My baby daddy went through my phone while I was drunk. I’m not sure why but I juts remember him putting my phone up to my face to open it. I had gone out before with some friends and they all wanted to go home, I didn’t want to go home and had asked some other ppl to do something after but no one wanted to go out. So I asked one of my co workers who is a man if he wanted to go dancing. Now mind you my baby daddy and i have been together for ten years but last year he broke things off with me because he thought I was cheating on him. Which I wasn’t. We lived together for ten years, had three children in that span of time. I was faithful to him, dedicated my whole life to our family, cleaned, cooked, was a provider to him and our kids. Idk where he got that I would cheat on him because I wouldn’t even go out during these ten years. So he moved out last year, a couple months of later he said he missed me wanted to try and make things work. A whole year of trying to be with him, with nothing changing him still treating me the way he always treated me. He didn’t want to move back in with me didn’t want the label that we were back together. Never wanted to go out with me, go to a movie, go grab a drink nothing, just how it was during the time we lived together. While I know asking a male co worker to go out dancing looks wrong I really didn’t mean anything by it in like a sexual way. I really just wanted to go out and go dancing. My baby daddy made up this whole scenario in his head that I was cheating on him, called me a slut, I asked to have a conversation about this whole thing but wouldn’t give me a chance. He called me a “fucking slut” and because that hurt me to hurt him back I said yea I’m a slut go get checked for stds he is now taking that as a confession and admission of guilt. He said things were over for good that he wanted nothing to do with me. I’m really sad about it and don’t know what to do. I love him and I want to be with him. And honestly I’m not even really sure what lead him to the conclusion that I was cheating on him when i don’t have anything in my phone that says that. I don’t know what to do and idk if I should even try. I thought relationships were supposed to be about partnership and communication and the fact that we don’t have that I’m not sure if this is even something I should try and fix.
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> Idk where he got that I would cheat on him because I wouldn’t even go out during these ten years.
Well he was probably cheating on you and projecting. If he was doing it, in his mind you must be as well.
> a couple months of later he said he missed me wanted to try and make things work
Things didn’t work out with the mistress I see.
> While I know asking a male co worker to go out dancing looks wrong
Okay hold up, he broke up with you, you never officially got back together. You can sleep with whoever you like girl. It doesn’t look wrong to me at all.
> I don’t know what to do and idk if I should even try.
Look at HIS phone. I highly suspect you will find the source of all his cheating accusations in there. Maybe then you can wake up and see that this man never treated you right.
“I thought relationships were supposed to be about partnership and communication and the fact that we don’t have that I’m not sure if this is even something I should try and fix.”
You put it perfectly. This is not a functional partnership and it’s not like you didn’t try.
I’d opt out of this and kick him out. You’ll probably be better off without him.
Do you know how the kids feel about this? Suppose since the initial breakup happened more than a year ago already, it’s not going to be too bad to have their dad live somewhere else again?
All the best!
Christ, this belongs on r/rant. What a terrible situation for these children. Please don’t go back to him.
He’s not worth it. He will never change. You and your kid deserve a stress free life without him around. Kick him out and move on.
What you’ve described isn’t a relationship, it’s emotional servitude dressed up in the illusion of family. You gave this man ten years of your life, THREE children, loyalty, support, domestic work, emotional labor and the whole package and how does he repay you? With mistrust, accusations, neglect, and verbal abuse. That’s not love. That’s not even confusion. That’s a manipulative little boy in a grown man’s shell who’s too fragile to admit he’s broken and projecting his bullshit onto you.
The only few confusing things here are that you say he is your significant other in the title, but then you go on to say you are not with him. That also leads to the question of where were you with him while you were drunk. If I am reading this right he does not live with you because he does not officially want a perception you are back together. FWIW- he sounds like a person with jealousy issues and you probably should not be hanging out at his house or having him in your house if he does not want anybody to think you are together.
I get that you say in here you want to be with him, but why? If he is not committed why does he expect you to be so super loyal to him? Something does not add up.
You are allowed to go out and dance, and when one dance at a club or such, one can dance with a lot of different people. Many times opposite gender.
If this is the reaction for you asking a friend to go dance then you should never have taken him back in the first place.
But also, people don’t change over a couple of months. Maybe if a huge trauma was underlying and help was found, both therapy and medicine, together with everyday doing the work and regulate yourself etc. MAYBE a few months would make a difference.
So if he behaved bad towards you before the break up, you should never have taken him back.
POS behavior tbh. Put your foot down and boundaries. If he leaves he leaves but stop being run over by this trash.
How can you cheat on him if y’all aren’t even together officially? You’re not obligated to be loyal to someone who isn’t loyal to you???
well case of the x…your “baby daddy” meaning y’all are apart should really get a hang for it.if he left you should not pause your life to wait on him because time wont wait for and as clear as it seems is many times when a spouse comes at you with such kinds of accusations its exactly what they themselves are doing and he prolly thinks you’re on to him so what a best way to deflect it than point to you.
As at this moment really think about your life ahead cuz i really see most of us take time forgranted alot
>So I asked one of my co workers who is a man if he wanted to go dancing.
So little miss cognitive dissonance wonders why your man does not trust you? If he had any brains or self respect, he would extricate you from his life and get a DNA test.
I think he’s cheating on you.
Run away. He’s not just a walking red flag, he’s all of the red fabric in town. You were out, wanted to keep going, texted someone to see if they wanted to go, and now you’re all of the problem, after what he put you through? Absolutely not.
It feels a lot like projection here too. And he’s conditioned you to take his abuse – that’s not a good place to be. So yeah, get out, move on with your life, and build yourself something that you can be proud of – by yourself to start with for sure, but potentially with someone who will actually trust you and treat you as human. And if it’s possible, get some counselling.
Tell my why you want to be with someone who doesn’t trust you and calls you names?
He is cheating on you and you need to move on.
I know the title is confusing but it wouldn’t let me use certain words that’s why I put it as significant other. And honestly in a way that’s what it is. I know it’s confusing but it’s a lot more complex than what it sounds. It’s been hard this last year has been tough. He literally turned our lives upside down from one day to the next when he just decided to leave because he thought I was doing something behind his back. Which Is just so mind boggling to me when I’ve been pregnant and breastfeeding for the past ten years idk where I would even find the time. I guess because we have kids I just thought I could try again for them. But a lot of you on here are right. I think it’s hard to let go of someone who you have worked so hard to build a life with, have given ten years of your life to. It’s not easy to just let go of that. I can see where this does sound like a rant. I’m just trying to get some advice on if this is a reason to just give up and move on. Even tho I know there was nothing in my phone that was bad and honestly I don’t even feel like texting a friend to go dance was wrong especially given the fact that he wants me to meet certain expectations when he won’t even move back home and wants idk what with me when we have three kids together. Or maybe I’m wrong and need to try to clear things up? Especially since he won’t stop being so mean about it and making me feel like shit about it. Calling me names and telling me I’m a bad person and how could I look at myself in the mirror. And I do feel like a bad person.
Also sorry to clarify…. After I asked friends if anyone wanted to go out dancing no one could so I just decided to call it a night and went back to his apartment to be with him, that’s how this whole thing ended up starting. We don’t live together. Also I don’t go out. I go out with friends like twice a year. It’s not something I’m doing every weekend.
Well he’s obviously cheating on you
Please get out of this situation, like yesterday.
A “baby daddy” doesn’t sound like a real relationship. Sounds like y’all are young and immature, definitely not good together based on this post alone.
He’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve you. Let him stay gone.
100% he’s projecting….he is 100% cheating on you or at least has been during the initial 10yrs. Classic behaviour.
He’s emotionally abusive. Get rid of him and live your life happier without him.