We all have our quirks and irrational fears. Maybe you have to check the stove three times before leaving the house or you absolutely cannot handle the texture of velvet. Usually, we manage to navigate adult life around these little hiccups. But one man on Reddit is currently dealing with a partner whose phobia has completely derailed their lives, and frankly, it sounds absolutely exhausting for everyone involved.
The Original Poster (OP) is a 20-year-old guy living in England with his 21-year-old girlfriend. England is notoriously damp, gray, and chilly for a solid chunk of the year. This is unfortunate because his girlfriend has a severe, debilitating phobia of touching anything cold. The OP explains that she refuses to let her skin make contact with cold surfaces. This includes floors in winter, door handles, walls, and cold water. It is so intense that she has to run a full bath of scalding hot water just to warm up the shower floor before she can even get in.
This isn’t just about being uncomfortable. It dictates her entire existence. She cannot eat cold food or drink cold beverages at any time of year. This means her liquid intake is almost exclusively hot tea and coffee. The OP notes that the sheer volume of caffeine she ingests just to stay hydrated keeps her in a constant state of anxiety. It is a vicious cycle of fear feeding anxiety feeding more fear.
It is easy to judge from the outside, but living like this must be torture for her. However, it is also clearly wearing down the OP. The situation recently escalated from a “manageable nightmare” to an actual crisis during the UK winter. The OP describes the situation as getting ridiculous as he watches her unable to function as an adult because of the temperature of objects.
One day, the girlfriend realized her slipper boots were on the other side of the bedroom. Instead of walking on the floor in her socks to retrieve them, which any functional person would do, she decided the only logical course of action was to call out sick to work and stay in bed all day. She allowed a phobia of a chilly floor to cost her a day’s wages.
When the OP got home from his 8-to-4 job, he found a scene of total chaos. His girlfriend was desperate for the toilet, starving, and highly distressed. She hadn’t moved from the bed for over five hours. When asked why she didn’t just call someone to help her, she explained that her phone was on the window ledge. Apparently, window ledges are too cold to touch, so she chose to suffer instead.
The OP snapped. He came home to a partner in distress and immediately told her the situation was ridiculous. He demanded she get therapy because she “can’t live like this” and called it annoying and impractical. Naturally, she was extremely upset and called him an ahole for not taking her seriously. She admitted she knows it is ridiculous but feels helpless to stop it.
Here is the thing. He is definitely an ahole for his delivery. Kicking someone when they are already down, hungry, and needing to pee is not supportive partner behavior. He should have approached her with concern rather than judgment in that immediate moment.
However, he is also completely right. This is not sustainable. When your phobia stops you from performing basic bodily functions or holding down a job because your slippers are six feet away, it is time for professional intervention. This isn’t a quirk anymore; it is a severe disability that is ruining her life.
She needs urgent help, not just for the sake of her relationship, but so she can literally function as a human being without constant terror. The OP needs to dial back the “it’s annoying” rhetoric and lean heavily into the “I’m terrified for your well-being” angle if he wants her to actually listen.