I (32F) have never considered myself the type who is the life and soul of the party but I’ve always maintained a really good circle of friends and always had a pretty active calendar with a few concerts, festivals and trips every year.
In the last year, my social calendar has completely fallen off. I always put it down to down getting older and everyone’s lives changing and now being in an LTR for the first time ever and prioritising making memories with my new partner. I go through waves of acceptance with this, enjoying quieter times focusing on the gym and solo dates/travel, whilst other times I get really lonely and crave the fun and endless memories of my twenties.
My issue is I’m at the point where I want to find the balance – I love my friendships and want to nurture them, despite what feels like a new stage, but I’m really really struggling with my ‘social battery’ as such at the minute. I don’t know if it’s the effects of being such a recluse over the past couple of months, but anytime around people apart from my partner I’m struggling with. I had a work event today and felt so overwhelmed with basic interactions. The idea of meeting with friends and talking for ages makes me feel drained even thinking about it. Last weekend at a wedding I had to go take time out because I was exhausted being around people.
I want my spark back but not sure how to get it, wondering if anyone has had similar and how you seemed to revive your social life without being exhausted?
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Not sure if this helps, but like yourself had become a social recluse and started preferring staying home over going out. Ive recently found a new lease of life and take any opportunity to go out and socialise. Ive attributed this to recent intentional weight loss (i feel so much more confident and want to be seen), and also, its spring!! The sun has returned, i think i was actually deficient in vitamin D and probably a little depressed lol
It sounds like you were at events with lots of people, I think that can be exhausting for many people. This might not apply to you, but here are some strategies that make socializing less draining for me:
Meeting with one person or a small group where everyone takes part in the same conversation makes it easier for me. Several parallel conversations at the table and it gets taxing quickly.
I often go on walks with friends. It started when friends got pregnant and later pushed their children to the park and were happy for company, but we kept the habit up. Walks mean less background noise, a more relaxed body through movement and a lull in conversation is not awkward because you can both just walk and look around for a minute. It also limits the date to an hour or two with most people. Walks were some of the first social activities that actually gave me energy back.
I like concerts and bigger events, but I try to sit on the couch with a cup of tea and calm down afterward, even when I am tired, because it helps my quality of sleep, and make sure to have time to myself on the next day.
A certain amount of practice helps. I also experienced periods when I kept more to myself and needed a while to get back into the habit of going out. It was harder the first few times, mind and body really have to get used to it again.
And lastly, “active recovery” when my social battery is low. Just staying in bed reading for a day is nice, but if that doesn’t help, I make sure to do something that does not involve screens. Arts and crafts while listening to music, a hike (if you didn’t notice, I love walking), even cooking something more involved than usual. It all calms my mind down and gives a sense of accomplishment without needing social interaction.
I was once in a relationship where we spent the majority of our social time together. Socializing with anyone who wasn’t my partner felt absolutely exhausting and out of my comfort zone. I realized eventually it was because I grew almost codependent on him.
Not saying that’s your case, but spending all your time with someone will make it initially overwhelming to break out of that and be around other people. Our social skills need to be practiced, and the more you’re out of your comfort zone, the more confident you’ll get again.
It sounds like you need to just get back into the swing of things again. You had some big events, start putting yourself out there with new/old friends more and more as time goes on. Whenever I’m socializing with strangers for the first time in awhile I feel super out of my element and want to withdraw, but when you do it regularly you don’t even blink an eye.