my daughter, 17, just told me that my son, 8, told her that his friend, 8male, was molesting him. my son doesn’t understand what any of that is, he’s never been exposed to porn or anything sexual. so he didn’t know what was happening.
i don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post this but i need advice. i dont know how to move forward with this situation. i’m worried that his friends parents will blame my son, as they have done in the past with other things. (toys broken, snacks taken, etc.)
last night, my son, daughter and her boyfriend were having a campfire together, and my son said something that confused the older kids. he said “(friends name) said he wanted to lick (other friend)’a body all over.” my daughter said “what do you mean?” as this is already confusing. he repeated himself and said that his friend wanted to be “gay” with his other friend, who is a girl. my daughter asked him if he knew what “gay” meant and he thought it meant “inappropriate.” she went on to explain that it didn’t mean that, but pressed into what else his friend had said.
apparently his friend made him watch porn, and my son said he was uncomfortable, he described it as making him feel “sad” and “scared”. he also went on to say that his friend liked to be “gay” with his sister, 5y/o. again my daughter corrected him on what gay meant. he said that his friend and his sister would do the things they saw in the videos.
my daughter and her boyfriend were already horrified at what my son had told them, but it only got worse.
his friend had molested him. a couple times. my daughter asked him if his friend had touched him inappropriately, and asked if he touched his “down there”, and to her horror he said yes. his friend made him. if wasn’t the first time. he said his friend and a couple others, threatened to stab my son if he didn’t participate in what they were doing. that if he didn’t let them touch him that they would beat him up.
i’m so heartbroken. i don’t know what to do. i talked to my sons father about the issue but he doesn’t know what to say either. my daughter had similar things happen to her a few years ago and i know she still struggles with the thought of it. the way she handled the situation with her brother telling her what happened was amazing. she took it so well. she plans to be a therapist and i know she will do amazing. this is just a step into that.
anyways, what should i do? should i confront the parents? the child? my daughter wants to slap the kid but im worried that she could get charged for it. she’s still a minor but i don’t know the laws on that. im not gonna lay hands on a soul. i just don’t know what i should do. i’m worried the parents of my sons friend will blame my son. but i’m also worried that my sons friend has been molested. how else would he know about that? my son said that his friends parents didn’t know, because his friend would get in trouble if they found out what they were doing together.
my daughter is worried that her brother will be upset that she told me, but i’m glad she did. she’s worried that if anything were to happen again that he would be scared of telling her or anyone else in fear of getting in trouble. she told him he wasnt in trouble, and how proud she was of him for telling her what happened and for trying to stick up for himself with his friends. and how it is a bad thing for his friends to do that, and he can’t play with them anymore. she wants to know how to tell him that she told me without upsetting him. what should she say?
any advice? should i talk to the parents? what should my daughter say to her brother? what should i do? how do i talk to my son about this?
Comments
File a police report. Give them all of this information. Usually children are learning it from previously being molested or learning it from friends who have or friends who know WAY too much to be under 15 years old.
Police report, and teach your son about good touch bad touch. You don’t need to get into super gritty details, but “anything covered by clothes is private. If someone touches you there, or on your mouth, tell me (or another trusted adult) right away” is generally enough.
It’s also important both for safety and general health, for him to know he has a penis and that only an established list of trusted adults can touch it in established contexts such as cleaning or medical emergencies, otherwise it absolutely is private.
An 8 year old molesting another kid is a sign of probable sexual abuse. Report it to the proper authorities.
8 ? I mean at the age he probably got it from somewhere
Maybe speak to the school as well, teachers are pretty vigilant to this kind of thing and may be in a better position to advise or at least monitor
Get him in therapy asap as someone who was molested by my brother growing up was exposed to porn at a young age became hypersexual wasn’t allowed to talk about what happened to me and seen male relative naked he needs help and always be there to listen to him if u don’t help him now it will get way worse and he might not have flashbacks soon but years later it will come back and it will be so bad sometimes it can be paralyzing sometimes it last for a few days weeks even make sure you get him as much support as he can and restrict screen time monitor what he watch from now on bc now he’s sexuality is open up and he might start to watch porn and jerk off im telling u this from experience now ive all typed of mental problems and health issues at 19 bc how bad my childhood was
Something similar happened to me as a kid. My biggest suggestion is 1. Go to the police. The child who perpetrated learned it from someone, possibly an adult. 2. Educate your son on correct body part names , functions, etc.
3. Talk to him, without shame.
4. THERAPY.
Police report. And, Im pretty sure you already know this, don’t let your son hang out with that kid again.
The fact that the child is also doing it to his own sister is a hugeee red flag, I mean, she’s also going to be traumatized by this.
There’s a risk that the child is being molested himself as well, since he must have learned what all of these things are from somewhere.
You didn’t say a lot about the kid’s family but I’d suggest to report to the CPS as well, since it could be someone from his own family that have encouraged his behavior and taught him all of this.
I don’t know the family but the fact that an 8 year old knows what porn is and is doing that to his 5 year old sister is extremely disturbing.
Obviously no one had taught this kid that what he’s doing is inappropriate and he’s too young to know that its wrong most likely.
So yea, police report plus CPS report as well if you suspect that his family might be behind his knowledge of all of this stuff.