I (27f) have been friends with this guy (28m) for over 10 years. We met at our first jobs at 16 and got really close when I was around 19 and ever since then I’ve always had at least a small crush on him. We had a falling out about 3-4 years ago and recently reconnected.
Our friendship has mostly been very platonic. Prior to the falling out, there were a lot of signs that he was attracted to me and he told me he was once, but I don’t think it was anything more than that. Plus, he doesn’t act those same ways towards me since reconnecting. So even if he was attracted to me back then in some way, it doesn’t seem like he is now.
Lately, he’s been talking to this girl and really likes her and it’s killing me a little inside to hear him talk about her so much. I value our friendship a lot regardless of how he feels about me and I don’t want to ruin what we’ve built over all these years, however, I think if I were to confess to him in some way and he told me that he didn’t view me the same way, I could move on from these feelings. I’m just really nervous it’ll make things awkward and ruin our friendship.
So, if a close friend who you weren’t attracted to confessed attraction and/or feelings for you, how would you feel? Would you be able to continue the friendship without feeling weird? Has anyone been through this scenario before and been able to continue being friends?
If I do confess, how can I do so in a way that removes any sort of pressure and doesn’t make things awkward? I’m 99% sure he doesn’t like me and kinda just want to hear it from him so I can move on.
Also, alternatively, are there any ways I can maintain the friendship without confessing and still move on from my feelings?
Tl;dr: I like a close, longterm friend of mine who I’m pretty sure doesn’t see me the same way. Should I confess for my own closure reasons or would this ruin the friendship? Is it possible to not confess, but still move on while remaining friends?
Comments
So I’ve done this before – confessing to a friend i liked for years. The day I told him, I really just needed it off my chest so I could move on. Surprise! He liked me back. But at the time, I was ready to move on and over it so my feelings were unclear. I gave it shot and it didn’t work out. It wasn’t what I wanted it to be and I felt very insecure about the relationship. I ended it but it was never the same after that.
If you still hang around him and a potential girlfriend, wouldn’t that be the same as losing him anyway? I say you should shoot your shot because the worse thing that can happen is watching him be in love with someone else. If you lose him, then that’s what you’ll live with rather building up all these feelings and losing yourself. Good luck, wishing you the best.
Hey there, I think you should do whatever will make you feel good at the end of the day.
Personally, I think he would probably reject you and things would be awkward, especially since he likes someone else now.
Or you, don’t tell him stay friends, continue to get jealous and or meet someone else and are into them.
I think you seem to know what’s likely to happen. At the end of the day it comes down to whether or not you will feel relieved if even you get rejected because you got it off your chest kinda deal.
I will say if you were friends for 10 years, nothing happened and you had a falling out— it doesn’t look great.
Should you tell him? Yes. Should you tell him while you know he is actively interested in someone else? No. Don’t be messy. He’s talking to someone. If you’ve missed your window that’s on you. If it doesn’t work out with that girl, let him know how you feel.