About 5 years ago, I was raped by someone I loved and trusted. I said no, I cried, and I even tried to leave, but he told me I was “killing the mood” and wouldn’t let me go until he finished inside me. I froze and prayed for it to be over.
After that, I cut him off for 2 years. Eventually, he reached out with an apology, and for some reason I forgave him. Since then, we’ve been in and out of contact. Recently we’ve even seen each other, but the sex has always felt empty — no foreplay, no care, just him getting what he wants. I’ve cried after, sometimes even during, and he doesn’t notice.
I feel torn because I still care about him. He’s going through a lot — unemployed, grieving, family problems — and I’ve tried to support him financially and emotionally. But deep down, I know he’s manipulative and self-centered, and I always feel like my needs don’t matter.
I hate that I still love him after everything he’s done. I feel guilty for wanting to walk away, like I’m abandoning him when he needs someone. But at the same time, I feel broken every time I stay.
I guess I just need to know… has anyone else forgiven the person who assaulted them, only to get pulled back into their life later? How did you finally let go? How do you stop feeling like you’re the selfish one for choosing yourself?
Comments
i think it would be best for you to cut him off completely, he doesn’t deserve the kindness u show him. He knows he can manipulate you and will continue to do so. Please save ur money and get professional help. reporting what happened to the police might also help. its worth a try but be prepared for them to dismiss you. Im sorry youre going through this ❤️
Is it Stockholm, or do you feel like in a clear mind you still feel that way? You sound like a good human, so messed up he wasn’t a good human to you in return 💔
He sounds like he’s not changing at all, is he even getting worse?
At least you know that letting go is the way. I’m so sorry you are stuck in a sexually traumatizing situation even today. You are precious and a man’s pain is not the right reason to put out, you are more than simple comfort you are a lovable precious person. Please walk away, you are blessed not to feel the hatred some may have to travel through in your situation. Please leave as soon as possible, he is not the one.
If that person proved themselves to be capable of harming you in such a traumatic way, then perhaps it’s not a good idea to trust them. Ultimately it’s your decision though
He doesn’t care about your pleasure or needs or boundaries. He doesn’t respect you and never did.
Wow what a winner! He’s unemployed, has family problems AND has SA’ed you??? Why are you still there 5 years later? Is he the last man on earth and I just wasn’t notified?
What exactly do you think is going to change in your brain to make you forgive this person who continues to abuse you? If you don’t like it and you don’t like the way he makes you feel… you don’t love him actually. You just have a weird trauma bond.
Let him go. You’ll feel better.
It’s sad that you care more about him than you care about yourself.
Join r/codependency, you can get through this. Dump the guy hard and focus on your own journey for a bit. He’s not worth it and you have value where he devalues your worth as a person. He is also just using you for sex, and you care too much about him where it’s not returned.
You need to stop thinking about and him and think you love him and please start loving yourself and get into a healthy relationship once you do some healing. He violated you and that will never change he doesn’t deserve all of that you do for him. Please put yourself first.
I’m sorry you’ve been through so much. It may feel like it is difficult to walk away but unless you take the first step, it will always be so. For your own safety, sanity and well being you need to. You may feel like you love him but you do not, you love the idea of being in love.
The real person who would keep you safe and treat you right is out there. It’s on you to move out of this toxicity and give that person a chance. Please find thr courage to take the first step.
I could tell you just to cut him off but it’s never that easy loving somebody that has damaged you in such a way it’s a difficult
I still love the person that SA me it’s been a year and half
I thought that I’ve forgave him but truth be told I haven’t. I wish I had an answer for you, I wish I had one for myself. I feel like I’m punishing myself for continuing to love someone who treated me like garbage. Just wanted to let you know that your not the only one.
You lost me at I forgave him somehow.
You will get over him. Leave now or you will just suffer longer. You can be stronger in the end.
You need to cut him off completely and seek counseling. This is a very bad situation you are describing. If you don’t stop it now, it will get worse.
First, you need to run like hell. Second, you need to find a good therapist so you can figure out why you allow yourself to be a doormat to an obviously hostile individual.