I (25f) have been married to my husband (27m) for 4 years. I never had financial issues before we got married. I always had a large savings (due to savings accounts set up for me by my grandparents and parents) Anyways, we bought a house and moved in together and combined finances. He would constantly get angry at me when I paid my CC bill. Anyways overtime I have been scared to fully pay it because I can’t handle his comments about it. I knew right away combining finances was a mistake. I now have 14k on my CC. We have previously gotten large gifts from my grandparents (~10k) but they always give the check to him and he deposits it into our high yield acct. I made a separate secret bank account because I am inheriting money since my grandparents have passed. (~50k). I have been waiting to get this money to pay it off. The problem is that the bank that has the trust is taking a long time to transfer the money out. I’m tired of this debt weighing on me. If I tell him I know we could just pay it off easily. I am also worried he will scream at me and belittle me in front of our family and friends for the rest of my life for this. I also have a personal IRA and I’ve considered just withdrawing the money to pay it off this way. But I know that is way worse in the long run. We have been married 4 years and make a combined 140k and don’t have kids.
TLDR: I’m scared to tell my husband about my credit card debt and don’t know if I should withdraw from my IRA, wait to get family money or just tell him the truth.
Comments
You’re not alone, I’ve had financial fear mixed with emotional control before and it is super heavy. You deserve transparency in your relationship and I learned the hard way money should never be a weapon. Please take care of yourself first.
So you don’t trust your husband Is that what I am hearing?
Babe. Sounds like you need a divorce.
why are you married to this man?? ETA: i hope you have a good prenup lol
He sounds like an asshole. But also $14k of credit card debt is a lot. Definitely pay that off ASAP due to the high interest.
Ummm do you have reason to believe he will scream and belittle you?
How much is your salary? Why does he take the checks your grandparents send—why did they make them out to him? And why wouldn’t you say “actually I need that to pay my debt? I’m depositing it in my account.” They are your grandparents ffs.
So many questions…
Yeah, hi, this is called financial abuse
This isn’t ok, you should tell him how you feel because keeping it to yourself will only make things worse, he’s your husband and you don’t even feel like you can share what’s on your mind with him because of how he may react, you should sit down and have a conversation with him telling him you no longer feel safe being vulnerable around him because of his behaviour which is causing you so much stress
Why is he getting angry at you for making your own decisions like an adult? That’s awful. If you don’t feel safe to share something with your partner this important, he probably isn’t the partner for you (or capable of being a partner to anyone).
You don’t have money issues. You have husband issues. Fear of him kept you from making wise financial decisions.
I don’t recommend telling him because you are afraid of his reaction, probably for good reason. I do recommend getting yourself somewhere safe and then using your combined funds (that you contribute to) to pay the debt off. I then recommend speaking to a divorce lawyer.
Besides the obvious financial abuse, your husband is just.. dumb? Accruing credit card interest is significantly worse than lost 4% or less from a HYSA. GEEZ.
Putting aside the money issue, you are afraid of your husband. You are afraid to spend your own money. You say that he will scream at you and belittle you so I am guessing that has happened in the past. These are ALL signs of a very unhealthy relationship. Please do not bring children into a household where one parent screams and yells when he is unhappy about something and the other is immobilized by fear. This is a terrible home environment for you. It would be worse for children.
So your husband will belittle and scream at you if you tell him the truth? Umm girl you should not stay with someone who treats you like this. Abuse all around. UPDATEME
Separate finances. You have to separate it. Now.
Girl, if you are scared of your husband and he takes your money from you it’s time to leave
The issue are not the credits, the issue is that you’re scared of him. Forget about money and solve Our main problem