I’ve been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for a while now. Emotionally, things are mostly good between us, and I genuinely care about her. But there’s one thing from her past that’s been bothering me deeply, and I need to get it off my chest.
About two years ago, she was in a sexual relationship with a guy. At that time, she knew he was also in a casual friends-with-benefits setup with another girl. My girlfriend was okay with that, and the three of them weren’t romantically involved—it was all casual and open. So far, fine.
But here’s the part that’s disturbing: My girlfriend once told this guy that she finds it arousing to watch people having sex. Sometime after, that guy blindfolded his FWB partner, had sex with her, and recorded her without her consent—and then showed that video to my girlfriend.
She told me she felt what he did was wrong, but despite knowing this, she stayed in touch with him for some time afterward. Even about a year ago, they had some casual conversations. I don’t think she approved of what he did, but the fact that she continued to engage with someone capable of violating someone’s consent like that—it’s been eating at me.
I’m struggling to process this. I know people have pasts. I’ve made mistakes too. But this crosses into something that just feels fundamentally wrong. And I don’t know how to stop it from affecting the way I look at her now.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
Personally I almost would have respected her more if she had a three way with both parties. The fact this was recorded non consensually, she watched, and continued with the guy is a bit more disturbing.
There really isn’t advice for feelings, despite the fact that people constantly post as if there is.
I think you know what you need to do.
if you cant get over it end it she told you in confidence and said she knew it was wrong and told you it carried on but I assume it also ended not to be that guy but people are far from perfect we all make mistakes and lots of us wont tend to tell others about them either
Do you need any more advice than that which you’re already giving yourself?