For some background, my first cousin and I haven’t really spoken in a close way for about seven years. I’ve reached out to her multiple times, asking if I’ve done something wrong or if there’s a reason she’s upset with me, but she’s always refused to tell me. Despite this, I continued trying to be kind and communicate because I genuinely didn’t think I had done anything wrong. If I had, though, I’m the type of person who would own up to it, apologize, and move on.
A couple of months ago, I asked her again, and this time, her reason for not liking me was that our grandparents supposedly told her I didn’t like her. Honestly, I don’t believe my grandparents would ever say something like that because I’ve never expressed that to them, but that’s what she said was the cause of her distance.
After hearing this, I gave her some space for a few months, and then I reached out again, sending her a really thoughtful message. But this time, she didn’t respond at all—completely ignored me. Also an extra piece of info: she doesn’t talk to my mom either even though my mom is the sweetest person on Earth(according to our entire family and me). She always sends my cousin expensive bday gifts and has even tried to help her get a job but she treats my mom like shit. I honestly don’t think I want to invite her she’s extremely rude and I have not done anything to her. I just know if I don’t invite her it may cause tension for my mom and her brother and the family.
Should I invite her or no and ice her out?
Comments
Nope. Don’t invite I have a cousin like this and honestly if you were to invite her she would be holding a grudge and making the whole vibe off for the WHOLE Wedding YOU paid for
At this point, the ball is in your cousin’s court in terms of renewing contact. If your grandparents are still alive, you should ask them to confirm what your cousin said (if you haven’t already done so.) Regardless if they did, you shouldn’t have to waste an invitation on someone who ignores you and treats your mom poorly. If I were you, I wouldn’t bother reaching out to this cousin again. Have a wonderful wedding and marriage.
Pretty easy decision, your cousin can f’ off.
Why would you invite her since she has completely ignored you over the years. If she gets offended, she needs to understand you have tossed multiple olive branches which she rebuffed. Your wedding day is to celebrate your union with your husband, not to worry about family dynamics or stroking egos.
No, I wouldn’t. How comfortable would the atmosphere be with her there? Not at all. She may decide to be nasty to you or your mother. Let her go.
Your wedding, your rules. Don’t invite negativity on your special day!
She’s shown you how she feels about you and your mother. She doesn’t deserve to celebrate you.
Don’t invite her, and stop reaching out.
It sounds like you don’t have a relationship with her at all. Why invite her? She doesnt care about you.
Don’t invite her for two reasons. 1) you’ve reached out to her to resolve the issues and she declined, whether or not legitimate. 2) If you do invite her everything points to her making a scene. Now if you don’t invite her she’s going to try to use that to her advantage but it’s your wedding and her problem.
The one person you’d want support from is your mother which doesn’t seem to be an issue but I wouldn’t worry about that rest of the family. This is your wedding so everyone else should butt out.
Nope. Didn’t even read what you wrote.
If you have to ask, don’t do it
I did not read your post. I read that you said should I invite her
And already know that the answer is a big fat
NOPE
Nopety, nope, nope nope.
Whatever the situation, if she’s there you will be unhappy, so nope
Why bend over backwards when it’s not appreciated? Just don’t invite her, no big deal.
It’s your wedding. Only invite those you and your fiancée want there. Remember, even family members are only guests at your event. your event.
Take the high road and invite. She fails to respond you can hold your head high that you tried.
Do NOT invite her. And also tell your mom to STOP with the gifts that are not appreciated because cousin is not even talking to her, even to thank her profusely. Mom will save money, you will have a toxic free wedding and your cousin will be free to treat other relatives like dirt.
You are putting way too much thought into this. She’s already dropped you…..just let it go. And tell your mom to stop sending her expensive gifts.
I wouldn’t invite her to your wedding. If she reaches out before or after to question why she wasn’t included, you can explain that based on your recent history, there was nothing that made you feel her presence would be supportive or appropriate. Her decision to lie about the grandparents and her consistent lack of communication speak volumes as those actions are a language in themselves, and you’re simply choosing to listen. There is nothing wrong with calling her out on any of this. If she comes back defensive, just listen and let her spin herself into her own ditch. Just consistently keep pointing out that she lied, she behaved immaturely, and she hasn’t responded to you. Those are clear signs that someone is not interested in being there. You have friends that care more about your wedding than her!
Are you super co dependent? Because that’s what all your behavior is exhibiting.
No. Please do not.
Dont waste ur breath on ur cousin!!! Leave it alone!!! Dont even bother trying contact
Be the bigger person. Invite them.
Don’t invite. Don’t reach out. Don’t let your mother reach out or send gifts. She needs to work on her self and she’s equating kindness as weakness. Totally cut her off. If she interested she needs to come to you.
Dont invite her. If she asks why then tell her AFTER you tell the people close to her like her mom and brother and whomever else is close to her your inviting. Send a screencap of all the times you tried to reach out while your on the phone explaining you tried to be closer to her but it seems she doesnt want that and only close family and friends are invited. Then you tell her the exact same reason. Frankly i think she wont even care.
Don’t invite her unless you want her to ruin your wedding and make it the thing the whole family gossips about for the rest of their lives. You made every reasonable effort and more to patch things up when you never did anything wrong in the first place. Maybe she’s just one of those miserable people with an axe to grind about who knows what. Or she has some undiagnosed antisocial personality disorder. Either way, it’s not your problem. Sharing DNA with someone obligates you to exactly nothing. Especially not on your wedding day.
Don’t invite her, and if someone asks, tell them she wasn’t responding to any of the messages you had left her, and you didn’t think someone that wouldn’t take the time to reply to a message would be interested in coming to your wedding.
Confront your grandparents and go from there.
I have a first cousin like that who won’t have anything to do with me, and I have never crossed her in any way. I advise you to forget about her, and don’t invite her to your wedding.