I have recently started dating this man and we have refrained from sleeping together because we want to get to know each other. We have been doing the dating the right way and not jumping into bed together. He is a bigger man and I have never been with a bigger guy before so I have been feeling a bit intimidated. He mentioned being worried he would disappoint me in the bedroom and I asked him why. He stated that it’s harder for him to maneuver in the bedroom and size was not an issue which I reassured him that it’s something we could work through. We ended up going on a trip and I was feeling the timing was right to finally sleep together. Things got a little hot and heavy and when I finally saw his penis it was very small. I would say maybe 2 inches hard. I tried getting on top and even switching positions but with his size and the size of his penis I could not even feel it. He had no stamina and when I tried giving him oral it ended up going soft. When it went soft it completely when like inside him and disappeared. I have never experienced this before. He was extremely embarrassed and the drive home the next day felt super awkward. While trying to have sex I was worshiping his body to make him feel secure however in the back of my mind I was mortified and couldn’t wait for it to be over. I still care about him but sex is an important part for me in a relationship. I couldn’t imagine only receiving oral and using toys with no actual penis penetration. I’m feeling really confused and torn. I feel like I need to break things off and I don’t know what to tell him why I want to break up without hurting his feelings or making him feel worse about his body then he already does I just don’t think I can get past what I felt. Please don’t judge I’m actually really sad about everything and it’s probably my fault for having expectations and initiating sex. I guess it’s better to find out now than to end up introducing the kids or moving in together and finding out down the road.
Small penis experience
r/AITAH
Comments
just talk about it
Tell him to throw your legs over your head and go to pound town.
You’ll definitely feel something then!
My small 6 inches feels too big and she says it’s too deep inside when I do that.
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Nta its perfectly acceptable to realize youre not sexually compatible. You’re gonna hurt his feelings regardless and he’s going to know why you want to break up so its probably best to just rip the bandaid off.
You can still be graceful and compassionate when you do it. Something along the lines of “i think youre a wonderful person but I realized we are not sexually compatible which is a deal breaker for me. I think it would be best if we went our separate ways from this point forward.”
Shying away from it would be more insulting to him just be honest and treat it with the same gravitas you would like to be treated with in a breakup. Best of luck to you
Nta. If you like the guy talk it through, try some more things, positions, talk through tun ons etc. See if you can make it work.
If it feels like a dealbreaker that’s ok too. It sounds like you guys just didn’t click that way. Different people like different things and maybe you’d each pair better with someone else.
This is probably not the first time that this has happened to him, unfortunately.
My experience with a micropenis is that they’re great for clit stimulation and with the right angle it’s super easy to orgasm. But, if PIV sex is a dealbreaker for you, in my mind that’s no different than breaking up because you hate his mother. There are some things people can’t change!
What seems unfair is that he lied to you in saying that size was not an issue, when clearly he knew that it was. I think that’s probably an even more important reason to cut things off.
It’s okay to care about him and still feel the physical connection isn’t working. If you end things, be kind and focus on emotional mismatch not the specifics. You’re not wrong for wanting a full connection in a relationship.
How about a strap on/sheath?
NTA. You can break up with someone for any reason you want. See is more important for some people and that’s ok
When I met my partner the same thing happened to me. Obviously it was a bummer at first but I decided to give him a chance. We bought toys and tried other positions and really just saw what worked for us. Now I really enjoy our sex life and it’s even more pleasurable for me because he knows how to get me off with things other than penetration
Break it off. Some woman will not be upset over all of this. Byt that woman isn’t you. Be good to him and to yourself.
No judgement. It’s a difficult situation for both of you. If P in V sex is a deal breaker for you then it is what it is.
He might need to vet the women he dates before things get too serious – like some women prefer oral and/or fingering to penetrative sex – that would maybe be the best fit for him.
My ex husband was a bigger guy with a short-medium sized penis and had issues with anxiety and depression. BUT he fully made up for it all by being really good with his hands and oral, and by being enthusiastic and generous. My record number of orgasms in a day is around 16 and all my records were with him and not typically involving penetrative sex. He’s the only person I’ve been with who I felt completely sexy and comfortable with in bed and who I knew got off just by getting me off.
So, if there are really no other issues, and if maybe not having traditional sex isn’t a deal breaker, then maybe there are similar ways around it if you both can meet each other’s needs in other ways.
It does sound like his insecurities run deep and that he’d need help moving on from them.
Also – I found that doggy style, or guy standing with girl on/over edge of bed can work best for the bigger guy + shorter penis combo – if you both decide to try again in the future.
So many things to unpack here…
Micropenis
Erectile dysfunction
Morbidly obese
No stamina
Girl, leave him. Just say you’re not compatible and it’s not going to work.
Sex is important in a relationship, no matter what anyone says. Are you willing to put up with this for the rest of your life and never have real sex again?
I wouldn’t get in a long term committed relationship with anyone I’m not sexually compatible with.
>He is a bigger man
I’m reading this as he’s obese and has a buried penis. Weight loss and surgery can help.
NTA
I’ve been where you are. NTA. If you dont break things off soon you’ll resent it later. I learned that the hard way. I need penetration.
I think you both were brave for giving it a try, but ultimately if you know you won’t be satisfied in the long run, it’s better to let it go.
NTA. Break up with him. Make up any excuse but the size issue. You can tell him your best Catholic friend. She made you feel horrible and filled you with guilt that you rather seek forgiveness than being with him. It works every time. Hell you can even say your mom told you something and you are traumatized with what your mom told about extramarital affairs. I will a pro of finding excuses to breaking up with a man when size is the issue, and you don’t want him to know. You don’t want him to feel inadequate for something he can’t fix.
You made me deeply question my previous sexual performance, and the size of my penis, which measures 4 inches
I dated a man with a micro penis but it was some of my best sexual experiences ever. He taught me how to squirt on command. For me, as long as you are good with your hands, that’s what matters to me.
I don’t think he was honest with you. Maybe even alluded to something else.
I’ve also simply not found myself compatible with someone else for a few reasons. Including sexual incompatible.
I also appreciate some of the same things you do too and toy isn’t a sub.
Maybe you could just say the trip gave you new perspective on everything and you would like to stop seeing him. 😬 So hard.
I don’t think any of this is your fault TBH
Quite understandable. I suggest you just show him your post here on Reddit.
Well, sexual compatibility is important. I know you’re trying to be gentle and open minded but just admit sexual compatibility is important to you. Details don’t matter if you’re not trying to work through them. Save him a lot of angst. Incidentally, you may want to learn about micro penis and other issues men face. It’s not a shameful thing, just like flat chested women can be beautiful. What if you genuinely fall in love with another man with a small penis? Be prepared to understand what that means to him as a man and how you feel bout it. Just be honest with yourself, not here, but in you own mind. What do you want? Love? Romance? Sex? Big dicks? Etc? When you are sure of what you want, allow yourself to pursue it. And there is no shame in any of those categories or any combination, just know yourself and educate yourself. But don’t blame this guy if you don’t find him sexually attractive for any reason, just move on…
NTA but guaranteed he already knows how this is going to play out
OP, I totally understand your situation. As a man like your boyfriend, too was once his size. I promise you, if you can get him to drop 100 pounds, he’s got more to give. At his size, 2 inches would be about normal. I dropped to 300 pounds and had just over 7 inches. At 250, I had close to 9 inches. His stamina will pick up, and his insecurities (probably the reason he lost his erection) will fade out. I was just the same at one point. If you like him for who he is, I think encouraging him would be worth your time.
PS, I dropped the first 100 pounds in 9 months by just eating salads five days a week. Cut out sugar and go very easy with carbs. Also, be cautious of fats. I cut them out almost completely and I was a bit on the pissy side. Avocados saved me there.
I met this really hot guy in my 20’s that had a great body & was amazing to look at. Until…we got to that point. He was the same. Maybe 2”.
I had to ghost him. I couldn’t figure out any other way lol. That was @ 3 decades ago
Using toys is a completely valid option. You don’t have to end things just because you can’t feel his cock inside you, neither of you are at fault for this and it doesn’t make him defective. If seeing a therapist is something that could help you both to negotiate such a sensative topic, then don’t hesitate to do that.
NTA
You’re not sexually compatible and that’s a perfectly understandable reason to end a relationship.
Will he feel hurt? Of course, but he’s undoubtedly experienced this before and he was obviously there during your very awkward sexual encounter, so if he’s remotely self-aware and perceptive then he’ll already know it’s coming.
You are not obligated to stay in a relationship that doesn’t work for you just to protect his ego, or to protect yourself from guilt.
Just make sure to not to share embarrassing details with anyone because he doesn’t deserve that. You can just say you weren’t compatible.
Sorry to hear that you’re planning to break up and crush his ego.
As a guy with MP and happily married for 10+ years and with kids I would suggest for him to work on other parts of his game ie fingering, tongue etc to get his partner off. Sensual massages beforehand help too. Performance anxiety is not his friend. Regarding stamina and lasting power, I suspect he hasn’t had alot of sx. I had similar issues early days, practice and experience helps alot. Once he can last a few minutes he should practice pacing himself and switching positions regularly.
I just had a similar situation. I was dating the nicest guy and I came to find out that he can’t really get an erection. One point he actually did manage penetration and he seemed super pleased with himself but I couldn’t feel a thing.
I also wanted to be super respectful of his feelings as I’m sure he’s super insecure. However, like you – I need a full sexual connection. I tried 3 times with this guy and it ended up completely turning me off.
I broke it off gently. I didn’t even touch on the bedroom situation. It might have been cowardly, but I sent him a kind text saying my heart wasn’t in it and I didn’t feel right leading him on further.
We weren’t dating long – seems the same with you. Just be kind. Poor guy, I really feel bad for these guys.
Damn, it went soft then went inside of him.
At least one of you got penetrated.
I went through this recently, your post was uncomfoerably familiar.
We stayed together for a couple more months after outer first attempt at sex but never had tried again. He never initiated even hand holding.
I was not attracted to him but did the weak thing and waited until I knew he was no longer into me, either, and we broke up. I let him think it was his idea and that I was the problem. In a way I was rhe problem, but he never knew any of it was pecker related.
I didn’t know how else to approach it, but I wouldn’t rexommend doing what I did, wasting both our time and being dishonest to avoid hurting someone.
I hope other people have given you some better advice.
I saw a guy many before we had sex. We’re about the same age…mid 60s. I’m VERY much sexual but he couldn’t get hard. I did oral on two different nights and he was in HEAVEN! So I tried to talk to him about it but he would not engage in the convo. Me bringing up the issue was very difficult but I did it! With him avoiding the conversation, I backed off and stopped seeing him. He may be my regret as I was into him, but if we couldn’t even talk about it, I had to go away. I can live without the maximum desire, as a great relationship may be worth the trade off. Him not wanting to talk about it was the deal breaker!
I broke it off with a perfectly nice guy because of that. We didnt discuss “it” but only had sex once. I remember asking him to put it in and he said, it is.
We kept going but I was mortified inside. When I broke up with him I just said that I wasn’t feeling a connection and that we were better as friends. I waited about 1 1/2 weeks afterwards so that he hopefully wouldn’t put 2 and 2 together.
I just couldn’t cope.
That poor, poor man. And poor you! What an awkward position to be in.
With any luck, he can lose weight and add a couple inches to his… ahem …little friend. Until then, though, you’re certainly not going to be in the wrong for not dating someone you are very obviously not sexually compatible with. It’s not the only part of a romantic relationship, but it is still a part of a romantic relationship.
NTA
Maybe he’s a cuckhold? Maybe you can have your cake and eat it too? I couldn’t do it. But some people can and make it work. Only you can figure it out. But nta for knowing yourself.
It’s mostly likely that his size is a big part of the issue when you say size do you mean tall and fit or overweight and out of shape the latter because of their size it requires a certain amount of blood flow and that blood flow is going to the extra weight on his body not his penis also there are? hormonal imbalances with obesity. Be as kind as possible and be true to yourself
Remember fellas, don’t ever let them tell you size doesn’t matter.
I’ve had to make the difficult decision of breaking up with a guy I really liked, who was too big and therefore didn’t even use condoms because he not only naturally had a length and girth problem, but he also turned out to be a grower. 😭😭😭
I know we’re often conditioned to be raised to be considerate as girl children but I think it’s completely valid to not want to only rely on fingers and oral for stimulation just like it’s valid to not want to risk your insides being misaligned, if not completely blended by a monstrous appendage.
Tell him that you unfortunately are not sexually compatible because his insecurities were also heightened throughout the whole experience otherwise it wouldn’t have disappeared in the midst of you trying to keep it in action. He was too much in his head.
When you say bigger, are we talking over 300? Because it might not actually be truly micro, just hidden. And when a guy is that big, maintaining an erection can get difficult. It’s not your fault, but it does sound like he’s dealing with some severe insecurity. Not to fat shame, but the dude needs to work on himself both emotionally and physically.
Up to you if you want to help him start that journey, but it’s not an easy one
NTA, but if you think it can work out and genuinely like this person, try to figure out other methods that can both help you be intimate in bed without it being one sided
How old are you? He could be dealing with erectile disfunction issues, which can cause the “micro penis” thing you talk about. I am an alcoholic, and sometimes I just get whiskey dick, and you might as well call it baby dick. Semi hard, kind of an embarrassment, but next time its the regular boss. If he is in his mid forties, or even late 30s and you really like him, maybe refer him to a dick doctor for further review. Little sidefinil will wake that thing up and maybe you will not be disappointed.
I married a guy like this. I told myself it didn’t matter that he was small, because it didn’t. What mattered was that he didn’t take care of his body-so his belly was too big for me to enjoy his full penis. And he went soft because he didn’t take care of his body. He drank too much and used way too much nicotine, which can affect erections. So jt wasn’t about the size. It was about how he didn’t do enough to make it the best he could. He didn’t care. That’s important and it sounds like this guy isn’t doing all he can to care about his body either.
NTA – hi! I’ve been in this exact situation. He even suggested we date for a while first too and I found out why the same way you did. The thing is, I’m pretty open minded and if he had warned me I would have been willing to talk about options but not telling someone about micropenis felt like lying and being dishonest about something important. I felt bad for him but not bad enough to sacrifice myself.
You’re NTA, poor dude was just given a shitty hand in life in this case. As Cautious_Lucious and Moulin-Rougelach have both suggested, maybe you could try some kind of extender/sheath? If you connect on everything else, you might as well try something like that before deciding to end things with him.
Really sorry this is going on with you. Really sorry for him too. We can’t do anything with what we were given pretty much in these areas. Yes he probably already knows that it might be unsuccessful. Which is probably why he got soft.
It’s a really tough position to be in when you do have feelings. I would go to some women’s groups and pose your scenario to them and see what they say. And then you can think about things and see how to go forward. It looks like you both might be a little bruised from it.
But if ultimately it’s not satisfying, you do have to move on. And that’s very hard like I said cuz you have feelings for him. I’m sorry and I hope you find a way for the least bruising.
Is he willing to talk to a doctor and get a prescription so that he can stay hard? Also, if he is willing to go on a weight loss medication that will likely help as the lower belly fat can swallow up some of the penis. Another possibility is a sex therapist to help with positions.
Only you can decide if he is worth the time and effort involved.
Is he super overweight?
I mean… if u mean hes big as in fat. Depending on how fat that’s probably most of the issue… if he has a standard 5.5inch and hes fat fat. He could only be showing 2inch as the rest is inside belly and groin fat….
I have been in this exact situation with a guy I dated. I looked past size and accepted him for him….but every time we tried to have sex he wouldn’t stay hard. He blamed it on “whiskey dick” and then it got to a point where it started to make me question if he was even attracted to me. He ghosted me after about 6 months of dating…really did me a favor.
I dated a guy and we fooled around a little but didn’t have sex, and it was very awkward for this reason. Later, he started joking about the power of his two inch python, and I LOVED his humor and confidence. We broke up later for different reasons, but his penis size was no longer an awkward conversation. Lying that size was not an issue would have been my dealbreaker.
NTA. Somewhere out there is a woman who hates PiV who would be extremely compatible with him (I have met like two different women like this, one had a personal preference for oral only, the other had a combination of sexual trauma and a medical condition that made penetration painful).
Sexual compatibility is important and human beings have diverse preferences. Some people even have kinks about those things. Let him be free to find the person who will think he’s perfect.