I am looking for clarity on if my thoughts are irrational regarding my ILs/extended family, or if, in fact, IATA.
TL:DR – do we have to say yes to my ILs taking us away for the weekend even if we really feel like the destination doesn’t work for us?
Background: Husband has 2 brothers, they are all very close, it has always been a priority to spend holidays, some vacation time together every year, be in each other’s lives. The younger brother is single and lives abroad, the older brother lives about an hour away and has kids staggered with my kids (Cousins range in age from 10-14, 3 boys/1 girl (the oldest). We all spend at least a week together at my ILs warm weather house Christmas break, and since the kids were little, we’ve done a long weekend in the summer. The long summer weekend has fallen off as the kids have gotten busier and we’ve each wanted to take longer individual family vacations. Last year, we treated my ILs to a long fall weekend at an all inclusive resort with a water park to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
This year, they want to do a similar fall weekend, they suggested a mostly adult hotel in a European beach destination in the off season so that the abroad brother could join us. DH and I said this didn’t work for us, because the time was not long enough to go to Europe and acclimate to the time change, it didn’t seem like it would be a good destination for kids, and we didn’t want to pull our daughter out of a day of her freshman year of high school. MIL moved on from that and is now suggesting a family hotel in driving distance of us (forget the europe brother), but made a reservation and WE HAVE TO LET HER KNOW BY TODAY if we should cancel it or keep it. We’ve been to this place before when the kids were all very little, in the summer, and we’re not sure if it really seems like the right place in the fall for tween/teenage kids. But DH and I don’t want to be the only ones with these opinions. His older brother is generally game to do whatever and doesn’t really over analyze the way we do.
If we say no, his parents won’t go with just the game brother, it’s all or nothing. We’re not really allowed to have an opinion because they’re treating, but they also won’t let us contribute $, which we can do. (And $ is not really the issue). DH feels really torn, but I just feel sort of bullied by my MIL right now.
Comments
“Sorry we need more time to decide. Giving us until today doesn’t work for us. We have to check our schedules at work to make sure there aren’t any big projects and check all the kids schedules to make sure no other activities overlap.” NAH
Sometimes you gotta reserve these things quickly to ensure that you’re able to get a spot at all, so I wouldn’t assume your MIL is bullying you here unless she has a history of that type of behaviour. She gave you guys the option of either confirming the reso or canceling it, so if you would prefer to cancel, then just ask her to cancel it but thank her for her effort in trying to organise something anyway.
You’re always allowed to have an opinion. That being said, did you offer an alternative location for a trip or are you just saying no to all of their suggestions? It sounds like she’s trying to make this convenient for you and you’re not really giving any input.
It’s probably because she already booked and you can usually cancel within 24 hours of booking without penalty.
Do you think ILs will be able to continue to travel for many years to come?
I mean you need to sit down and have a conversation with your husband about how you don’t want to both of your vacation times with your in-laws. The summer one is fine because you go to Florida but you don’t want to spend your fall vacation time with them.