AITAH?
(Background) I (25M) She (25F). She lives with her mom 30 mins away.
(Story) We started dating late January 2022. At that time she had a car and 2 jobs. Everything was fine until a year later, her car got repossessed. She downgraded to one job. Since then, I mostly pick her up from work. If not then her mother or Uber/Lyft. Everything we do I pay majority of the entertainment, food and even when we travel. I instructed her to save money and start building her credit so that she can get back on her feet. I told her how she can build her credit because I have great credit. I have sent helpful tik toks that’ll work and even reconstructed her resume.
- there was a period where we looked at cars at one place and we also send each other online links to cars.
Summer 2024 I bought me a car to replace my car #2.(another story) She didn’t drive it for long because my car #1 (main) ended up being a comprehensive loss. So now I’m stuck driving car #2 as my main and still picking her up.
November 2024 I bought another car to use as my main and I let her drive car #2. All she had to pay for is gas. I had the maintenance/service, insurance and taxes covered.
Summer 2025 I started charging $150 to really put it on the side for her, I told her it’s for insurance. Fast forward to August 2025, she get into an accident with car #2.(not at fault) Few days go by she’s fully recovered and back to working I asked how much she had saved, and she tells me almost 1k. I became mentally exhausted after hearing that.
Days go by and that’s all that’s been on my mind, so I asked her how’s the car shopping and she says she hasn’t found anything yet. Long conversation short she tells me if she doesn’t ask for rides, don’t pick her up and she doesn’t want anymore inconveniences for me. She’s still scared to drive but still looking and car coming up soon. It’s been a week and she’s been taking Lyft home after work. I feel lowkey bad, AITA?
Comments
You’re not the asshole. You’ve done a lot to help and it’s fair to set boundaries and let her handle her own transportation
1k isn’t bad savings for a car depending on ur area she can find a beater on market place, nta I would be burnt out
She should’ve saved up more in that time it was serious about it. You made it easy for her where she didn’t have to so no. I don’t think you’re the ahole
NTA You’ve been a great boyfriend I’m surprised you haven’t been tempted to trade her in.Cant she finance a car she’s got enough for down payment.She has got to put her money into buying a car instead of clothes makeup or whatever.BTW you’re not her personal ATM!
NTA she is an adult. Is she paying bills at her moms or is she just blowing her money? Kinda sounds like you are dating a dependent and not a partner if you are cool with that except it and keep going if not you are gonna have to make some changes.
She has no ambition and is using you to make her life better.
NTA, you have helped enough. You were a great boyfriend even though you have not been together for long and you still choose to help out. You should have an honest conversation with her but I do believe she will take it as an attack so think about how you will be wording it. But then again you will see who is going to bear the financial burden in this relationship if you decide to stay with her.
Well, yes, you might be TAH.
If she can’t afford a car with two jobs, she is not making a lot of money. She really struggled to save that $1000 and you’ve made light of that struggle. She struggled to pay you the $150 you started charging earlier in the summer for driving your second car. Sending her tiktoks and picking on her resume aren’t helpful as you intend – they’re reminders you think she’s stupid. The repossession has ruined her credit for another six years. Anything she can buy outright will be something she will die in when a huge SUV hits her (which are the majority of cars sold now).
She might not want your help because something about how you deliver it makes her feel worse than spending half the money she just made on Lyft.
How much did you put aside for her from the $150 you were charging?
NTA. She’s using you. Time for her to put on the big girl panties and act like an adult.
This a charity case loss
NTA for no longer giving her rides, but personally, I think you’re never going to turn her into a good money manager.
Are there no public transportation where you live? Why does she keep taking uber/lyft? Those can get pricey.
If she couldn’t afford her car with 2 jobs she needs to go back to school and get a license/certification/whatever for something that she can get a better paying job for. Either that or she needs financial literacy classes at the local adult school/community college.
NTA but you could still pick her up once in a while.
I don’t think you’re the ahole. I think she needs to step it up. That’s really taxing to be the one providing most everything in a relationship. Maybe that isn’t totally the case but it feels very heavy sided
You’re beating your head on the wall trying to get financial sense into this one. I fear you are wasting your time. She hasn’t shown any signs of learning or changing her behavior.
So you are dating a poor person…and you think you can talk her out of being poor? Are you sending her boss tik toks on how to pay her a living wage? Obviously if she couldn’t pay her bills with 2 jobs reducing it down to 1 is going to make her even more broke. I’m not even sure she could get a used car yet…maybe a new car. It’s really iffy with a repo on file.
Now she has a fear of driving because of a no fault accident…and you have an issue with that? You get she’s a human being with feelings right?
Bro you started charging her months after telling her all she had to pay was gas? That’s a Bi** move bro. It’s not your responsibility to provide her a vehicle either obviously. But you don’t tell somebody something and then months later change your mind that’s just a Shi thing to do. YNTA but you are kinda a liar and crappy bf.
lol sounds like youre addicted to rescuing. Why are you breaking your back for this situation?
NTA. She got dependent on your car #2, that’s why she hasn’t saved more than 1k. I have bills on my bills, so I can pay while I’m paying, but even I can scrounge $100 a month if I need to.
Sorry, but AITAH for what? You never specified. Did you in fact stop picking her up? Or are you letting her use a car? The real question is are you her boyfriend or her father, because you sound more like her father. that isn’t a good thing.
Hey OP, how many more years are ya gonna waste on her?
That she’s this way is on her…
That you’re still with her is on you…
Now, I AM glad you tried and you have tried.
It was good that you did, I would have too.
But you can’t keep doing the same things and expecting different results.
You’ve tried long enough, tis time to call it.
Totally nta.
I dont get how she how she had two jobs and got a car repoed. I mean, thats just horrible money management, either by getting more than she could afford, or not keeping track of monthly expenses
How do you jackasses fall for this slop? Just look at OPs replies my goodness.
if you don’t like how she handles her finances, this could be a make or break for your relationship. you have to be clear about you expect from her as a partner going forward and if she can’t face that or comply you shouldn’t keep pursuing this