I 22f have a crush on a 25M. We were co-workers at a summer camp but we weren’t in the same department. He worked with the kids and I’m a staff member.
I haven’t had a crush on someone since I was 17, then he cheated on me and since then I haven’t had feelings like I did for him, I’ve had one boyfriend since then and didn’t feel much. Ofc I’ve found people attractive, I’ve been on dates, hooked up with people, but not a crush. I forgot what that felt like.
It was strangely an immediate connection, idk how to describe it. I’ve known him since June and the only time I really see him is at lunch and around camp, but every time I see him I get butterflies.
His contract was way shorter than mine. Mine lasts until August and his just ended. I actually cried, I don’t cry a lot when people leave. I barely cried at the my graduation, I only cried really when my best friends graduated and moved across the country.
He lives in the mid west and I live on the east coast so we don’t live close at all.
I told him I cried bc idk I wanted him to know I’ll miss him.
My friends think he has a crush on me too. I go back and forth but at a staff party we were all over each other but nothing happened. I’m super insecure when it comes to men, in fact I didn’t really have interest in men for a while bc the last guy I saw feed into my eating disorder, ever since I stopped seeing men I’m basically recovered. I mean my ex situationship was a gym rat that loved how small I was.
But this guy is different. He’s super kind, he’s a teacher and loves his job and his students. He’s always with his family, hates going out and doing new things, very type A.
Right before we left, we had another staff party but he was on night duty for the kids so he couldn’t drink and was in charge of shutting down the party. Since we aren’t in the same department he wasn’t in charge of what I did in my free time. I was pretty crossed. I just get trashed at staff parties since I don’t really drink that much outside of them. He hung out with me until 3am, he normally goes to bed around 11pm. He was making sure I was okay, I was definitely all over him but he kinda just laughed and made sure I didn’t fall out of my chair. He eventually went back to him room, I tried to get him to come back out but he just said, hey you are drunk, I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Which shocked me at the time because most men would just go for it. I mean I did just graduate from college so that just how most college guys are.
He’s not a guy I’d normally be interested in at all. Normally it’s assholes for some god for saken reason
But I finally got to a spot where I was ready to talk to him about it, kinda try and break the tension, but his contract ended and I didn’t have the chance.
I don’t know why I want to tell him, just to know how he felt? Close this chapter?
I’m not sure how I would go about it.
I was physically so depressed today, I was in a constant state of feeling like I was going to have a panic attack and like I was going to vomit. I could barley do my job and I just lied and told everyone I had a head ache, it got so bad my boss sent me to my room to lay down bc I kept having to sit bc I was dizzy.
I then connected the dots that it’s because I didn’t talk to him and I was sad he was gone. I kinda just want to know. I don’t want anything I have no interest in a relationship strangely, especially long distance. I’m not into labels bc i have what I would describe as mental claustrophobia.
Is it worth asking him? I feel like I’m in highschool again the way I have this crush. I just want to spend time with him and hug him. Which I know sounds like I want a relationship with him but that thought is terrifying to me.
It’s physically and mentally eating at me. What do I do? There is no harm if he has a bad reaction then I can just not talk to him. If he has a good reaction I would have no clue what to do.
He wants to come back next summer and is trying to get me to come back as well. Idk if I would want to. It’s pretty intense being a staff member, I work 8:30am – 3am some days. Plus what if I do end up having a partner by then. That would just feel weird.
God I ramble so much. I have no clue what I would do with this information.
What are people’s thoughts? What do I say?
Comments
Girl you’re already in deep so just tell him. Holding it in will eat you alive and you might get peace or something real.
Yes, you can tell him. You’re not asking for a relationship or planning a future, you just want to express how you feel. And that’s valid.
You don’t sound like you’re emotionally ready to deal with the percussions of whatever he may tell you and the fallout of it all. My vote is for you to hold onto and relish the fantasy and memories as they will bring you comfort as you grow old.