!TRIGGER WARNING! i was raped when i was 4 and molested a few timed and i did show a lil signs of trauma ( like i was talking about $ex when i was 6..) up till i was 8, after that i seemed like a perfectly fine child except for the hyper sexuality(like masterbating 5 times a day since i was 8..), p0rn addiction(my parents found out when i was 10) and how avoidant i seemed with vulgarity, but these things were mainly behind the scenes, even though mu hyper sexuality slips through and makes me seem hypocritical. ive even been se!f h@rm!ng and vaping (my parents found out too) but i feel as if its dumb to speak up about it now since its been 10 years since it happened and i honestly feel scared that i deserve it because it makes it seem as if im excusing the things i do and i dont know how to speak up about it or why i havent.
Should i tell my mom i was raped when i was younger?
r/Advice
Comments
You didn’t deserve any of it, and it’s never too late to tell your truth. If your mom is safe and supportive, you should tell her, you don’t have to carry this alone anymore.
Hi u/oceanwatergeezer, I like your username. I’m a 25 year old woman who works as a counselor with a degree in psychology.
Thanks for sharing a lot of what you have been through, and at such a young age, it sounds like you are a young teenager. I remember that age, I self harmed around then too, and am grateful to be happy, independent, and at peace with my life now in young adulthood. I also started seeing a therapist when I was 15 years old, and it made my life so much better, I wouldn’t be who I am today without it. It sounds like this has affected you in many ways, and you remember that it happened, and think about it sometimes. I’m sure that brings up a lot of different feelings that can be difficult to feel, and confusing, and very scary.
There’s this idea called psychological safety, it’s when we feel safe to think and feel things, and even tell people vulnerable things. It can make us feel even safer to tell people, once we feel safe enough to tell them.
Before I started seeing a therapist when I was a teenager, I kept throwing fits and feeling just too many things at once. After one of my tantrums, I cried to my mom I just didn’t know what to do. Really, I was asking for help. She said, hesitantly, do you want to see a therapist? I wanted to talk to my mom about what I was feeling, but I thought maybe talking to someone else would help too, someone who was an expert on all this, and who’s job it would be to make me feel safe again.
It was hard for me to ask for help, because of shame and guilt. Shame and guilt are the most difficult emotions on earth, they play tricks on our brain. They can make you question yourself, as if you don’t deserve something, are dumb, or are making excuses for yourself. That’s not true. You are being strong, and helping yourself, when you see that something you experienced has affected you in other ways, many years later. Almost every survivor of sexual assault feels shame or guilt, it’s actually a way for a scared person to try to protect themselves, but over time it can harm your ability to heal and recover from that danger. Such as making it difficult to tell someone what happened or ask for help.
What you did here is tell us something really scary but really strong because you recognized that something’s not right. You are brave, and deserve to feel like everything’s all right. Do you think if you tell your parents, you can be one small step closer to having things feel better?
Yes.
Unfortunately you were sexually traumatized and although you have memories the Trauma a part remains repressed and unresolved being expressed through sexual compulsive behavior. Sexual trauma can be resolved though psychotherapy and you’ll feel more comfortable within your body. Look for a therapist who specializes in early childhood sexual trauma. & go easy on yourself. Take care.
I’m really sorry you had to go through this. Please remember it’s never too late to speak up or get help. You didn’t deserve what happened, and you don’t have to carry this alone. You deserve healing and support.
All the strength with you. I feel you need to share this burden. Who ever you are comfortable with. Parents, counsellor. You have rest of the life ahead of you. You can do it. All the best.