I know the title is kinda dramatic, but
Instagram is such an intense source of anxiety in my life, whether I use it or not… I guess I was hoping to hear what other people think or if anyone has advice?
(Sorry, this post is a bit all over the place tbh, but hopefully it kinda makes sense).
Here’s a quick timeline:
– My ex broke up with me two years ago and it shattered me. I wasn’t ok for a while, and seeing her post sooo much on social media with mutual friends who also dropped me after the breakup was just too much. So I stopped using Instagram for about a year. I deleted the app entirely.
– After a year, I redownloaded Instagram. And for the past year, I’ve only used it maybe once a month? Purely just for my art portfolio.
– I sometimes slip up and look at my ex’s or ex-friend’s pages and I regret it every time. But I haven’t looked for two months now which is a new record (yay for small wins).
– I also notice that even if I don’t come across my ex, I often compare my art to others, or my progress in life to other peoples and it doesn’t feel great either..
So basically, even though I’ve muted my ex and everyone in her life, just looking at the Instagram app still sends a jolt of anxiety in my chest. I start shaking when I open the app, etc.
I think the main source of anxiety is what could be on her page if I do look… (Eg. Whether she’s found someone else.)
I wonder if avoiding Instagram for so long has just exacerbated the anxiety? Even though it was what I needed for a while to stop triggering myself?
I can’t bring myself to block my ex (even though it’s been two years), it just doesn’t feel right.
And even though not using Instagram has made me feel a lot more peaceful at times, I’ve noticed that I’ve lost touch with a lot of people because of not using it. I also don’t feel as connected to the art community as I used to and I don’t know how to replicate that without Instagram? I also miss out on a lot of events.
I’m not too sure what a good balance is. Whether i should cut it entirely, or find ways to cope with the anxiety that comes up about my ex?
I wonder whether just not knowing whether my ex has found someone else is better or if checking and knowing for sure would finally allow me to let go.
I’m really frustrated with myself honestly…
Comments
Totally depends on what works for you, but maybe write out a list of goals. Social media is a tool, how can you best use it for yourself? Connect with friends for real means following the people you care about and engaging with them, curating your follow list, and thoughtfully using the app.
The anxiety is tough. I think you need to explore what doesn’t “feel right” about blocking your ex, but you never have to, if you don’t want to. But does keeping ex within your field of vision help, hurt, or is neutral towards how you’re trying to grow?
What do you emotionally need? None of these decisions need to be forever and you can always change your mind.
It sounds like you have wider anxiety and yeah deleting Instagram while a good decision has made it worse – like your anxiety is being activated every time you think of her.
Try this – have a look at her Instagram and say to yourself / we coexist. I am fine.
Then go back to what you’re doing. Do this once a day for a week
Also don’t judge yourself – this will make it worse. The world didn’t come down when you were off for a year – well done!!
If you’re not over her – 2 years is a long time so maybe seek counseling.
I’ve been off socials besides Reddit since 2016. Delete your accounts and you’ll be free! It’s a cancer on society, imo.
You need to block your ex on all platforms for 6 months. And anything that gives you information about her and her life, such as friends. Don’t delete your socials.
You need to have full closure and grieve the relationship. You’re stuck in limbo. Let go.
She has made her decision. You need to accept it and move on.
Get into therapy if you can.
Stop focusing on whether she has found someone new. Focus on what you want out of life. Pursue your own happiness.
I’ve never had Instagram, and honestly, I’m happier for it. I’m not an introvert and have a large group of friends. I just make an effort to stay connected through WhatsApp, meeting up in person, and checking in directly. In fact, not having social media has actually made it easier to maintain real friendships — it naturally filters true friends from casual acquaintances.
People interacting with your posts online aren’t the same as the friends who show up for you in real life. Without social media, you have to be intentional about nurturing your friendships — inviting people to events, remembering their birthdays, checking in when they’re going through something etc, and it comes back round.
I also don’t like the online personas people create. They often feel very different — for better or worse — from the person you meet in real life.
I want real connection, not a curated version of it.
Could you just block them? Otherwise, delete your account, and find a local what’s app group