Spouse getting more upset that I’m closed off to him and not giving him enough physical touch. 3 kids, 1 very high needs baby that does NOT sleep (I have to lay with him all night and during naps so there does 9-7am and 2-3 hours during the day.
I am very touched out, and my hormones are whack. I don’t want sex and physical touch with him 99% of the time results in sex( because he’s male he says and I’m so hot he just can’t touch me without pursuing further). I’ve been very depressed lately and consumed with that, I’ve started counselling for it. I don’t let anyone know tho and continue on bc I don’t want to bother anyone…and I will deal with it alone like I always have. With that said, I still give him sex at least once a week with a hand job or whatever in between, so Bare minimum 2 times a week, usually 3.
His main complaint which has been a lot recently is that I don’t acknowledge him, or initiate physical touch. I do not usually initiate physical touch, mostly bc I’m busy doing household shit, or picking up a baby that is crying 24/7. I don’t like physical touch to begin with, then you add on the fact he’s going to turn it into sex, that I don’t want and ya. It’s a turn off, so I avoid it. However, we do talk a lot during the day and interact that way. I would say the physical touch is lacking but socially we are there and engaged.
Am I wrong to think he’s being selfish and throwing a tantrum? Like bro, I have three other young kids to tend for. I don’t sleep ever. I’m stressed always. I’m always doing something. I feel like I don’t even have time to meet the older kids needs, nevermind anyone else. Idk. Thoughts?
TL;DR – spouse freaking out due to lack of physical affection on my part.
Comments
He’s upset and trying to voice his needs. Explain exactly what you said, but probably a little nicer. Just tell him that you’re overwhelmed with everything and understand his needs aren’t being met and if he could help you, maybe you’d be a little less overwhelmed with everything.
As a mum of 4 i typed a whole ass essay out for you, based on my experience but you know what? FUCK MEN.
First off, your body belongs to you and only you, he is not entitled to it. “I’m a male” is not an excuse to demand sex from his wife who is clearly overworked and exhausted.
I always say that if a person can only show intimacy physically, they aren’t truly showing it. He has no idea what it’s like to be the primary parent, have kids constantly needing you and touching you, leaving you to just want some space to yourself. My ex husband was like yours and expected sex constantly and eventually I felt like my body didn’t even belong to me.
Honestly, tell him you just don’t want to. He’s supposed to care about your feelings and he’s not respecting you if he’s able to ask for sex knowing you don’t feel like it. Also, please seek support for your depression. You absolutely deserve help and someone to talk to about how you feel.
You need to start taking about your depression. It won’t go away on its own.
See your doctor. Tell your husband. Tell your bestie, your mom, his mom, literally everyone, that you need help.
If your husband doesn’t care, hopefully one of the others will.
My husband and I are physically intimate/ touch/cuddle with each other every day without it turning into sex, and we have sex much less than you and your partner even though we have no kids. This is a problem with your partner not understanding what it’s like for you and not contributing as much to caring for the kids/ the household as he should be.
So you have 4 young children and one man baby! You are doing a lot to keep him happy already. Sit him down and tell him that you love him, and you need him to help with the kids and be understanding of your exhaustion, etc. And remind him that the baby will not be a baby forever. If he keeps complaining, it will definitely feel like forever.
You should not be “giving him sex” if you’re not in the mood. Thats pretty much coerced sex imo, and I say this as a girl who’s been there too. I’m sorry. I know this is harsh. But it is true. You have the right to not ever want to have sex anymore and he should respect you. The fact that he keeps insisting reads as him not respecting your boundaries, and worse, the fact that he doesn’t seem to acknowledge your stress and sleep deprivation is appalling. You need to have a conversation with him about this and depression. And bring this up on therapy too. 💜
I’ll tell you this from a man’s pov. Because the ladies aren’t giving you viable info. You’re not wrong for the way you feel, hell it’s expected after a few kids and not actively going through the positive steps to get your mind right afterwards. However, if you guys are married, in the back of his mind theres an insecurity caused from you giving your partner the cold shoulder with intimacy and that is communicated as anger.( not healthy) Life is hard enough, you two don’t need to be difficult with each other. He, on his part, also has to understand that the mood is set by actions. Help with the kids more, send you out for a weekend of pampering so you can get yourself and your emotions together. Y’all are a team, work it out. Also, my mama always told me “closed mouths don’t get fed, take him to the side and explain how you feel without getting upset. Hopefully you two can get some alone time so it’ll be easier