Hi ladies! I’m 29F, I’ve never been in a relationship, and given my circumstances, I don’t know if I ever will. Rather than wait around for the right person to come along, I’d like to be proactive in building a life for myself – including and especially a support system as a single woman. I’d love to have your advice and success stories: is it true that you lose friends to their partners and families, or have you successfully negotiated these changes to your relationships? How do you decide your emergency contact / whom do you turn to in emergencies? Do you have anyone whose advice you value in making big life decisions? How do you cope with loneliness, ageing parents and your own ageing? And anything else I may have forgotten.
Comments
I think relationships change when everyone starts having families, but you don’t necessarily have to lose those friendships. I personally made an effort to hang out with my friends WITH their kid when the kiddos were young.
I also maintained a good relationship with my parents.
Cope with loneliness by getting a dog and also learning to enjoy my own company.
I have a fiance, but I still have one of my closest friends as the emergency contact. My logic is that if something happens, I’m likely to be with the fiance so I need someone external to my relationship to be next of kin just in case.
I’ve made friends through various things that I’ve done– volunteering, roller derby, various hobbies. I stay social and involved in my community. All that helped me build a solid circle of support.
I love this for you, I’m doing the same.. building the life I want outside of a relationship. I figure that someone will come along and will be much more aligned to me and my values because I am living them.
My ex-husband is my poa and emergency contact and will be until I’m in a long term and secure relationship. My only family would be my aging mother or a cousin, neither of which I trust to make big decisions. I’m very lucky to have an ex I trust..
I got a dog to help with loneliness. I set intentions to meet with friends a couple times a month. I make sure I reach out, and not just rely on others to reach out to me.
ETA: my friendship circle has changed drastically in recent years and I find myself with just a few good friends.. but ones I don’t see very often. We keep up through text, memes, video calls.. etc. keeps the connection.
I live with my mom, who is my emergency contact. I can certainly ask her for advice, and she’s always happy to help, though I try not to lean on her too much. For big decisions, I’ll do a lot of research and planning beforehand. I seldom feel lonely, but that may be more my personality.
My mom aging does worry me at times, I’ll admit. She had to have spinal surgery six years ago, but she’s otherwise doing well. And she’s only 59. 😊
I think being intentional about building a community around you is important. I know my neighbors, I have met friends through all sorts of pursuits (hobbies, work etc), and I put a lot of effort into nurturing them. The great thing about being single and child free is you can devote time to people, even if they are in a busy season of their lives. Like my friends mostly have teenagers now, and I can spend more time with them, but even in the years where they had tiny people, I made an effort to stay in their lives, because I love them (and their kiddos). The other important thing is setting yourself up financially, but that’s probably another whole post!
Well I don’t know if I can give a success story only a survival one. 33F/single for context.
It’s true you lose friends and make them over and over. Build communities, bond w/ a bff. Things change, it collapses and you rebuild.
My unchanging anchor is my mom. I’m lucky that she’s strong, stable even if we don’t agree 50% of the time. I think that’s what keeps me sane.
But big decisions, me myself and I. I do consult people who are in my life in that moment, ultimately though, I make decisions.
I chose a life of cyclical solitude which means for me my focus is in building my own foundation and strength selfishly because despite my familial support I’m alone and have to count on me first.
Lastly, I cope with ageing and loneliness by constantly changing and seeking the best version of myself and life I want. Still seeking, still building, still moving.
I hope this helps!