So Over Life

I’m almost 60 and I hate me. I don’t know who this guy is. I was smart. I was funny. I had a great memory. I had great attention to detail. This meat sac I’m in now? It has none of that. I’m so much less than I was. I hate this person. I hate being trapped in here.

But I have a wife. I have kids (adults, but still). I have a parent I care for. I’m not allowed to be done with this so called life. But I am. Another day of work? Why? Why am I doing this. It’s not that I hate my job, I just hate that I suck at it compared to 40 year old me. He was so much more competent than I am. And my memory is good enough to remember that, if nothing else.

I haven’t been to the doctor since the pandemic started. My wife made me schedule a physical for tomorrow. God, I hope he tells me I have cancer or something so I can just die without anyone being able to blame me.

I just don’t get the point of growing old. It’s the shittiest time of life, why do we strive to reach it?

And for the record, I had to fix more typos in this post before hitting post than I used to make in a day.