Do you prefer paying? Do you prefer a 50-50 split? Or do you prefer that whoever plans the date pays for the date?
Also, would you like it if a woman treated you on the first date?
Straight men, how do you feel about paying on the first date?
r/AskMen
Comments
On the first date I always pay.
I refuse to pay for anything anymore. I wont even share a drink with them.
Sure, she can “treat me”, but I would wonder what she was getting at. I would keep my wits about me.
Edit: context
I don’t think anyone prefers paying for someone they’re meeting for the first time. But someone has to and as a straight male if you don’t, any chances you might have had will be dashed.
50-50
I’m paying, I don’t mind
> Also, would you like it if a woman treated you on the first date?
What do you mean whit that?
Whoever asks for the date pays. That’s how I’ve done it forever now.
on a first date? whoever asks pays.
on a second date? depends on the vibe. if i’m not feeling it, i’ll pay for the whole thing and let her know a few days later/when it’s appropriate, that i’m not interested. if i’m interested, i’ll suggest halfsies. if i catch a hint of ‘i was looking for a free meal’, i’ll pay for the whole thing and end it
on a third date? we can trade off or do halfsies after that point.
I’ll pay for the first date. I’ll pay for every date if she deserves it.
If I feel like she doesn’t deserve it, we probably won’t be dating much longer.
I’m 32 I was raised that a man pays for the first date now it seems to be a 50/50 split but when I go out with a date I always pay no biggie second date they’ll offer I take it as a green flag
50-50 , both people pay for whatever they ordered.
>Do you prefer paying?
no one prefers paying for ungrateful people. (yes, most women are ungrateful for it)
>Or do you prefer that whoever plans the date pays for the date?
you mean men? 99,99% it’s men that have to plan dates.
>Do you prefer a 50-50 split?
that’d would be fair, but not an option if a man actually wants something from his date.
definitely the option everyone should choose if they already know that there won’t be a 2nd date.
“A woman that can be bought isn’t worth having.”
Wilson Fisk
I like to pay for the first date because I was the one who asked. Sometimes if we get dessert or something after the main meal and they want to pay, I accept it.
It has never happened to me but I would like to have the opposite experience, sounds nice lol
Pay
Was not an issue before but people are just there for timepass now. Highly doubt I’ll pay now.
Personally I(40m) hold the belief that whoever proposes/organises a date is responsible for the bill, however, the genuine gesture of splitting/contributing to the bill (wether it’s 50/50 or 70/30) is very much apreciated. If the lady insists on footing the bill then i’m completely fine with that, same as it would be the other way around.
But i’m not dating, haven’t dated in ages, nor am i actively planning to be, so i’m not sure how relevant my opinion is in the matter.
I was raised to pay, I would feel odd with not paying. 50/50 seems to be standard now.
it depends on how the date went. If I vibed with her well and know that there will a second date, I wouldn’t mind but I insist on paying. however, If I don’t feel that connection then no, I prefer 50/50 as it will be the last time we’ll see each other.
I do well for myself, I pay.
But if there isn’t an offer of paying their half then there’s no second date
First date, asker to pay. Follow-ups, pay your share or roughly take turns footing the bill. I cbf keeping a ledger, so gut feeling is good enough
i always pay , i also loves it when she plans something
Dutch system….
I don’t mind paying on the first date
Doesn’t bother me at all
Pay your part on the first date. We’re still strangers.
If she offered to pay full, I’d decline and pay my part, with the offer to take turns on future dates.
I always paid. The one exception was on my first date with my wife, who grabbed the bill whilst I was in the toilet.
My personal rule is that I expect that for the first date, whoever asks, takes the responsibility. If I ask, I assume responsibility for arranging the date and, where necessary, paying. If she asks, then it’s in her court.
I will avoid big expenses though, if it’s up to me, like dinner. I will suggest coffee, ice cream (I’ve no qualms about buying), drinks (we both buy rounds).
If, for some reason, we do end up having dinner, I’ll pay if I asked her out but huge kudos to her if she offers to pay/split the bill. I’m more than happy to split the bill.
Always pay for the date if you asked her out.
I prefer paying. I take care of everything and I go out of my way to be a gentleman
On the other hand I absolutely DO expect
Lol so I always pay for a date, but if she has indicated that she feels entitled to my money that’s an immediate red flag and I go 50/50.
It’s one of those subtle cues, like how they treat the wait staff, that I use to gauge whether a second date is in the books.
I like paying, personally, but I hate dating people who feel endless entitled to my money and labor. I want a partner, not a daughter.
Depends on how the date goes, if she’s nice and it goes well, I don’t mind paying at all. If she turns out to be an impolite, entitled racist, she will be paying for herself.
A scenario in which men cant win…. here’s why?
You pay and the women then ghosts you (they’ve gained a free meal and you lost money)
The women doesnt owe you anything so if she doesnt want another date thats fine but to ghost you, rather than tell you is just completely disrespectful.
You say 50/50 I can almost guarantee there won’t be a 2nd date 😂😂! As while we have equality men and women still both have some expectations of what each gender should do.
You let them pay (99% will never happen/be offered) but if you say for them to pay or let them then youd be instantly blocked/ghosted as alot of women still want the bloke to pay.
I think its very hard to date as a man these days as we recieve hate no matter what we do! Its constant and becoming a trend.
i would pay drinks or minor snacks if i ended up dating i already got to know as friends previously, not full dinner
if i dont know them well i pay for my own stuff only
i never have been in a situation where i got asked to pay for their stuff tho!
I would have liked to have paid, but on the first date with my wife, she said “ill be back soon”, than later i said, “I’ll pay,” but didn’t know she already had.
We’ve been married almost 11 years.
But to answer your question, I felt like there wasn’t anything I could do about it, so there was no point in worrying.
I definitely think that men should at least offer and be willing to pay on the first half dozen or so dates, but be willing to accept a 50/50 concession if the woman is uncomfortable with that.
Men love providing for women, and women love being provided for, so it works out really well.
If I ask out a woman, with a specific location and time like a traditional date, I feel like I should pay. I am courting her. This is usually if I didn’t know her prior.
Usually my dates occur because we sort already know each other and she’s interested and I just ask her to hangout, then I expect her to split 50/50. We were courting each other so to speak.
So its the context
I don’t mind paying but I like it if she offers to pay for her meal although I won’t accept it
I don’t mind paying but it has to feel like it’s Worth it, did I enjoy the date and is that worth the money I would be spending
I always intend to pay and will pay. But I like to leave an opening for the woman to offer to split or something. As if they do it tells you about their character.
Someone willing to split or pay usually has some good qualities. Can be grounded or balanced let’s say.
But someone who fully expects you to pay for everything and has zero intention of paying + they’re testing you to see if you will pay. You can tell a lot about their mentality.
On a first date you’re looking to build a picture of what it will be like to meet this person multiple times. Id rather spoil someone who deserves it then someone who thinks they’re entitled to it.
I was raised in a traditional way of doing things. But after dating, women seem like this are not really worth paying for. But I still pay to keep things simple but we aren’t going anywhere nice.
I mean.. I asked you out, to join me here at this place. So I’ll pay.
When I was single I always paid on the first date. I had no issue with paying, however I always looked for them to offer to split. Wouldn’t take them up on it but it was the gesture that counted. Then by at least the 4th date they should cover something.
If the date is going well and we have chemistry, I don’t mind paying. If it’s not going well or it’s clear we’re not a match, 50-50 is the way to go.
You get Wendy’s, and you get Wendy’s!
Always 50 50.
Why would I pay for a woman who I don’t even know. I don’t owe her anything.
Any girl who doesn’t do that will not be dating me.
If im out to dinner with a woman, I already know she is worth my time and I would gladly pay for her dinner.
If she would be there just for a free dinner and some drinks, she can pay herself.
This does not mean I hope for goodtimes after, it means I want a lady that can hold a conversation, thats interesting and makes the everning a fun one to remember.
Quality over quantity.
If I like her and I liked the date, I pay (“you can pay next time we go out”). If I didn’t like it, we split the bill
I always shouted the first date, call it old fashioned but set the tone for the afternoon/evening ..
First date I prefer to pay, not out of some affront to my masculinity or something, but just cause there’s a 99% chance I want to treat her.
Are all of ya’ll really accepting and going on so many iffy dates?
Plus, it is an opportunity to see how grateful she is. Not looking for gushing, just a thank you.
Any dates after rather than 50/50 I’d prefer more of “aw thanks, I’ll get the next one”
Guys (from equal opportunity countries) we need to raise the bar one date at a time, by splitting the bill we’ll create a future where this problem no longer exists for our sons and grandsons. For our boys.
I’ll pay , but on a few conditions
First date isn’t something expensive
If date extends somewhere else, we split ( doesn’t have to be 50-50)
Common courtesy & traditional.
A first date should be a coffee & talking anyway. Make sure you actually like the other person & get on.
No sense in going all out & spending £££s if you discover you don’t share similar interests, beliefs & are exact opposites.
I went on many dates, some good, some bad, before I met and years later, married my wife. One thing that was a GOOD indicator of a decent person is if they offered to pay for drinks or their food. I had been on dates, and they just took the free food, the free drinks.
My wife, on our first date, when I went to buy another round, went up and said, “No, you bought the last one, it’s my go..”
Then future dates, we took turns paying for the meal. 15 years later, we are still together and have been married for 12.
You are NOT a cash cow, and they are NOT prostitutes, you shouldn’t have to pay someone to spend time just talking with you?!? You are worth more; you are worth respect.
I don’t mind. A first date isn’t going to be at a place that is going to run me hundreds of dollars. I’m fortunate enough to have enough money to fork out $50 extra for someone else’s meal.
If I invite someone to go out I expect to pay for it. If they want to cover their half then that’s just an added bonus. When I was dating I respected the women who insisted on paying their half. It’s been a few years though. Now I’m engaged and I pay for everything because my partner supplies our housing and is planning g our wedding while I work.
If I asked her out, then I assume I’m paying. If the time is pleasant then I never mind – if its a bust then I’m not happy but it’s ultimately whatever.
I usually pick something low stakes for first date to keep financial buy in minimal. If she offers to go 50-50 or pay then I view it as a green flag.
I don’t mind it paying, but I like it if she at least offers to contribute, most times I’ll decline but her reaching for her wallet at least is the polite thing. if she wants 50 50 that’s fine too, I know some women don’t feel comfortable taking a meal on a first date so I never bother doing that “no, no you put that away, no I got this, no no I’ll pay I insist” crap. Something I used to try when cash was still real, if the bill was like say, $85 I’d pull out 2 50’s and a 20 and be like “hey you got 15 on you so I don’t have to break a 50?” I might also do the “hey if I get the movie tickets do you wanna get the popcorn?” I caught several dates out who showed up totally broke so they would have expected that of course I pay for everything which is pretty fuckin rude. I remember once going to the bathroom and paying on my way back, where we were sitting she wouldn’t have known or seen, sat down and chatted another 10 mins and the lady was like cool let’s go, and she just got her shit together and started walking out, I said I got the bill earlier as she was near the door and she said “well yeah, duh” and that was a bit gross for me.
TLDR, I’m happy to pay and usually do but the polite thing is for the lady is to not show up broke, not expect me to pay and to make some kind of tacit offer to contribute by going for your wallet or offering or something like that. I even like “aw thanks for paying maybe I can get the next one?” It’s a cute way of asking for a second date
It’s okay because I don’t do anything expensive. It’s a good shit test
Whoever asks pays but not just for dates. In my culture it’d be very unpolite to “invite” someone out and expect them to pay
fine by me
Both have to agree to the place and 50/50.
If one of us wants to go to some high class restaurant, then it’s that person. Not losing (or forcing someone to lose) a kidney over a first date.
Depends on the context. Dating app should be 50-50, too many women use them as meal tickets. Dating from irl meeting id prefer to pay. Even if the askee paying makes the most sense overall, I’d feel odd not at least going dutch
With that said I’m still expecting that I’ll be paying first.
Honestly imma always pay on the first date it’s not that big of a deal. Also, if a woman paid without me asking she would get a lot more in return than she paid for (not necessarily cash) but I would definitely have a soft spot for her.
I usually go for drinks. Shit, I don’t make a big deal about paying for something that costs 0.24% of my monthly income. Especially if I enjoyed the date and would like to see her again.
Even if I don’t want to see her again, one drink is a small price to pay to find that out 🤣
So, I guess if paying for a drink is not worth it in your mind, don’t go out for drinks with THAT woman. 🤷♂️
I go into the date assuming I will pay because I assume she isn’t entitled to it. If she’s rude or something then we split. If she racks up a huge bill then I go to the bathroom and dip
I’m happy to pay the first time but also happy to 50-50. What becomes concerning to me is a couple dates in if they don’t ever offer to split or anything
It’s all about feelings. I usually pay for coffee dates. Not too bad financially.
If I feel good about the prospects, I would be willing to pay for a meal. If I was more reserved on the prospects, I would stop at coffee/desserts.
I spent the most on a meal on a date that was quite horrendous and she deliberately knew she hit my dealbreaker (childfree only for me and she wanted kids). I was pissed!
On the other hand, I went to a coffee date and the girl was hungry so she wanted to eat and I paid. I didn’t plan for eating or paying nor was there was any indication that the coffee date would turn into a lunch date. I ended up marrying this girl.
If I asked her out I have no issue paying for first date. That said of we are going for second or third place for drinks, etc. it is nice if the woman offers to pay for something.
I pay because:
I’d prefer to avoid that potential conflict when getting to know someone.
I have enough money that I don’t need to worry about it.
Yes, I’ve been likely taken advantage of by women looking for a free meal, but oh well.
If a woman offered to pay for me, I’d be pleasantly surprised. If she offered to split congenially, that’s fine. If she offered to split and I get a bad vibe, I’d assume she’s trying to end the night and not want another date, lol.
50-50 if we’re talking about a meal (which I don’t do), but I don’t mind paying a coffee.
Alcohol, I like taking turns paying for both, it’s nice.
Depends what we do and if I feel like it.
If I asked for the date, meaning I invited you to it, then I’ll pay for it because it was my idea, and is part of the courting process.
If you protest about it and do it more than once then sure you can pay for your portion of the bill.
Caveat to that is, if you do anything to disrespect me, restaurant staff, act a fool, run up a $6000 tab, you know generally unconscionable behavior, then I pay for what I bought and you pay for what you bought.
I think honestly going into dating someone, it was most likely the guy who initiated the date to even happen so I’d say the men should pay on the first date
First date or first meeting? I don’t go on a date with someone that I don’t know.
If we met through an app, it will be something casual, like coffee or drinks. If it goes well, I will probably pick up the tab, but not if she picks the most expensive craft cocktail or wine, I won’t.
I always used to be willing to pay, but I would always be more impressed if a girl at least asked to split it.
I expect to pay from the moment I ask the lady out.
I haven’t experienced the woman paying for me on first dates. But I wouldn’t let her.
I always do a 50/50 split anymore. Nobody gets offended that way. If they do, they aren’t worth taking out.
A gf gets more benefits.
i will gladly pay if she acts super sweet and is a nice person.or if i ask her out to date.in every other case 50-50