Recently became a father of another kid who is now 5 weeks old. I had 4 weeks of paternity where I spent most days looking after my first born toddler. I became her provider full-time, getting her ready for school, breakfast, drop off, pick up, dinner, bath and bedtime routine.
After putting her to sleep spend time with my wife and the new baby and do this all over again the next day. When weekends come, focus myself dedicatedly to my first born since morning so I can spend time with her, protect my wife from my active toddler as my wife has a big incision for delivering our 2nd baby.
Also make sure the toddler doesn’t jump or do something crazy with the new baby. I went back to work since last week and feel so many emotions. Feeling guilty for not spending time with my newborn, feeling guilty of maybe being strict to my first born in setting boundaries.
I also have to support my parents financially and emotionally, my siblings as well with my own family on top. My wife is breast feeding and I also took the task of washing her breast feeding parts, bottles to save us 300$ for an automatic bottle washer. If sometimes I forget to wash them my wife gets upset.
I feel like my whole existence is just to make people around me. Sometimes I feel what about me? Who is there to love me, and this feeling creeps in where I feel so sad and lonely. I also gifted myself a gift on upcoming fathers day as I felt I myself am important too. But I still cannot find time to use my new gift.
On top of that we are purchasing our first house, Ive to call the banks, fill out applications, do the grocery, put grocery in the fridge, pay bills, watch out for anything else what i am not doing. It just feels like I am just drowning and drowning and there is no one to just hold my hand and just hug me.
I know my wife delivered a baby and that is a miracle and she deserves all the attention of breastfeeding my newborn everytime. But i feel even on days when I am there its like now a part of my personality to just wakeup and make everyone happy. If i miss one thing, people get upset with me.
What to do? I know i vent alot, probably i am just venting. This adulthood is hard, sometimes i miss sitting in my parents basement, playing video games and having friends over.
I love my children to death and the life I have now where I am not broke. But emotionally I feel i am so weak now.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/OneWolverine307’s post (if available):
Recently became a father of another kid who is now 5 weeks old. I had 4 weeks of paternity where I spent most days looking after my first born toddler. I became her provider full-time, getting her ready for school, breakfast, drop off, pick up, dinner, bath and bedtime routine.
After putting her to sleep spend time with my wife and the new baby and do this all over again the next day. When weekends come, focus myself dedicatedly to my first born since morning so I can spend time with her, protect my wife from my active toddler as my wife has a big incision for delivering our 2nd baby.
Also make sure the toddler doesn’t jump or do something crazy with the new baby. I went back to work since last week and feel so many emotions. Feeling guilty for not spending time with my newborn, feeling guilty of maybe being strict to my first born in setting boundaries.
I also have to support my parents financially and emotionally, my siblings as well with my own family on top. My wife is breast feeding and I also took the task of washing her breast feeding parts, bottles to save us 300$ for an automatic bottle washer. If sometimes I forget to wash them my wife gets upset.
I feel like my whole existence is just to make people around me. Sometimes I feel what about me? Who is there to love me, and this feeling creeps in where I feel so sad and lonely. I also gifted myself a gift on upcoming fathers day as I felt I myself am important too. But I still cannot find time to use my new gift.
On top of that we are purchasing our first house, Ive to call the banks, fill out applications, do the grocery, put grocery in the fridge, pay bills, watch out for anything else what i am not doing. It just feels like I am just drowning and drowning and there is no one to just hold my hand and just hug me.
I know my wife delivered a baby and that is a miracle and she deserves all the attention of breastfeeding my newborn everytime. But i feel even on days when I am there its like now a part of my personality to just wakeup and make everyone happy. If i miss one thing, people get upset with me.
What to do? I know i vent alot, probably i am just venting. This adulthood is hard, sometimes i miss sitting in my parents basement, playing video games and having friends over.
I love my children to death and the life I have now where I am not broke. But emotionally I feel i am so weak now.
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Not to be glib, but generally radical acceptance, denial, or maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Not a dad here, but I wish I could give you a hug man. Talk to your wife and family about it. And start doing some kind of breathing exercise whether it’s meditation, yoga, or a stretch routine. Personally I just like timed stretching with controlled breathing. Once I had my routine down, I was able to just let go and focus on my body and breathing.
I hear you. 100%. I think what you are describing is what most of us would call “adulting sucks”. I’m sorry that you feel this way, but a big portion of adulthood for many of us is doing things for other people with little or no thanks. Here’s my suggestion – many moms I know make a tradition of “mom weekends” where they go away with other moms, leave the kids behind and just be… I dunno. I assume there’s a lot of wine involved. Normalize this for guys too. Schedule guy time with your friends. Do stupid shit. Make memories. Complain about how much adulting sucks. You need people to commiserate with.
I know the feeling.
You might consider looking up a study about the benefits of meditation.
You’re ’in the fog’ with that infant. Life will loosen up a little when the baby gets more independent.
It’s a heavy lift. Good thing you’re strong and wise.
Yeah, that’s literally just being a man. You just have to do it. You literally don’t have a choice other than letting your life fall apart and ruining the lives of the people who depend on you. This is, quite literally, just the default existence of being a man. You just do it.
a transar o maximo possivel bixo
June is mental health awareness month. I have no advice to add that wasn’t said but thank you for speaking out.
75 men unalive themselves every hour, it’s better to not suffer in silence and solitude. Many men know tot same struggle, we may not all be able to offer solutions but we cash offer companionship. You aren’t alone bro, this is the way of the man, for better or worse
Brother, I felt this in my bones. We’re expected to be the anchor, but nobody asks what it costs to never drift. I started weekly walks without a phone, just 30 minutes. Not a fix, but a beginning.
i know. sometimes i feel my entire life is around making sure my family is doing ok. making sure we are financially stable, the car is working, fixing anything around the house, etc. and when i’m not working, my job is to give my wife a break by looking after the kid. but i sometimes think, “where is my break?”
i know that’s not fair as looking after a kid at home is probably even harder than work. but just like you, a little more recognition would be nice i guess. it’s hard, man.
I think it’s good thing that you can make your loved ones feel happy. Just don’t lose yourself in that role.
You also deserve to get love and respect in return.
Hey friend, i understand what you mean. You know, your wife is probably feeling the exact same thing. Why don’t you open up and share it with her, you guys are in this together. It will be extremely helpful to each other knowing you are not along in feeling this way. From there discuss how you can each other make feel better, I believe a stronger bond will forge from this if some properly.