Background info: My bf is like pretty conservative? i think? and he’s in my class and ALL the boys in my class are super homophobic. Pretty much everyone in my school is homophobic because i go to a religious private school. There has once been a rumor at my school that I’m bi and people freaked out so i had to lie with all my life that i wasn’t. Recently something came up and my bf asked me if i was bi and i asked “what if I am?” and he said “I’d still love you” but i didnt feel brave enough to come out so i said “Ofcourse I’m not”. But now i think i should be honest and just tell him??? Should I? And how so?
UPDATE!!: I told him. He said he doesn’t care, he still loves me and it doesnt change the way he sees me. He says i don’t have to be ashamed or scared to tell him anything and that he understands me 😀
Comments
Don’t be with someone that you can’t be yourself around.
If you trust him you can, you don’t have to but it could be nice.
Being with someone who is a raging homophobe, as a bisexual woman is…a choice for sure.
trll him and allow him to break up with you on your behalf (joke). it will put you in danger. don’t date a man who doesn’t want the best for you in ebery aspect of your life
If he’s homophobic you shouldn’t be with him even if you were as straight as a ruler, and if he’s not homophobic he won’t have a problem with your sexual preferences and the honesty will bring you closer. So tell him for sure and if he freaks out move on from a bigot you shouldn’t want anything to do with and if he doesn’t then your relationship grows stronger. Win-win
Find someone who you don’t have to walk on eggshells around.
Do you plan on cheating on your boyfriend with a woman?
If you feel safe, just be honest: “I’m bi, and I hope this doesn’t change how you feel about me.”
Be honest but also know it makes little difference if you’re monogamous.
Just show him
How old are you both, and how long have you been dating?
No. Don’t tell him. If he gets mad at you and tells everyone you could be ostracized at school, possibly kicked out by your parents. I don’t know your situation, but I’d be very careful because there could be consequences and you need to stay safe first.
Unless you are wanting threesomes, telling him only needlessly complicates things. If you aren’t planning on acting on your female attractions – why would you say anything? You don’t want to lie? Then respond that it is immaterial- even if you were – you are with him and wouldn’t cheat.
It might not be the same, but i make jokes all the time about being gay. It depends if there was hate behind it or actually homopphobic?
Since you’re school age, maturity is hard to come by… but i would suggest trying to engage in a sit-down environment and have a hard conversation about this. He’ll more than likely be open to it imo.
A question I would ask is if you want to break up to be with women, but that’s probably my insecurities speaking
If you don’t want to come out to people you don’t have to. It’s fine to have your own secrets
If you decide he’s one you’re gonna marry it’s probably good to tell him, but .. you’re in high school.
I am guessing you are quite young. Gently, are you sure you want to be with someone who doesn’t accept all aspects of your identity? Are you sure you want to be with someone who is prejudiced?
Being bi might not be relevant to your relationship. Many bi people end up in straight (or straight passing) relationships. But being with someone who talks negatively about a part of your identity seems like it would wear on a person.
Don’t be with someone you can’t be yourself around. And regardless, here’s a favorite argument of mine against religious homophobes that usually shuts them up.
“God made us in his image, right? And God doesn’t make mistakes with his creations, right? There are animals, ie Gods creations, that display all kinds of sexualities in nature, so being gay/bi/trans is NATURAL. If you say that it is “wrong” then you are saying that God make a mistake and his creations are flawed. Which is blasphemous. Besides, we are taught to respect others despite our differences, be that religious, sexuality, etc. Only God can judge a person, and you are not God last time I checked.”
Whatever you decide, the damage is done. He was denied his own choice without your truth. ✨Manipulation✨
Be honest, lies just hurt.
This is a tough one but myself I hated high school. Every one is insecure whether you know it or not. Puberty and hormones and insecurity and just get through high school. You can be out and proud or just try to get through it. With everyone being insecure there’s alot of shifting allegiances. Myself I had a couple of close friends. We weren’t really any label either. We were smart but not straight A kiss ass students. We weren’t bad like the bully trouble makers were but we laughed at their stuff sometimes while most of the class was quiet. Personally don’t do anything sexually because your boyfriend will have the biggest mouth about it. Anything else is not his business either. A girlfriend is much more likely to be discreet and keep her mouth shut. Boy will talk they will brag and you were a conquest. Then you suddenly have a reputation. It sucks but it’s how boys and men are in general.
guys im about to tell him. Will update soon!
You’re not obligated to tell anyone if you don’t want to
You should never make conclusions about other people based on what you believe to be “ALL the boys”. Each person in the world is an individual with their own thoughts, ideas, opinions, and beliefs.
Yes, you should tell him. He already said he would still love you, so trust him.
I am bi and many many many years ago when I was in school it was not accepted socially at all. I endured a lot of homophobic treatment from school mates. But it helped my resolve on who I am and how I want to treat other people. It isn’t easy to come out (and you will come out many times during your life), but it gets easier with practice.
Dude literally said he don’t give a damn with the I’d still love you, so just be honest about it, be honest with yourself screw everyone else’s opinion
Just tell him and that you won’t cheat on him and that he can watch and or join in on the festivities. Also remind him “eating ain’t cheating”
First you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t like who you really are. It will never work
Second, he also has the right to know who is gf is. Lying about your sexual history or preference is a form of cheating. A man doesn’t have to be anti-gay to not want to date a bi woman, he might not want to risk her cheating with a woman (because he won’t suspect a sleepover with a female friend) or be concerned you have sexual desires he cannot fulfill (because he’s not a woman). It’s his right to make his choices with full knowledge if who you are, just like it’s your right to make your choice with full knowledge of who is he (eg how he feels about bi women)
RIP the bandaid. You might be pleasantly surprised OR you might save yourself years in the wrong relationship
Just because those jerks at your school are homophobic doesn’t mean your boyfriend also is. If he is anti-gay, though, then you should leave him. If he said that he’d still love you even if you were bisexual (which you are), then there’s likely nothing to worry about, though.
Dont date conservative men at all, problem solved.
What the hell is bi ?
Honestly. He prolly won’t trip. He likes girls to. There is a double standard in guys being bi and girls being bi. He may think it’s hot.
Dont date conservative men?
If you can’t be honest with your partner, then you shouldn’t be dating them. Find somebody who loves you for who you are, not for the false front that you put out to protect yourself.
If your BF is a homophobe, you should break up with him.
slay men and women are both hot like 🥵🥵🥵
Only if you’re comfy with him asking for a threesome.
Yes, he may end up exploring that with you. A lot of guys like that.
Also, you need to be honest and open, and he should accept you for you!
He’s planning a menage…
I’m super conservative with a bi gf, if he loves you he won’t care.
As a straight dude, if my girlfriend told me she was also into girls, I’d be ecstatic
this is every guys dream, if anything he’ll love you more
If he’s a homophobe, dump his ass. If he hangs out with homophobes and doesn’t push back, dump his ass. It’s 2025: homophobes need to learn better.
Sounds like kinda a piece of shit
That’s awesome you told him and he reacted with love instead of judgment. Honestly sounds like you picked the right guy to trust. Now you can just breathe easier and stop carrying that secret
I love how the comments assumed he’s a raging homophobe and turns out he’s fine with it.
Hope everyone got all that egg off their faces
Babe, you’re not long term compatible.
YA-HOO!
Does anybody else get the vibe hes going to pull out the “hey youre bi, can we have FFM threesome?” card on her then play victim when OP says no?
I went through the same situation about 20 years ago. Down to the rumors and denying it. Im glad OP told her if and it worked out. That must have been difficult. Live does get better once you are out of the small private school environment. The entire world is not like that
tell him he will like it girl!!!
That should end well
You’re a child. He’s a child. You might think this is love…. But you’ll become an adult soon enough.
There’s a whole world out there and you’ll find acceptance in your niche in life. Don’t hold yourself to some idea of the ways things are now.
He has a right to know.
That’s…not going to end well.
WHY? It is your business not his. NO NO NO
Save it for the girlfriend you have – it would means something to her
Will you ever cheat on him with someone of the opposite sex, if it happens some day he will be devasted that you left him for another woman. I mean that will be worse than if u left him for another man hopefully you live happily ever after but I think the odds are stacked against u. Just my opinion.
This whole gigantic drama seems like its really not necessary. In some ways , it makes me think you are possibly lying to your boyfriend and cheating on him. Your bi. Is this is an adjective or a verb? Why does everyone feel the need to label themselves as something or not something. How are you BI , if you are not BEING Bi. If you are actively “being” bi (dating someone , hooking up with someone same sex or emotionally involved with someone same sex, ) then you are cheating.
Your in a heterosexual relationship, and as far as I define in .. your straight. Otherwise you are trying to use the label to create an opening for youself to entertain cheating on him with a girl.
just my two cents. I am not accusing you of being a cheater.. im wondering why its so important to have the label for youself? Why would you tell him your bi? I wouldnt walk around telling my GF/Wife who and who I am not attracted to if i was.
What possible good would any of that do?
Bring a friend for him to explore with you