edit: **party, i messed up the title.
warning for possible sexual assault?? idk if this situation falls under that umbrella but it certainly has affected me in that way
last night, i was at my boyfriends 4th of july party. i got extremely drunk very fast, i was stumbling and completely unaware of what was happening around me. i went upstairs to throw up in the bathroom, but there was already someone in there. when he let me in to throw up, he came onto me. this is where i completely stop remembering everything besides about three seconds. i remember murmuring ‘no’ and ‘stop’, and then nothing else until my friend helped me walk downstairs because my mom came to pick me up. my boyfriend was passed out drunk somewhere else, which i was not aware of until this morning.
i’ve talked a lot with my mom today, and she’s been so understanding and has confirmed the fact to both me and him that i was in no state to give any type of consent. i’ve been extremely affected by this fact and feel so violated and disrespected. i understand my boyfriend being hurt and needing space right now, but its very hurtful that he refuses to believe me despite the fact that i have been completely honest about everything i can be, and have been trying so hard to be understanding to his point of view.
he’s extremely sleep deprived and has not been able to sleep today, and its still fresh so i can’t blame him for not being in a clear head, but i can’t stand the fact that he keeps saying that he won’t get back together with me because im a liar and a cheater. i don’t think i am, ive told nothing but the complete truth. i feel like i should just give him space and let him reach out first when he’s in a better place and more willing to listen? is there anyway possibility for reconciliation of some kind? i dont want him out of my life, my whole life revolved around him and his friends and i just feel so unsupported by every single person in this situation, especially because i feel extremely taken advantage of and have felt sick all day over the fact that something happened to me without my permission, i was barely conscious.
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Police? um rape kit?
Have you gone to the hospital to get checked? File police report?
You are a victim, plain and simple.
The fact he broke up with you over something you had zero control over says a lot to me.
As a woman, I think it’s important not to over indulge in alcohol. Always keep an eye on your drink, and if you’re not sure if the drink is safe, dump it and get a fresh one.
I’m sorry this happened, no one should experience that.
Please don’t listen to people telling you you have to go to police and report this if you don’t want to. People will tell you it’s your responsibility to do so and I’m here – as a SA worker – to tell you that your only responsibility is to your own wellbeing, whatever that looks like. I do encourage you to contact whatever sexual assault service is around where you live to get your options (for example I can do rape kits for people without them going to police in case they change their mind later).
As for your boyfriend – i understand it’s scary to feel like losing him is losing everything but someone who doesn’t support you and believe you is only going to make this harder for you, and you don’t deserve that
Did you have anything in your system before you started drinking, did you take any drugs or were you downing drinks fast? Because if not, it sounds like you were drugged.
You need to stop figuring out ways to reconcile with your boyfriend, or convince him you didn’t cheat and focus on how you feel. To process it, then start to heal.
At best you were sexually assaulted. At worst you were raped. The fact that your boyfriend is blaming you is absolutely vile, and should be showing you what a complete asshole he is. Stop begging him for crumbs, or making up excuses for his behavior.
It’s not ok or healthy to have your whole life revolve around one person. Especially someone who is treating you like he did. You need to find friends of your own, make a life independent of him or any guy. You deserve better than how your boyfriend is treating you. I wish you could see that.
It sounds like you can confide in your mom. What does she think of your boyfriend?