I (dad) usually go in my son’s (12) room at night once he’s gotten in bed before he goes to sleep and maybe talk a little or say good night.
One night he asks me “Dad, can we hang out some time?” I say of course. He says “just like the two of us?” I say sure. He says “but just like as friends and stuff?” I ask him what he means by that. He says “I don’t know. We could just hang out and talk and it just be chill and like not a big deal and stuff.” I say okay.
It kind of made me sad. How can I be a better friend to my son while still being “dad”?
Comments
I totally understand why this would initially make you sad, but I promise this is 95 percent likely to be a good thing. He feels comfortable around you. He doesn’t just see you as his dad that he has to respect, he sees you as a man he likes and admires and wants to spend his free time around. Of course you will always have to be his dad first and foremost. But being his friend is also an awesome thing you can do! Not many parents get this opportunity, where their kids want to spend time with him especially as they get older. Take advantage of it 🙂 and congrats on being such a cool dad
The fact that your son wants to hang out ‘as friends’ means you’ve already won half the battle, he wants your presence, not just your authority. Don’t be sad. Be proud. That’s love asking to be known in its own language.
Just go hang out. Go do something just you and him.
Don’t be sad – you taught him to communicate well. He wants to spend quality time 1:1 with you, so schedule some dedicated time doing something you both would like. Playing a board game, cards, biking, outdoor stuff , just go to lunch somewhere who knows what you guys would like. A time where you are not busy working or on phone , just be together and do something nice together once a week at least. A time where not too much activity , where there is space to talk. Going for a walk is also nice for that. Can be simple. Think of something you like to do, and bring him with you also.
I don’t think you need to be sad about this. It’s okay to “take off your dad hat” from time to time, as long as you can put it back on when needed.
I’m guessing life has been really busy lately and most of your interactions with him have been “parenting” and he wants to connect with you socially more? It’s cool that a 12 year old is a good enough communicator to express this.
Sounds like he needs somebody to confide in. IMO you put your dad duties aside and change the strategy a bit. Go out with him and grab some food or play a game of some sort. Tell him that honesty is key and he can tell you anything. Of course you need to follow through with being ready to not freak out
Go spend time with him, maybe do a couple of things that might not be completely sensible.
Enjoy it for the year it might last
Dad is a job title.
He wants some time off the clock, where you are just two people.
He may have something on his mind that he needs to talk about. But with you not with his “dad”
See the difference.
this should make you happy.
go do something mildly scandalous – get icecream for breakfast – go play laser tag watch a pg13 movie.
you def wont get this question in 2-4 years and then for another 8 at least
There’s something important he wants to talk to you about and he’s needing you to not overreact as a parent.
This is lovely. Your son loves you. This is a good thing.
I told my son when he was young I wanna be his father and his friend, but he needs to understand if I ever had to choose between the two father would come first
Just be there, you’re already his dad dummy.
That’s actually super sweet, dude just wants some quality time without it being a whole “dad talk.” Just chill with him, maybe play a game, watch a show he likes, grab some snacks. Be there without making it a big “parenting moment” every time.
My son is 21 and we still hang out. Just listen to him, give advice if he needs, keep his secrets between you and him, he will tell his mother things that you won’t know about. Keep that trust always. No judgements on anything he tells you. And don’t show anger, only love. You got this!
I think he is trying to set up a time that he wants to talk to you about something he is going thru…..he doesn’t want to talk to his dad about it….but wants to talk to a friend about it……if this is the case….support him in WHATEVER he says in the moment….you can then work on it later but the thing he needs at the moment is understanding and support