I’m the only woman left in my college friend group (long story… lots of breakups). To be honest, a factor contributing to my desire to hang out with them less is the way they plan (or rather don’t) hangouts.
Basically the most “alpha” guy determines all the plans. We are in NYC but everyone lives in diff boroughs/neighborhoods and our “top guy” will make a reservation for an hour in advance in his neighborhood and tell everyone to make it. No one is ever on time, he always gets the final word, and it’s always conveniently in his hood.
All the other guys frankly are sycophants and Im sick of it. They just say yes. I will make suggestions that they will acknowledge but then this guy ultimately gets all say.
Curious in other male friend groups, how do you organize plans?
Comments
I usually make all the plans in my friend groups. Not by choice… just that nobody else wants to. I think nobody else wants to weight of the plans being on them if it turns out to not be fun or what have you.
Make plans and see who shows up
Offer a meet up whether it’s hangout, activity or pub. See who says yeah go on then
Usually someone suggests something and everyone who can make it comes out. Often it’s at someone’s house. When we’re out decisions are made mostly consensus-based, but we’ll give slight preference to whoever organized/made it happen.
On the face of it this friend group dynamic sounds off-putting to me, but who knows maybe it’s something that works for them and they have fun with it.
Try organizing something and run it the way you want. Instead of just suggesting, present it as a done deal that’s happening regardless, and you’re inviting them to join. If they keep flipping the script on you and disregarding the way you’d like to run the show, maybe it’s time to start hanging out with new people.