will never see that this will never work. He is great on paper, a truly great guy. Any talks of breaking up has always gone terribly, and I’m scared of how he will react if we breakup. In the past it has been empty promises that we can improve things, and basically strung me along to stay. Also gaslighting. I feel like when I’m alone I can convince myself to leave and as soon as I see him I just can’t. When I think about us getting married I feel sick. And the worst part is, is if it weren’t for me, he would have been married with children years ago because that is what he has always wanted. Just looking for some advice. I can’t imagine life without him, but I can’t imagine forever with him.
TLDR; long term relationship, good guy, bad boyfriend. I’m the only one seeing that it’s never going to work.
Comments
The advice is quite obviously to end a bad relationship with someone you don’t love. Being alone is 10000 times better than being with someone who makes you unhappy and is keeping you from finding the person you are supposed to be with. If you’re scared of his reaction when you break up with him, do it in a public place and have someone with you when you move out.