I met Ryan 2 months ago through a dating app. He is 45 years old and has 3 kids. In his profile he stated that he is unsure about having kids. A month ago he told me that he would consider it but would first have to have a serious discussion about it. I am about to turn 38 and have no children. Ryan and I are still legally married to each of our previous partners but are no longer living with them. Ryan has lived on his own for 5 years and I have lived by myself for 6 months. At first I was not interested in him but I hanged out with him and he seemed very interested. Every time we see each other we have so much fun and we have so much to talk about. But I feel like we have seen each other, we even spent 2 whole weekends together. I feel like he is not that interested anymore. And last Thursday he told me that he doesn’t want to have kids, not right in this moment of his life. But he is already 45! (I took it personal and I feel like this is because of me). He is a great man and a great father and these things have made me really like him. No I do not know if I should just put a stop to this relationship. I don’t see him wanting to move a little faster or getting more serious because he is in no rush to have kids or be in a relationship. But I am, I do want to be a mother and my ovarian reserve is low for my age. I feel like a failure. Should I keep looking and date other people? Should I be honest with Ryan? I know he will tell me that we are just in different moments of our lives. Also, yesterday he told me that the women that he has loved were women with good jobs and smart and he was the one who had to pursue them. These women were even ashamed of being seen with him and some point in those relationships. I am not someone who has an impressive career or job and he knows I like him a lot, he doesn’t have to fight for me. What do you think I should do?
Should I stop dating him?
r/Advice
Comments
Communicate openly with him about your wants and needs. It’s important for both parties in a relationship to be on the same page about major life decisions like having more kids.
If you want kids and he doesn’t, you’re wasting time you don’t have trying to convince yourself this might work. Be honest with him, but start dating other people now before you invest more in a dead-end.
Hi I am a Psychologist I am completing my phd and I am offering free counseling to certain people about certain topics..May I ask you a few questions? How did you meet Ryan? You say he doesnt live with his partner, have you been to his house? Are you both divorced or still married (legally I mean ) …I would like to offer some free advice if you would be interested.
I know I’m increasingly the minority view on this, but this is the consequence of people just coming to believe that the only reason for people of differing genders to interact with each other is if they’re going to get married and have babies and live forever together.
You’re describing someone that you like, who likes you, who doesn’t seem interested in being in a relationship with you, at least not right now, and you don’t want to be in a relationship with him, at least not right now. So what’s to figure out? Seems like you agree.
If you can’t see yourself just being friends with a guy that seems great and you enjoy being with, cut him loose. Same goes for him – if he’s losing interest and breaking up with him means he would no longer talk to you, is that what you really want in a romantic relationship?
You just got divorced, and you clearly have some work to do on yourself before you’re ready for a relationship. Just tell him that. He’ll probably appreciate not having so much pressure on him to commit to spending the rest of his life and having a bunch of babies with someone he just met.