So my girlfriend 29f and her best friend 29f live 1000 miles apart, but talk on the phone nearly every day. Very often my gf will talk with her on speaker as she does stuff around the house. Last week the friend confessed that she cheated on her boyfriend of 6 months after they had an argument. (I have no contact with this guy and don’t know him at all). No other way to say it but BFF is a reformed hoe. She slept around a lot prior to this guy but seemed to have settled down and has been committed to this guy… until now.
I have his number from one time BFF asked my GF to call him and she used my phone to do it.
I’ve been cheated on before, and it seemed like everyone knew but me… people all around my ex-gf helped her hide and provided alibis. Now I listen to BFF bemoan “what should I do?” And while she is really remorseful, BFF has decided that she is going to just shut her mouth and move on from her “one night stand”. Mind you she is constantly paranoid about what her dude is doing, where he is going, who he is with. Always convinced he is cheating when the guy is really just at work. Just because she used to mess around with a guy who would have sex with her on his lunch break, doesn’t mean that every man is cheating when he’s at work.
The kicker? His brother saw her leaving the apartment complex the next morning at 5am as he was on his way to work. BFF drives a very distinct car. His brother knows and is trying to tell the him that she cheated but he is blind to it and keeps accepting her gas lighting and her cover story that she was grabbing McDonald’s and used the apartment complex to turn around and head the other way.
So Reddit… should I send this man a text, probably anonymously from a text app, and let him know he’s being gas lit, that he got cheated on and let him live his life fully informed? Or should I stay in my lane because maybe this is just a one time thing, and it’s none of my business… not to mention that if they argue and he shows my text to her, I’m cooked because my gf is the only person she has told.
Edit for clarity: my gf has not been complicit in the coverup, she has just been the shoulder to cry on, and has been consistently telling this girl to put on her big girl pants and come clean with her guy.
Second edit for clarity. My GF and I live together. BFF lives 1000 miles away in their hometown. BFF and boyfriend live 5 minutes from each other in hometown city.
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ngl if you were cheated on and wished someone told you, you already have your answer. dude deserves to know. yeah it might blow back on you but protecting someone’s peace keeping secrets for cheaters. send the message, let him decide what to do with it.
Nope .., don’t say a word cuz he probably knows yet don’t want to believe it . You will make things worst
That’s a tough spot but honestly, if you were in his shoes you’d want to know. The brother already saw her cheating and she’s still lying about it. Maybe give him a heads up anonymously so he can make his own decisions
You already did didn’t you?
Yes, I think you should tell. It’s the right thing to do. I don’t approve cheating under any circumstance, but cheating after a fight?! That’s kind of extra dirty and very petty. Not sure where the “reform” in the “hoe” is here if she is pulling this kind of shit off.
Yes. Hands down
You should definitely say something, just as you would want to know if it was happening to you. And honestly? I really don’t think this will be a one-off thing, especially if she successfully gets away with it once.
I would want to know. Tell him. Also, your girlfriend is suspicious for covering for her. Who knows what they are hiding for each other? Even if your girlfriend doesn’t seem like the type, people will horribly surprise you. My ex was cheating on me when he bought my engagement ring.
You need to tell him. It’s the right thing to do. Maybe even tell him about her past. As a guy i would want to know to make an informed decision.
Always choose honesty. Imagine being in his shoes.
That’s my kind of brother!
Like you mention, everyone but you knew. Yes, he deserves to know about the hoe he is trusting.
You’ve been in this man’s shoes so you know exactly what he’s facing. If your relationship w/your girl is strong, you should let her know that you heard what you heard and you cannot sit on the information. Don’t be anonymous. Stand up for him the way you wish someone would’ve done for you. If he still doubles down on believing her, that’s on him. For the record, she ain’t a reformed hoe, she a hoe on pause. She’ll do this again. It will blow up in her face. With or w/out your help.
I feel like if you get involved without your girlfriend being in on it you are blowing up your own life. I would be upset with a SO making that decision without me. If you are okay with that possibility then go for it. Otherwise, not my circus not my monkey man.
Worry more about you being long distance and this is the type of person your gf is friends with…..likely similar hoe background & ok with cheating….your edit doesn’t cover it lol, she’s telling you what you want to hear. You have no relationship with bff or her bff, you barely have one with your gf. Focus on your own “relationship”.
Sloots gonna sloot.
Tell him because she is typical and gamey, the guy is wasting his time with her.
Do what feels right in your heart. Your first instinct is usually the right one… but make sure to wash through the other ones too. I would absolutely dime her out. The anonymous angle is cleaner of course… you still have the lasting impression delivered to your lady that “cheaters never win, even if they think they set the game in their favour”
Let him know. It’s long distance and only six months, l let him find someone closer that actually knows what commitment is. Just know it could come between you gf and her bff since they live together. She might put two and two together and figure out it was you who told. Be prepared for any backlash on that.
You have two options here:
Those are really your two best options.
IMO, I’d stay out of it. Mainly because it will definitely damage your own relationship. If you decide to tell, make sure you inform your wife first. Shoot the messenger? It’s definitely a thing.
Do it. It’s not like their relationship is realistically going to survive much longer than this. Save them both some pain and rip the bandaid off for them. This guy deserves to be with someone who respects and cares about them.
Hell yes you tell him! He deserves to know. But you need solid evidence that you can share before you tell him.
No, stay out of it.
Tell him obviously. That’s the only ethical response.
You should tell him obviously. But if you’re worried about the blowback just mention that as well – mention that given you have had the decency to tell him, he doesn’t drop you in it. He doesn’t even have to end it over “proof of cheating” he can just say he doesn’t trust her anymore. That way she’s not trying to figure out who told him etc. etc.